By Robert
1 Corinthians 13:7 (Amp) “love…is ever ready to believe the best of every person….”
“You were too hard on the kids; no TV for a month?– come on.” “They’ve got to learn, you’ll cause them to grow up as irresponsible leeches with an entitlement spirit.” “You’re pushing them into rebellion!” “You’re enabling them into rebellion!” “You’re not a nice person!” “You’re so enabling the cat’s fat cause – you can’t even say no to him!”
Through numerous, well controlled studies, researchers have identified attitudes and actions that predict marital success with 91% accuracy. Criticism is at the top of the list.
Criticism is when we go beyond talking about our feelings to making global and absolute statements. “You 
always.” “You never.” “You only care about yourself.”
“Beneath criticism lies a general tendency to assume that, if you are upset, somebody must have done something wrong. 69% of marital upsets arise from conflicting values, priorities, beliefs, or personal tendencies for which there is no generally accepted standard.” (Gottman, 2002)
Marriages start to slide when partners assume there is a correct standard to which they are entitled to hold their partners accountable. Most fights couples have are not about morality, one person being “wrong.” It’s about opinions, priorities, etc.
Who should do what chores?
How neat and organized should things be?
How much time should be put into career versus family?
How much and what type of discipline should be used with the kids?
How much time should the couple spend together versus with friends?
How much time should be spent with extended families?
Happily married couples avoid assuming that their partner’s values, priorities, or opinions are wrong. They give their partner the benefit of the doubt (“love believes the best,” 1 Cor.).
When we can express empathy, considering the other person’s point of view, asking them where they are coming from, we have a 91% chance of staying married. Statistics aside, this is a huge key to all successful relationships. We have to believe the best of one another, talk things out when there’s conflict, and not just assume someone’s wrong and someone’s right.
This is such a timely topic as it seems so many couples are having problems. Expressing empathy and a listening ear will surely improve any relationship. I think you made several excellent points in this article. God Bless.
As Always you’ve hit the nail right on the head !!!!!!!
I remember being taught as a child, “if you can’t think of anything good to say, don’t say anything” !!!!
God Bless you !!!!!!!!