Paths to Dwell In

By Cyndi

One of the scariest times in my life was getting into a taxi at 4 in the morning for a 3 hour drive to the airport in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, to leave the country and to, quite possibly, never return.  Robert, Darren and I arrived in Miami without a single key in our pocket or purse; we owned nothing any longer. Just a few hours earlier we had a house, a cat, two dogs, a truck, a motorcycle, a church, a clinic and a future as missionaries in a third-world country. Now what did we have? Nothing; it was all gone. The only thing we owned now was faith.

I must say that this experience was a real faith-shaker. As Joni Mitchell wrote in a song  some years ago, “Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” (Big Yellow Taxi), I came to realize the truth in these words. But I also knew the words of another song that says, “He did not bring us out this far to take us back again; He brought us out to take us into the promise land” (it’s old). I knew there must be a reason God had sent us off to live as missionaries, waited for us to get used to that, then bring us back to the states not knowing what or where to turn to next. Well, at least we knew Who to turn to. This was one of those life-changing episodes where my faith got tested.

I know, like you, that the Word says God is faithful and true (Rev.3:14); but mine was more of a head knowledge rather than heart. I knew He had always been faithful in my life, even to provide for us on the mission field. In many, many ways I knew He was faithful, but it was time for a stretch. It was time for that knowledge to make the long journey of 14 inches from my head to my heart. Sometimes when things are the most difficult, I feel like my faith grows more, do you?  I’m pressed into God out of desperation. During this time in our lives we were desperate; we had no home, no job, no income, no future that we could see. But here’s the good part-within two weeks of stepping foot on American soil, our church and families rallied around us and we had a house someone let us live in, furniture, a rented vehicle, food to eat, and even a provision for Darren to attend a summer camp. Now THAT is God’s faithfulness!! Of course, that was six years ago and God has continued to be more than faithful to us; above and beyond all we could ask or think.

So what’s the point of this Stepping Stone? It’s a call to remember that God is faithful. Psalm 77 is a great psalm to read when we’re in the press and are wondering where God is in the middle of our difficulties. The Psalmist looks back and recounts the goodness of God in his life. I like to use this dramatic episode of my life to remind me of the past and how faithful God has been to me. He’s the same yesterday, today and forever (Heb.13:8); He changes not. If He was faithful then, He will also be now. He will not bring me out this far and just leave me there or let go of me to return right back to where I was. He’s increasing my faith every day, and I bet He’s increasing yours too.

By Cyndi

One of the phrases I used to use constantly was: “It doesn’t matter to me”. You could ask me if I wanted to go shopping or to the beach or whatever and that’s what I’d say. You could ask me where I wanted to go out to lunch or dinner or whether I wanted to take a break and that’s what I’d say-”Oh I don’t care, it doesn’t matter”.  What’s wrong with that? I came across to others as a real humble, selfless, caring for others type of person, but was I really? Maybe a little, but not totally. I didn’t realize I had given up my own identity a long time ago, and I really didn’t know what I wanted or felt. It wasn’t that it didn’t matter, but that I wouldn’t take the time to ask myself whether it did or not.

We all have a freedom of choice in most things. But I gave up my freedom to others, because what they thought of me, or what I thought they thought about me was more important than what I thought of me (got it?) As a child growing up, my parents of course expected me to behave, like most parents do. They were not harshly demanding or controlling but with my personality, I was what many would call the “compliant” child or the “peacemaker” in the family. I relinquished my rights to make decisions and found a much easier life in just letting others make decisions for me. Plus it made my family happy, my friends happy, even my enemies happy! And who doesn’t like to see others happy?

So as I got older I wasn’t sure who I really was. Who am I? What do I feel? What matters and doesn’t matter to me? Am I still what others want me to be, or can I take on my own identity? I can read what the Word says I am: I am the righteousness of God; I am the head and not the tail; I am God’s beloved child in whom He is well pleased. But what does all this really mean to me? How is the Word affecting my life and my actions? Well, who we are really depends on who we believe we are. For as a man thinks, so is he ( Prov.23:7 ). So what am I believing?

We do not need to understand ourselves before we can believe in ourselves. Belief comes first. “Understanding is the reward of faith”, says Aurelious Augustous.  As I began to believe in myself, what the Word said about me and to believe that Father God really does love me unconditionally, I allowed myself to start saying what I wanted or didn’t want regardless of what others thought. I started to take chances-to put myself “out there” to possibly fail or look bad, because it didn’t matter anymore, I knew I was loved whatever the end result was. I started to lead worship, to teach, to touch, to pray for others. I started to say what I would like for dinner or what I’d like to do-and as I did, I began to understand myself more. God began revealing to me who He really made me to be, what my unique calling and destiny was. He showed me how He made me unlike any one else, who has my own special gifting, personality, opinions and that it’s good being me! I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and it doesn’t matter what others say or think. I am constantly growing in my understanding and belief in what He says I am which empowers me more to live out my life for Him and not others.

When I was around five years old I had a dog named Muttly, he was named that because he was a mutt! I really loved playing with him. I would go and hide and he would always find me. One day he messed on the carpet or some such thing and my dad went into a rage. I can still picture the scene taking place in my living room. Dad started beating Muttly with his belt, backing him into a corner. He still was not satisfied and turned the belt around to hit him with the metal end. I can remember yelling, “No dad, not with the buckle!”

There were many other times when my dad became a monster. Fear entered my heart and a pattern of fear developed. There were these outrageous events that would take place growing up, experiences that reinforced fear of impending doom, fear that the world is dangerous. Many of us struggle with so many fears: health concerns, “Will I end up with diabetes or have a heart attack or cancer?”, family worries, “Will my children do well?” or “Will my marriage work out?” finances, “Will I have a retirement or even be able to pay my bills this month?”

We kind of have this evil foreboding of impending doom. So much of this comes down to, “Do I believe that God is good and that He loves me?” Over this past week I read The Shack by William Young; it really brought out this concept of whether or not I believe God is good.

Romans 12:2 says we should be transformed by the renewing of our minds. I believe much of this has to do with learning that God is good all the time. Some primary people in my life have not always chosen God’s will in relation to me, bad things have happened and I drew some wrong conclusions about God as a result. I embraced a life of fear. God has so much more!

1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” The word “perfect” here in the Greek means complete or mature. Fear in any area of my life means that there is something not completed or matured in me of love, some way I do not quite believe God is good all the time.

There was a time that the mere thought of my dad entering my mind made me punch walls. But love came and set me free. I received ministry one day over Muttly. As I was being prayed for I saw Jesus, His arm was around my shoulder and a tear was streaming down His cheek. I wondered why he was crying. Then I knew; it was for all the pain he saw in my dad’s heart that would cause him to act in such a way. He then told me that even as His arm was around my shoulder that He had always been there for me, protecting me all my life.

Boy did that change my perspective! I moved from fear and judgment to love and understanding and compassion. Love started casting fear out of my heart.

Some of us have had the blessing of growing up with a wonderful father. My father was a great example of what Father God looks like. In 1960 my mother was pregnant with twin boys who later she lost in delivery, one stillborn, and the other only lived a few minutes. A year later she conceived and gave birth to my sister with no complications. My parents were relieved to finally have a child regardless of gender. So a couple of years later when my mother got pregnant again, what do you think my dad wished for-boy or girl? A boy, of course! Well, that’s when I was born.

My dad would often say, “I love my two girls.” He was very proud of us and very grateful that we could take care of the house, cook, etc. whenever my mother wasn’t feeling well. (I think most men like to be taken care of!) My father was a true family man, taking us along on business trips, going to the beach, even becoming a Girl Scout. Yes, he was a card-carrying, living, breathing Girl Scout, as was my mom. They were leaders of Troop 70 from the Westside of Jacksonville and they did everything. Camping, cooking, skating, hiking, anything to help us all get our merit badges.

One time on a camping trip a few of the girls got in a little trouble so my dad made them string vines around some trees, interlace palm fronds in them, dig a hole and make an outside private latrine. It was supposed to be a form of punishment but the girls actually had quite a bit of fun doing this! That was my dad, always involved, always “with you”.

As a high school student I was in the band, a mallet player in the drum section, and we had to go to all the football games and march the halftime shows. Well, guess who was at every game rain or shine? Guess who helped load the buses, work the car washes, sell the candy bars and cheer at the competitions? Yep, my dad. He didn’t even like football.

What my dad loved was music and sailing. Those became my passions too, perhaps because I adored my father and wanted to be just like him. He was a hero to me. He made us work for our grades rewarding us not with money, but the satisfaction of knowing we’d accomplished and achieved something worthwhile. He was loving and caring, staying up late waiting for my sister to come home from a date, gently leaning over my shoulder and helping me with homework, allowing us to “build” things with all the scrap wood from his workshop.

As a teenager I remember him giving advice, but never being harsh or demanding that we do things his way. He would always say, “If you ask me…….but that’s just my opinion”, letting us know his advice but giving us the freedom to chose for ourselves conveying that he trusts and doesn’t judge. Even in college I would invite many of my crazy musician friends out for a day of sailing and he would accept them and befriend them also, even when they brought their beer (he was a teetotaler!) and he knew a few of them did drugs. He loved them just like he did me.

As I got older and moved out of the house he would tell me, “Always know you have a place here if you need it.” I knew I always had a home, a safe place to run to. This established such security for me, both materially and emotionally. 

In 1994 my father passed away after battling colon cancer for several years. I had been saved as a child and related well to Father God having had such a great example of who He was, but I had a transfer to make now that my earthly father was gone. I always knew my dad would be there for me, helping me, encouraging me but he was physically gone now. So in going through all the stages of grief, I began the journey of seeing my Heavenly Father as closer than even my earthly father could have ever been.

Being in the ministry for 10 years now, our lives go up and down quite frequently, as does the income, the opportunities and the emotions. There are real needs and we have a real teenager! But deep in my soul I know that Father will provide, Father will be there, Father will take care of me. The little girl of years ago who walked the docks with her father, who sat side-by-side on the piano with him, and who was privileged to be given to her husband by; this little girl knows it’s all going to be okay-Father will always take care of me.

Do you know your Father like this? You can. He’s with you always; He’ll never leave or forsake you (Heb.13:5). He never even thinks a negative thought about you (Jer.29:11). I pray that you too can find Him this way-trusting, caring, loving, providing, gentle, and safe-because He is.

It is Time To Advance!

By L. A. Joiner
One of the most poignant messages that came out of 9/11, were the words regarding firemen. People running from the burning towers were impacted by the firemen running in. Everything in the hearts and minds of the people fleeing was screaming, “run for your life”. Everything in the hearts and minds of those brave firefighters was screaming, “save a life”. It all has to do with values, perspective and training. The value you place on life, the perspective from which you view the current situation and the preparation of the past that has brought you to this point. I have been traveling a lot of late and that travel has given me the opportunity to see several ministries up close and personal during our current turbulent times.

Rodney Thrift of Crossway Church in the Blackshear/Waycross, Georgia is leading a relatively new church. As with any new work there is a building process. With all the anxiety of our present day and with all of the financial challenges, Crossway Church continues to train people for the future. In the rear of their small and often cramped auditorium is a large and spacious room that will be their new worship center. Here we see an example of expanding in faith while the world is trembling in fear.

John Carney is the Senior Pastor of The Church in the Meadow in Salem, Oregon. I have ministered there several times before. This time as we arrived I noticed the new parking lot all striped brightly inviting cars to enter. I saw the new signage in place. Transition is taking place on their ministry team and new members are being added. Once again, expanding during a downturn.

James Wiley is Senior Pastor of Oak Grove Assembly of God in Port St. Joe, Florida. Oak Grove is an old church in a small fishing town in the panhandle of Florida, in an area called “the forgotten coast”. As I arrived the land next to the existing sanctuary was buzzing with activity. The ground was being prepared for a new sanctuary. A much loved hugh oak tree had to be removed in order to make room for the new building. The hugh stump with much of it’s root system still in tact lay on it’s side in the rear of the property. I thought, “what a shame”. Then I realized that it had to go to make way for the future. As I contemplated the work underway I noticed the sign saying “future home of Oak Grove”. I had just left the Interstate where gas prices were breaking new record highs every few days. Housing values are slipping and homeowners across America are experiencing more and more repossessions. There seems to be a raging fear and a feeling of hopelessness. Yet, the church is preparing for the future. Expansion can be seen on many fronts. I am greatly encouraged by the faith and courage of the people of God. There is a stirring, this knowing that it is our time! For the fearless and the faithful, it is time to advance!

Boundaries with Darren

My wife and I used to argue with our son over his chores. We were trying to get him to do what was right. One day I had an idea. When he came home from school I told him, “Darren, Mom and I have been talking and we have decided you do not have to do your chores anymore; you can even skip your homework if you want to.” He was in blissful shock! After a pause I continued, “But you cannot have any privileges such as TV, computer, or spending time with friends either, unless you take care of your responsibilities. We love you and we are not going to pressure you or argue anymore. We’d love for you to have your privileges but they only come with responsibility”.

He tested it and we did not get angry or pressure him or shame him. We did not even close our hearts toward him at all; we were quite friendly and loving. The entire next day, however, he did not have any privileges. After a time or two the battle was over and now it is never a fight to see him take care of his chores and homework.

Gal 5:1, 2 Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. Indeed I, Paul, say to you that if you become circumcised, Christ will profit you nothing.

What is Legalism?

Is legalism the judgmental Pharisees of the Bible? Is it the church where women cannot wear makeup? What is its underlying principal?

I believe law is based in man’s efforts and in fear. If I can make a rule about something then I can take things into my own hands, be in control and create my own “security”. This is all fear motivated. I am afraid God will not be there for me and that is what moves me toward law.

The whole world system and man’s fallen nature pushes us toward law. In the verses above, the Galatians knew truth and freedom but the traditions of a lifetime, fears they might not measure up and the pressure of peers all served to push them back toward circumcision.

Once I move toward law things now depend on me; I am afraid I may not measure up and so I feel pressure all the time. What if I cannot meet my own needs, what if I cannot measure up and be acceptable?

Legalism is About Control

I do not trust someone to do the right thing and so I apply some pressure. Rules are applied through tactics of intimidation, anger, shaming and fear. So we make statements to our children like, “What’s wrong with you?”  The sales manager states, “Whoever is at the bottom of the sales board at the end of the month will be fired”. A minister preaches, “You are either for God or against Him; if you aren’t giving to evangelism (or the building project, or the mission trip…) you won’t be blessed”; or “Jesus died on the cross for us and we can’t even give Him our best?”

Our identities get tied into these things, our son or employee or church member might make us look bad, might hinder us from applying rules and being successful, acceptable.

How We Motivate Others

At the moment we accepted Jesus, God could have installed in us a zapper, like those electronic collars for dogs used with the invisible fence. The electrical wire is buried under ground and when the dog with the collar crosses it he gets a “zap”! He very quickly learns where he can and cannot go. God could have done that with us at salvation. We go to spread a little gossip, tell a lie or express some lust and “Zaaap”! If this were the case, I believe the body of Christ would quickly rise to whole new levels of obedience, OR would it be outward conformity, obedience based on law and fear?