Paths to Dwell In

Closed Theological System

One of my main mentors was Jack Frost. When I first came to work with him I had a somewhat closed theological system. I had a set of fixed ideas about God and doctrine and I was not that open to anything that went outside my box. Jack was very different.

Teachable and Diligent

He was first of all teachable. There were certain key books God used in his life that he had read fifteen times or more. Not only was he open to new ideas, he understood what it took to really get a hold of them and incorporate them to where he lived on a daily basis. We give this kind of effort in school to learn new material. A given class might include lectures, a textbook, several other books to read, and a research paper. However, now that we are older, we seem to have the idea that we can read one book just one time and it will change our lives forever.

Willing to Try

The next thing I noticed about Jack was that he was not afraid to try. He would at times make adjustments to his teaching, not always having it perfect from the start, however, the important thing was that he was willing to consider new thoughts and open to try them.

A Personal Example                                                                                                                                                  

About a year ago I found myself really stuck in my walk with the Lord. I heard a minister I respected mention that God has taught the church many things about deliverance and generational sin and some of it actually works. That struck right at one of my theological boxes. Because of ways I have considered the deliverance movement “out of balance,” I had thrown the whole thing out. A short time later I had an opportunity to be ministered to by this same man, and he recommended some deliverance and generational sin stuff I could pray through. I was desperate enough to try it. Guess what? It worked, I found whole new areas of freedom in my life. In the type of prayer ministry that I do, these are still not the primary tools I use, but I have a whole lot more respect for them than I used to.

With a closed theological system there is little possibility for growth.  Meekness really is the passkey.

By Robert

The development of personhood is a powerful concept in helping us move towards maturity and intimacy in all our relationships. This concept (the state or condition of being a person) has gripped me. The idea that it can be diminished through abuse and developed through respect explains many things. When mental, emotional, and physical boundaries are crossed; when we are controlled, manipulated, told how to think or not permitted to feel; when physical abuse or violations occur, we are then treated like an object rather than a person, thus taking away our personhood.

A married couple struggled with compulsive shopping and dieting. These addictions had really affected their marriage in ways that they had not identified. When issues came up for them to deal with, each found a way to avoid confrontation or discussion by choosing to escape using the spending or dieting. In that way, there was no deepening of rapport, no building of mutual understanding from one issue or conflict to the next. They moved away from intimacy instead of towards it. In a sense, they treated each other like objects, diminishing each other’s personhood.

People often feel unconsciously threatened by their lack of control in certain areas. When they gravitate to controlling responses as the single answer, not only does the relationship fail to grow and deepen, but also they as individuals fail to mature in the process of interacting with normal life challenges and experiences.

Personhood cannot be developed without respect of boundaries-mental, emotional and physical. When there is control rather than respect, intimacy is lost in all relationships.

The older I get, the more I see that life is all about endurance, not quick fixes. This is not to say it is about just getting by or coasting, no; it is about seeing a mountain in front of you and taking on the challenge to climb it, even if you know it will take years to do.  Then after going to that summit, looking for the next one to climb and conquer. It is a long-term life trek.

I personally have taken on the challenge to run a marathon this year and I have been training for months. This is a long-term goal I am working towards.  Paul, in 2 Timothy 4, talks to us about living that marathon life-of enduring, longsuffering, watching, and fighting, to finish our course. Our society today is not real big on any of these. Technology is usually designed to make things easier on us, not harder. But our lives should be different from the world; we are to walk through a narrow gate, not the wider, more comfortable one.

When our problems are fixed quickly, we tend to fall back and get more lenient, not necessarily seeking the Lord every day; but when there are challenges and mountains ahead of us, we fall on our faces and cry out for mercy.  This is the true life of a Christian-diligently seeking Him, going for those insurmountable odds, knowing that it is His grace that causes us to triumph, and believing “I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me!” And notice that it is “I.” It is not Him doing it, we are. “We” have to get intotraining, pick up our hiking sticks, our running shoes, and learn how to do it. He will strengthen us, but it is us who has to walk it out.  Let us take our responsibility to finish our course, leaning on Him for guidance, and going for the summit regardless of the pain and discomfort. We are overcomers taking our life-long trek of 26.2 miles, one step at a time.

By Robert

What would your life be like if you never procrastinated? What could you accomplish if you had the ability to step out and try anything you wanted? There are reasons people get stuck in ruts. Most of us have gone down the “try harder” route so many times we have lost hope. However, it is possible to find the motivation to pursue your dreams. The following quote illustrates this well.

“A manager loses his cool and berates an employee in front of the rest of the team. He thinks his tirade was good for productivity because the rant ’scared people straight,’ but their fear soon settles into caution. To perform at their best, the team members need to take risks, stretch themselves beyond their comfort zone, and even make some mistakes along the way. No one on the team wants to be the manager’s next target, so the team members play it safe and do only as they are told. When the manager gets docked a year later for leading a team that fails to take initiative, he wonders what’s wrong with the team” (Bradberry, Greaves, p.66 Emotional Intelligence 2.0).

Taking initiative involves risk. The only way a person can do this is if they feel safe. Often our parents first taught us that we live in a safe or unsafe environment. We learn early if we are free to take initiative even though we might fail.

Fear of failure is rooted here. In shame-based family rule systems, you are never to be out of control and never to be vulnerable. Somebody might get hurt. The answer to being more intentional in your life is not in trying harder. It is in dealing with the roots in your family system that creates the problem.

If this article is speaking to you, call us today for a phone appointment. We see people get free from these kinds of issues every day. (904.270.9472)

1 Tim 4:2—speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron.

The subject of conscience and empathy is quite fascinating. On the far bad end of the scale you have the sociopath, who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience. Their chief characteristic is a lack of empathy because they cannot feel another’s pain. From this far end is a broad middle, where most of us have a conscience functioning at some level. What is fascinating is the role our conscience can play in keeping us from sin and moving us toward intimacy with the Lord when functioning well at the good end. John Sanford describes this well:

“There are two kinds of conscience. There is an active conscience, which causes remorse after the sin. It operates by the law. It seldom if ever works powerfully enough before the event to prevent it. It reminds us that we have failed the Lord and ourselves, but seldom if ever makes us aware of our brother’s hurt. It makes us aware only that we failed to be what we set out to be. It seldom moves us to real repentance. Repentance happens when we are hurt for the sake of the Lord and others. Remorse remains self-centered and is seen in terms of our own failure to perform.”

Then there is a healthy conscience that leads to real repentance, which “is a result of the gift of love. If I love someone, and my spirit is awake and alert, it checks me before I do a potentially harmful deed. Love constrains me because I cannot stand to hurt the one I love.”

(P.122, Healing the Wounded Spirit, John Sanford)

How to be free of anger

There is a major key in helping find freedom from anger. When it comes to dealing with anger we have been exhorted, admonished, and given techniques like praying daily for the person we are angry with until our heart changes. Dealing with anger can be elusive, we pray and nothing seems to happen. This issue of anger is very common with most clients I work with even though it is often hidden at first. The major key to freedom I have found is that there is usually a reason someone is holding onto anger.  

An Exercise

Think of the person you are mad at and why. Now search your heart considering the idea of fully letting it go. Do you notice anything hesitant in your heart to fully release the anger? What if you did fully let it go, how would that make you feel? Do not give the standard Christian answer from your mind, but look to your heart and see how it feels. We feel what we believe.

Most of the time the belief for holding the anger will be something like, “I’ll be unprotected if I let it go; it will happen again,” or “nothing will change,” or “they’ll just get away with it.”

Do not try to deny that feeling; simply acknowledge if that feels true in your heart. Then lift that belief up to God and listen. “Father, it feels like this anger is the only thing I have to protect me. God would You speak to me about that?” If you get down to how you really feel and what you really believe by embracing honesty, humility, and childlike meekness, acknowledging the truth- you will hear God speak. Once the hindrances are out of the way it becomes relatively easy to pray a prayer to release the anger and forgive the person who hurt you. I have done this with many prayer ministry clients and see close to a 100% success rate with this approach. Give it a try, or call me.

Identity in Love

When we lack identity in God’s love we will have fears to deal with since it is love that casts them out. 1 Jn.4:17 Fear leads to control; a lack of vulnerability, having walls up.

“In a shame bound family system there tends to be rigidly defined boundaries. This causes the development of self to get cut off early. Children learn to value defiant individualism over the ongoing dialog of relationship.” (Facing Shame) Most teenage rebellion can be found right here!

By Robert

Today’s article is taken from the best selling business book, “Good to Great.” It may challenge your thinking and theology. However, I believe there is a huge key here to what keeps people from fulfilling their destinies.

Good to Great Quote

“The ‘leadership is the answer to everything’ perspective is the modern equivalent of the ‘God is the answer to everything’ perspective that held back our scientific understanding of the physical world in the Dark Ages. In the 1500s, people ascribed all events they did not understand to God. With the Enlightenment, we began the search for understanding – physics, chemistry, biology, and so forth. Similarly, every time we attribute everything to leadership, we are admitting our ignorance. Not that we should become leadership atheists (leadership does matter), but every time we throw our hands up in frustration – reverting back to, “Well, the answer must be leadership!” – we prevent ourselves from gaining deeper, more scientific understanding about what makes great companies tick.”

Hyper-Spirituality

It is so easy to be hyper-spiritual. We have some sort of problem and we make comments like, “God will just have to give me His grace here,” or “God will just have to do a miracle.” It is not that there is not some truth to these statements, but what about stewardship or personal responsibility? Think of it this way. Your teenage son is going to mow the lawn as he has done many times before and the mower won’t start. He responds, “Dad, fix it.” This is not much different than, “God will just have to come through (and fix whatever problem).” At some point, we expect our teen to take a little personal responsibility, be a little proactive and problem solve. Did he check and see if there’s gas, is the switch on, does it smell flooded?

Depravity versus Treasure

We have this idea, based on a Calvinistic man’s a worm theology that says, “I can do nothing,” “in me is no good thing,” “it is only by God’s grace,” “that unless God comes through we are helpless.” God has invested in most of us many skills, understanding, faith and experiences. At some point He expects us to step up and do some problem solving, use our faith, apply some prayer, and look for some scriptural principles to apply. The depravity of man is a real doctrine, however, it is also true that God invests His treasure in us and He expects a return on His investment.

I sit here in my living room between a brightly lit up Christmas tree and a lawn mower. Yes, there is a lawn mower in my living room, as well as a weed eater, gas cans, miscellaneous hand tools, and an empty propane container. Why, oh why, you ask, is this stuff in my living room? Well, it is like this: we are in the process of painting the house. This necessitated pressure washing, which led to the discovery of rotten wood on the porch, and then the exposure of a plethora of termites. This, in turn, caused the porch to be torn down, which led to the lawn mower and other items from the porch coming into my living room.

Isn’t it interesting that we can start out with one plan and it gets drastically changed to another in a matter of moments? Just think of Mary and Joseph. I would presume the original plan was to go Bethlehem, take the census, visit some friends and family, and then return home. Having their baby boy born in a smelly stable was probably not on that script, yet it happened. Imagine Mary’s thoughts-God had done so many supernatural things from angelicvisitations, the prophecy from Elisabeth, and supernatural conception, and yet He did not provide a room for her in Bethlehem. But she continued to trust. Things sometimes just don’t work out as we plan.

Many times we get frustrated, angry, even depressed when our plans go awry, but God knows the end of a thing before the beginning (Isa.48:5). Mary and Joseph had no idea of the unforeseen ramifications from the birth of their son, the shepherds coming, or any of the other unusual events that later took place. We too, have no idea what the future holds or the understanding of the reasons why we are forced to experience certain things in our lives.  However, Father God does, and He uses all things for our good (Rom. 8:28) to shape us into the person that can fulfill the unique calling and destiny He has for each one of us.

So “Merry Christmas to all,” I say, as I sit back and enjoy my cup of tea, relishing the smells of pine and terra firma. Whatever God has in store for you this season, it is going to be good-unexpected maybe, but good.