Marks of Growth for Emotional Health

June 10, 2011 By 3 Comments

By Cyndi

I can remember when I was young, standing up straight against the familiar wall as my dad would make a new  tick mark over my head above the others to notate how tall I was. As I stepped away and looked behind me, I could see how far I had grown compared to the last time I had been measured. How joyous it was to feel bigger and taller! I was growing up.

Throughout our lives there are marked times of growth. Times where we can see ourselves growing up. Physically we feel our shoes getting tighter on our feet and our slacks becoming “high waters.” Mentally we learn to read and write, to memorize our multiplication tables, to balance checkbooks, use computers. Spiritually we come to know Jesus, to understand scriptures and pray. And emotionally we shift from childish self-centeredness to empathizing with others and those less fortunate than us.

So where are the “tick marks” of all of this growing? In the physical and mental realms there are measurements: meters, inches, degrees, certificates. But for the spiritual and emotional spheres it’s a little harder to determine. However, there are ways.

I John 2:13 tells us that there are “levels” of spirituality: children, young men, and fathers. Paralleling the natural, these are stages of maturity. But did you ever think that part of this spiritual maturing also includes emotional maturing? How you handle your mistakes, how you view your world, how you embrace faults in others, or major losses in your life, all depend on how you emotionally manage them. Mature fathers behave markedly different than little children do in these areas.

And this maturing is intertwined with how we can connect with God emotionally. There is emotional intelligence just like there is mental intelligence, and I have found that as I have become more aware of my emotions, I have become more aware of God. After all, He is the Creator of emotions. He gave us the ability to experience joy, sorrow, delight, anger—a whole spectrum of feelings—even as He Himself can experience them.

So as am I growing in my emotional awareness, I am growing in God. As I look for the marks of maturity in my life, I know it’s more than just my age, my gray hairs, and the wrinkles in my face. It’s more than just how many verses I can quote or how large my portfolio is. It’s in the compassion and empathy I have toward those around me, and how I reflect the Father’s love daily.

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Leadership, Personhood Tagged With: , ,

Failures Are Not Permanent

April 15, 2011 By 2 Comments

By Cyndi

There are times where it’s good to look back and reflect on life. Ruminating over what you’ve been through, how you’ve grown, how you’ve changed. Seeing Divine Providence working in our families, our jobs, our situations. Kids grow up, friends and relatives pass on, we move to from place to place. As we do this reminiscing, there may be some things that we may glance at and feel a twinge of pain–that feeling of remorse or regret.

No One Lives a Perfect Life
In pondering our lives’ mistakes, we can get into the “I wish”s. You know what I mean. “I wish I would have taken more time with my kids.” “I wish I would have never moved away for that job.” All of those experiences that we did or didn’t do.

I was feeling this way about a few things not too long ago and while reading a Dave Ramsey book on finances, I ran across this statement: “Failure is not permanent.” I knew this. I had heard all the stories of Thomas Edison’s process of inventing the light bulb, of Abraham Lincoln trying to get elected, and Babe Ruth’s phenomenal baseball records. I knew you had to strike out a bunch of times before you got home runs. But all of a sudden, God illuminated this statement and a deeper revelation came to me.

Training Wheels
It’s not just about falling off a bike while trying to learn how to ride. It’s not just about investing in the wrong stock at the wrong time or filing for bankruptcy. It’s about everything! God knows we are not perfect (do we?). But we are supposed to learn from our mistakes and use them to help us grow and mature. Take some time to really look at those doosies and see why we did or didn’t do whatever it was. Check our motives, check our boundaries.

Let It Go
And as we search through our rubble, just like in the book of Nehemiah, God will use the very mishaps and failures we made for something good. He can build with that rubble and those broken pieces. Rom. 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God.” So to allow God to work it for good, we have to let go of the grief. Jesus bore our sorrows on the cross so we don’t have to. Take them off of your shoulder and put them on His, then look for the treasure you’ve gained from them. The past is passed. Release it, let it go, and grow from it. Keep pressing on towards the mark; failures are not permanent, they are foundations to built on.

Filed Under: Christian Coaching, Emotional Intelligence, Prayer Ministry, Shame Tagged With: , , , ,

Rooting Up Habits

April 8, 2011 By 4 Comments

By Cyndi

As the weather is turning to springtime, many of us are beginning to work in our yards again. Our backyard is pretty much dirt with some weeds in it. My son just runs them over with the lawn mower. But give it a few days and those weeds will come right back.

Sin habits are much like weeds. We like to “mow over them” by trying to behave better. At times we even come up with a plan: we vow to stop eating/using/viewing (you fill in the blank); whatever it is, we vow to stop doing it, and start doing something better. We may even throw away some of our stash and get rid of the “evidence” so it won’t tempt us.

Then we plan to replace this habit with something else instead: we vow to pray more, read our Bible more, volunteer more, eat healthier, exercise (fill in this blank too). And there are occasions when we can make this work for a day, a week, even a month or so, but usually there’s a breakdown and eventually we fall back into our habits and hangups once again.

Why does this happen? We had strong convictions. We had determination and motivation. We even bought the gear and gadgets to help us do this! Emotionally we feel like a failure or at least some negative thoughts about ourselves get stuck in our minds. Where’s the problem? It’s simple. We’re treating our habits like weeds.

Most of us know weeds will keep coming back unless we pull them up by their roots.    Getting down on our hands and knees, getting our hands dirty, we have to dig them out.  I personally despise dollar weeds because they have so many “links” to each other and you have to follow their trails to get them all uprooted. It can take some time and trouble pulling up these things from their roots.

And habits are just like this. It takes time and effort to find their root and pull it up. If we just try to stop the habit (mow it over), we haven’t looked at how and why we acquired it in the first place. There is a reason for everything (Ecc. 3:1).

Robert and I have the privilege of seeing many set free from addictions, fears, and habits, who are able to live life without condemnation and shame. Yes, it does take time and effort, just like weeding does, but seeing your life, your “yard,” cleaned out and landscaped with God’s glorious freedom is worth it.

Filed Under: Christian Coaching, life skills, Prayer Ministry Tagged With: , ,

Evaluations and Comparisons

March 11, 2011 By 4 Comments

By Cyndi

Sometimes I find myself evaluating and comparing everything to something or someone else: my appearance, my house, my finances, my car. And then there’s church. I evaluate the message, the worship, the temperature in the building…you get the idea.
But evaluating and being evaluated by others results at worst in fear and at best in conditional love.

I went to the grocery store the other day and the cashier was going a bit slower than I would have liked her to, so I broke out my evaluation meter in my head. I rated her on a scale of 1-10, thinking she’s about a 3 or 4.  Now did I think she felt the “meter reading”? Probably through my non-verbal communication. Depending on how secure she was, she might have even feared my judgment and disapproval. In my mind, she was “failing” at doing her job. However, if my acceptance of her is based on how well she executes her task, that’s conditional love, and that’s not reflecting the Father’s heart to those around me.

So why do I do this? Why does my evaluation meter come out all the time looking at everything through some sort of a “good/bad-could be better/could be worse” kind of a measurement? It’s like I have a need to weigh the whole universe and everything in it! What it came down to is not what is “out there,” but what is “in there” in my heart. And looking into my heart can be scary at times, because I don’t always like what I find.

And what I usually find is shame–hiding behind lies and ungodly beliefs that have convinced me that I will never measure up, be accepted for who I am, or loved unconditionally. If I compare myself to others, that puts me in the role of the judge, a very lofty place. I can be the one who determines the standard. But God is the only Righteous Judge. My evaluations only reveal the shame and insecurity that are still hidden deep within me.

So the Lord convicted me, then challenged me. After repenting and uprooting a few core lies, Father asked me to put away my evaluation meter. He asked me to try to walk without measuring anything, just accepting things for what they are. The driver in front of me, the service of the waitress, the songs we sing in church, even what I’m wearing (I’m not even worrying if it makes me look fat). He wants me to live in peace, letting go of all comparisons, and just reflect His unfailing love.

Filed Under: control, Father's Love, Shame Tagged With: , , ,

Non-Verbal Statements

February 18, 2011 By 1 Comment

By Cyndi

We’ve all made them and we’ve all picked up on them from others. Non-verbal statements. Our eyes, our facial expressions, our arms, our stance, all have ways of communicating without words. And they can make statements about ourselves.

Not making eye contact with someone or even dropping your head down when others approach can be a non-verbal way of expressing shame or a sense of unworthiness about yourself. Keeping your arms wrapped around you or clinching your fist can be signs of anxiety or tension. Our bodies know what we believe. We are a triune being, spirit, soul, and body, so what happens in one area will naturally affect the others.

Many of us are not aware of what we are “saying” with our body language. As a parent I may verbally agree to something my son wants, yet he looks at me with that, “Are you sure?” look, and I notice my eyebrows are furled and my arms are folded with a defensive posture. If I would take a moment to feel for a little while, I would notice that my heart really needed more time to think about this proposition before giving my consent to it. My body expressed better than my words what my heart already knew.

What about meeting new people at church or at a friend’s house? What is our non-verbal communication saying there? Are we walking around stating we are loved by the King of kings and Lord of lords, that Father God, the Creator of the universe is our loving Daddy, and that the Spirit of God is alive and dwelling in us? Or do we hide alone in a corner not wanting to talk to anyone, hoping everyone will ignore us and not find out who we are.

Now I realize we each have different personalities that God gave us, and I’m not saying we all have to be these boisterous, loud, outgoing party people. What I am trying to communicate here (and if I could physically see you I would be looking directly into your eyes) is that you are so special to God and His thoughts towards you are only good ones (Jer. 29:11). He made you the way He wanted to. You are not a mistake or an accident. Receive His love and reflect it in how you think about yourself. Hold your head high, smile your brightest smile, open your arms to hug those around you. Say it non-verbally: “I am a treasured child of God!”

Filed Under: Emotional Intelligence, Father's Love, Shame Tagged With: , ,

Looking To Improve: Gaining Emotional Intelligence

January 20, 2011 By 2 Comments

By Cyndi

The other evening Robert and I went to a running clinic. It was a basic fundamental class to improve your running technique. To teach this, the instructors had the whole class go outside and be video taped individually as we ran. It was interesting to note the differences in running styles. Each person ran, and each person was unique, but not everyone ran in top form. There was a lack of training and that’s what we came for, to learn.

After the taping we went back inside where they gave us some hands-on instruction. We spread out in the store and practiced as they taught us how to have good posture, how to swing our arms correctly, how to keep a good cadence, etc. Then we watched the videos of ourselves and could see firsthand the things we individually needed to work on. We learned ways to make our running better.

Now here’s the spiritual correlation (you knew this was coming). The apostle Paul uses running a race as an example of our Christian walk. In 1 Cor. 9:24 he states, “Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win!” And in Hebrews 12:1, “Let us run with patience the race that is set before us.”

We each have our own “running style” in life, and just like in running, there are ways to improve and get better. There are things that can help our marriages, help us make peace with our past, help us love our jobs and our children better. Even help us model emotional health for the world around us.

There may not be “running clinics” for the spiritual life, but there are ways to improve. We can increase in our emotional intelligence. Even as those of us at this running clinic were looking for help, don’t be afraid to ask for help in your life. Learning is a process and God has us all in different stages in our own individual lives. If there’s anything we can do to help you “run” better, please contact us.

 

Filed Under: Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, life skills, Personhood Tagged With: , ,

The Strong Man: Revealing Weaknesses

January 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

By Cyndi

Luke 11: 21-22—When a strong man, with all his weapons ready, guards his own house, all his belongings are safe. But when a stronger man attacks him and defeats him, he carries away all the weapons the owner was depending on and divides up what he stole.

As I was reading this verse the other day my heart was saddened as I realized this is such a picture of where many of us Christians are today.

We start out as this strong man, our weapons are ready. We have a college degree, a good job, a decent car, a great spouse, maybe even a kid or two. Life is good. All of our belongings are safe. The bills are paid, there is food in the refrigerator, and we have just bought our first home. Our guard is up and we are taking care of everything: we mow our yards, call our mothers regularly, and buy life insurance. All our belongings are safe.

But then a stronger man comes along. Maybe a job loss, a health crisis, a major house repair, a death, a car accident—something unexpected that is much stronger than us. It becomes overwhelming and we get defeated, maybe financially, maybe emotionally. Now all of our strength, the things we counted on, leaned on, trusted in, are gone—stripped away from us. They are divided up by the bank or by the divorce court. Our life that was so good has now been stolen from us.

This verse is extremely sobering to me. I want to be ready for that stronger man. I want to be looking for any cracks in my walls and holes in my armor. I want to keep my ears open, listening to the Lord and hearing where my weaknesses are. It will be in those spots where the enemy will attack. Oswald Chambers said, “An unguarded strength is a double weakness.” Revealing my weaknesses and confessing where I am falling short are not something to be ashamed of. For it is in this place of humility where the Lord may show His strength (2 Cor.12:9).

Filed Under: humility Tagged With: ,

Emotionally Healthy New Year

December 24, 2010 By 1 Comment

By Cyndi

So here it is approaching New Year’s Day: a time for resolutions—those actions we are determined to accomplish in the forthcoming year. What will they be this time around? Many of us resolve to get healthier, to loose weight, eat better, or exercise. But may I make a suggestion? How about deciding to get emotionally healthier?

Emotional health is usually overlooked when it comes to our well-being. We are made of spirit, soul, and body, yet the organic, physical realm seems to get most of the attention.  Our spirit and soul need “toning” also. They need to eat right and exercise too, if I may use the same analogies. And much of our physical health is influenced by our emotional state, as is the emotional the physical.

But how do we help this? How does emotional health improve? First of all, let’s just look at our emotions. Can we do that? Are we able to recognize and acknowledge what we’re truly feeling? Are we okay with being differentiated from others, feeling good about our own thoughts, opinions, and ideas, even if they don’t match with others? If we have a little trouble doing so, this could be a good starting place for gaining emotional health. Once we can identify our emotions, we can see what’s causing them and get to the root of the issue.

One of our passions at Fountains of Life is helping people come to the realization that God made them special, with a unique design to fulfill the destiny and purpose He has given them. Father God loves us deeply. He has strong emotions for us and He designed us with emotions too. If you are not comfortable with who you are or your state of emotional health, please contact us. We can get you on the path to an emotionally healthy new year.

Filed Under: Emotional Health Tagged With: , ,

Unadorned

December 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

By Cyndi

I’m sitting here writing next to my undecorated Christmas tree. It’s about six feet tall–no lights, no ornaments, no icicles, not even a star at the top yet. Only crookedly poised in its stand, with a lean to the left, and a blanket around the bottom. There it is. Naked and bare, by Christmas standards. Then I thought, “Isn’t this how we stand before God? Naked at the foot of the cross?”

In Psalm 139:14 it says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Just the way we are. Without ornaments, without ribbons, without lights or flashy commercialized decorations. God loves us. Period.

Isn’t that what Christmas is about anyway? This is the time of year we celebrate God sending His Son, Jesus, to be born in our world as a baby. Just like us. Without hoopla, without formal announcements, without Facebook friends commenting. He came.

He humbly came to reveal His great love for us. We weren’t getting it through the prophets and teachers. We weren’t getting it through the laws and commandments. We weren’t getting it through the kings and priests who were leading us. We needed to see Him face to face, to eat dinner with Him, to laugh at jokes with Him, to know He understood where we’re coming from. He came.

So it’s okay that my Christmas tree is still bare. I’ll decorate it soon. But it’s beautiful just as it is. A reminder. He loves me just the way I am.

Filed Under: Father's Love Tagged With: , ,

Keeping Your Form

October 29, 2010 By Leave a Comment

By Cyndi

While running the other morning I was acutely aware that my form was falling apart. That form where I have my shoulders back, my pelvis straight, my eyes looking ahead and my body in fluid motion just wasn’t happening–and I suffered because of it. The run was hard, my body was hurting, and my mind was completely distracted in twenty different directions.

This reminded me of times when my Christian form falls apart. I get busy, my devotions stop, my praying stops, my mind dwells on all the negatives around me…I stop doing what I know I should do. Peter, as an apostolic “coach,” says he doesn’t have a problem reminding us we need to review the fundamentals we were originally taught (2 Pet.1:12).

Most athletes know that errors or injuries occur when they depart from the fundamentals. They know the extreme necessity for keeping your form correct. Whether it is your backhand swing, your batting stance, or your foot positions in ballet, all of these details have a tremendous amount of influence on the outcome.

And what about those basic basic Christian fundamentals—like loving God with all our heart, soul, strength and mind (Luke 10:27)?  Or Micah 6:8, “to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God”?  Before even getting to the primary disciplines of Christianity, we must first receive His love and acceptance, and build on that. We love Him because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

All I know is that when I’m running and my form is falling apart, I need to focus back on my breathing, my posture, where my eyes are focused—the fundamentals. It’s back to basics.

Filed Under: Christianity, Encouragement, Love, Running Tagged With: , , , ,
« Older Posts
Newer Posts »