“Why do I always have to be the mature one for the ‘fathers’ in my life?” This is something I said many times years ago. I felt like God had never really given me any spiritual fathers. I felt like I was left to work out my problems on my own and that there was no one there to help mature me and promote me. The man who led me to the Lord, Sam, had a wonderful ministry to alcoholics and drug addicts. He was gifted to reach out to people who wanted absolutely nothing to do with God. He would start working with them to get free from addiction and within a short time they would get saved. One time I went with him to a Bible study for reaching unbelievers. The people there spoke of everything from atheism to eastern mysticism. I became very dogmatic insisting that only the Bible and God must be followed; don’t even talk about anything else! People started putting walls up as I seemed to attack them during the discussion. On the way home Sam tried to talk to me about my comments but I could not see where he was coming from. I took this to mean that he was “not for me”, so that meant he was against me, rejecting me. I feared rejection and so I rejected him before he could reject me; I left. In reality Sam never rejected me and was always there for me. At the time, I wanted him to father me the way I wanted him to father me and any break from what I perceived as fathering, I interpreted as a weakness on his part, hence my saying, “I always have to be the mature one toward those who should be there for me”.

I did this same thing with my pastor. One time I brought him some counseling books. I knew my life was a mess, and I asked him to counsel me with them. He said he had never read these books. He recommended I get a foundation in the word of God; that from his experience this is what matures a person. I once again interpreted that as a father “not being there for me”. I did, however, follow his advice and looking back many years later I can see the wisdom in it. I know many people who came out of a dysfunctional background like me who have not made it. Many have gone from church to church, running away each time God would get them to a point of dealing with their issues. Others are no longer in the faith at all. Some even went on to join cults. By God’s grace I am still at the same church 23 years later because a “father” in my life helped me get a foundation in the word of God.

Why was I not able to receive the spiritual fathers God had placed in my life? It all came down to judgments I had made toward my birth father growing up. He really was never there for me and worse, he was abusive and I feared him. I thought I had forgiven him but yet the fruit in my life clearly demonstrated otherwise like these two examples reveal. As I worked through these issues in prayer ministry, I began to see that God has always been faithful to put ‘fathers’ in my life. But now I can receive them as they are and it does not have to be on my terms.

On all of our trips we generally take 1 or 2 days and do 1 on 1 prayer ministry appointments to help people work through their issues and get unstuck in their spiritual lives. We are now offering this in Jacksonville, Florida as well.