Legalism

Luke 15 speaks of the older brother. He was always in his father’s house and never failed to keep one of his commandments and yet never knew him.

 Notice how this plays out in modern life in the following story:

“Our pastor, Jason L. Faircloth, offers you strong leadership and dynamic charisma. A seminary graduate with a master’s degree in theology, he has effectively guided our church’s growth from 48 members to 2232 in just under eleven years.” The announcement read.

Lorene sat down across from her husband, making no further attempt to lighten the mood. Looking into his face, she saw his tightly creased brow, his hardened jaw as he spoke, and his dull, narrowed eyes. More and more she had become afraid of him. His tension, she realized, had become a permanent part of their life. She lowered her head and stared into her empty plate. Jason was becoming less of a human and more of a machine. And he was destroying her.

For the hundredth time, it seemed, she was acutely reminded of what their marriage had become. She was only a house servant now. Yet she had kept on being the model pastor’s wife that everyone expected of her. Always submitting unequivocally to her husband’s authority. Always selfless. Always lay-down-and-die. That’s exactly what I’m doing: dying. She felt numb. Deprived of his intimacy and sensitivity, she knew she was near the breaking point. Would he drive away his own wife, she wondered, just as he has our daughter?

“Didn’t you hear me?’ Jason asked in a raised voice. “I’m sorry,” Lorene said quickly. “What did you say?” I asked if you picked up my suit from the cleaners this afternoon. I’ll need to wear it tonight.” She tried to sound cheerful. “It’s hanging in your closet.” “All right”, he said coldly. “Let’s pray.”

Later, at the death of their runaway daughter, Lorene:

“Jason, can’t you see it? You were a heartless, legalistic, know-it-all dictator! You forced her to leave-you and your damnable know-it-all attitude. You still don’t understand, do you? You really are blind! I don’t believe the thought’s ever crossed your mind that you could be wrong about anything, has it? You think you know it all. And anybody and everybody who disagrees with you or challenges you is wrong! Talking to you is like talking to a rock, Jason. You don’t listen to people. You disregard people’s feelings as if they were trash!”

Later

He walked through the house looking for memories of times with his daughter. But the reality was that there weren’t many, it was always, “Later, honey”; he was always too busy and later never came and now it never would. He wanted someone to talk to but there was no one. He needed someone, someone he could share his real feelings with, who would just listen, who could understand and accept his newly discovered weaknesses and not be disillusioned by them. But there was no one. For years he had distanced himself from everyone.

(Excerpt from the book Wisdom Hunter p.19-21).

This story may seem hard to imagine coming from a pastor of a large church. People in ministry are under so much pressure to meet people’s needs, to lead a group of people that are volunteers and not employees so you cannot demand anything, to be an example themselves and with their families. Most pastor’s and missionaries children grow up wounded by it all. The needs of people are real, the financial obligations are real and the spiritual warfare is real. If you have fear and insecurity, and who doesn’t, it becomes real easy to move into control and legalism. There was a pattern of this in my life as a missionary and pastor in the Dominican Republic. I had to come into a time of repentance and seeking forgiveness and God brought a new intimacy into my family. Even for men not in ministry it is easy to become intense and “type A” as we feel the pressures of life. Abba Father calls us into loving trust!