“Can’t you see I’m working, why do you always have to interrupt me?” “Sorry Dad”, he said as he slumped his shoulders and walked away. Unfortunately, there was a time that these words often came out of my mouth to my seven-year old son.

“The Pharisees were committed to following God in a way that many of us are not prepared to do. One factor, however, was always central to their righteousness: externalism. Their righteousness consisted in control over externals, often including the manipulation of others”, (Richard Foster in the Celebration of Discipline).

We can see this in many of the characteristics of Rev. Faircloth from last weeks’ Stepping Stones (see “Wisdom Hunter” blog entry). The intensity he carried, for example. He was God’s man, he bore the load of leadership and so everyone around him was supposed to jump when he said jump. If his wife was not paying attention to him at the dinner table or she forgot to pick up the cleaners for the church meeting, he saw it as a lack of support, lack of dedication to what was important and right.

This is like the Pharisees of the Bible. They said, “How could Jesus eat with sinners? He is unclean, condoning their sin” Luke 15:1, 2. You were either with them or against them. There was no tolerance for anyone who did not think like they did or act like they did.

Rev. Fairchild had no tolerance for his daughter to wear shorts, listen to rock music or participate in mixed swimming. He had no tolerance for other “weak” Christians that did not share these views with him.

The actual rules of legalistic people can be anything, but it is the attitude behind them that inflicts control and wounding. In my case the rule was taking ministry seriously enough. If my wife or son did not share my burden or intensity, they did not measure up in my eyes; they were not supportive and certainly not aligned with what was truly important “to God”.

In the Wisdom Hunter, his wife had been reduced to a servant; real relationship had all but disappeared. Everything revolved around him and his view of what was “right”. He had become a dictator; it was not possible for him to be wrong or have weakness.

God paid a huge price for man to have free will. He rightfully could have destroyed us all for our rebellion against Him, our Maker and Provider. Instead, He so loved that He gave His only Son. He did not send His Son to condemn but to save. (John.3:16-17)

God is not the “cop in the sky” using anger and touchiness, demanding conformity in order to scare or intimidate people into following Him. He is not insecure! He does not worry what others will say if His children are not obeying Him! He just continues to draw us by cords of love, giving us repentance by His goodness if we will accept it. Unfortunately, some will not accept it and be condemned but it does not change the fact that God is love and desires that all would be saved.

I felt such pressure to minister successfully that I became controlling. I used anger, withdrawal of fellowship and touchiness, all to manipulate others into helping me reach my goal. I did not realize that my identity was in “being right” and having success in ministry rather than in the blood of Jesus alone. I had to come into a season of confession and repentance of my sin and seeking forgiveness from my family. God did a renewing work in us through that season. Most of all I learned to place love first.

John 13:35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.