Marry Me or Go to Hell

May 16, 2010 By 6 Comments

What a statement! Could you imagine this as a marriage proposal? Picture a beautiful candlelight dinner on a balcony, the woman’s face silhouetted by the setting sun on the horizon, her long hair flowing in the gentle breeze. The man fidgets in his pocket and brings forth a small black velvet box, opens it up to reveal an elegant diamond ring, then looks into the soft eyes of his beloved and says, “Marry me, or go to hell.”

How about this scenario: You and a friend are meeting for lunch. You’ve been thinking about sharing the gospel with him for quite some time. The two of you are sitting at the local sub shop, patrons are noisily chatting at nearby tables, and the smell of deli meats and cheeses permeate the air.  You fidget with the words in your mind, nervously take a tract out of your pocket, place it on the table next to the half-eaten pickle on his plate and say, “Accept Jesus, or you will go to hell.”

No one has ever threatened me to do something wonderful. If we were going to Disney World, my parents didn’t have to force me to get into the car. Usually the threat of punishment was used to manipulate me to endure an unpleasant experience, not a good one. So why should we threaten people with hell if what we’re offering them is so great?

What if the gospel was presented more as a surrender to love, rather than a fear of hell? How can we ever grow in intimacy—between us and the Lord, or any other person—if the beginning of our relationship is based in fear?

Filed Under: Christianity, Father's Love Tagged With: , ,

If You’re Happy and You Know It

May 9, 2010 By 3 Comments

By Cyndi

Are you happy? If so, are you showing it? What is happiness based on anyway? It could be wealth, health, family, or a job—to name a few things. Happiness can be determined by how nice a vacation you had, or what size house you have. Maybe your son or daughter getting accepted in a specific college would make you happy. Maybe driving a nicer car or having a brand new flat-screen TV would boost your happiness level up a notch. But does your happiness have to depend on external things?

I remember one day, several years ago, when we were living in the Dominican Republic. I was at the kitchen sink bleaching out fresh lettuce, rinsing it for the third time, looking around at my unfinished cabinets with no doors, through the iron bars in the windows at the clothes hanging on the line outside. Day-to-day life took a lot more work down here, I’d thought. Dust constantly blew in through the open windows of the house, the electricity would randomly go off—we never knew when or for how long. Our groceries had to be bought at the market in town, where you would weave in and out of about four city-blocks worth of little stalls, and I was homeschooling my son. Oh, and there was all the ministry things to do too. But that day, standing in my bleach-stained T-shirt and incomplete kitchen, an overwhelming sense of happiness came over me. I was living with less “things,” making less money, but truly satisfied with my life.

Now, we live back in the states and I try to remind myself of that particular day, especially when I start feeling unhappy and dissatisfied. I remind myself that happiness can come from very simple things. It can come from reading a book, listening to rain, or taking a walk. It can come from watching my son play soccer, fluffing up my cat, or singing songs at church. Laughter, gratitude, friends, family—all these things make me happy.

So what makes you happy? I mean, really happy. That deep down in your core happy. I encourage you to find out. It may be something simple like enjoying time with your family, lying under the stars at night, watching a sunset with your spouse, or having lunch with an old friend. We can choose to be grateful for the things we do have, and not focus on what we don’t.

God has given us a free will to choose and make decisions for ourselves. We can make a choice to be happy and grateful, even when the entire world around us is down and depressed. Being thankful is a choice. If you’re happy and you know it, show it. Happiness can be contagious—catch it and spread it around.

Filed Under: Christianity, families, happiness Tagged With: , , ,

Follow Me

April 24, 2010 By 1 Comment

By Cyndi

Is anyone following you? No, I’m not referring to Twitter, I’m referring to the way you live and conduct your affairs. Are there people that look to you as an example of what a Christian should be?

The other day I read the verse 1 Corinthians 11:1-”Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” As I thought about these words of the apostle Paul, the weightiness of what he said deeply convicted me. Could I say this to others? Do I feel like my life is in the spiritual position it should be, to tell others that they ought to copy me in all that I do and say? Am I honestly trying to live as an imitator of Christ-being a life-giving source flowing with purity and holiness-daily? This was a sobering thought.

I know Paul was not a perfect man, only Jesus was, but he obviously felt clear enough in his conscience that his lifestyle was exemplary. Those of us who are parents have some idea of what it’s like to see your son or daughter mimic your words or actions. This can be very rewarding or very humbling, depending on the incident-especially if done or said in public. We were their examples and they followed us.

So does this verse imply that we must be outwardly constrained at all times, religiously following what we’ve been told is righteous if we are to represent Christ? I don’t believe so. But I do believe it means we are to live with inward constraint and personal responsibility to the truths we know. Jesus told us that we are to live in this world, but not be of it.  Is there anything separating me, as a Christian, apart from the non-Christians around me, or do I appear just like them? Are my inward beliefs affecting my outward life? Why would anyone want to follow me anyway; what do I have that they would want?

Well, I’m going to conclude this article now, since the Lord has pinpointed enough work that needs to be done in me before I can say much more. Someday I hope to be as confident as Paul was, to tell others to imitate me as I follow the Lord. If only it were as simple as clicking a tab on Twitter-like social networking without all the personal responsibility and commitment. Hmm…I bet Paul would have had some interesting words to tweet about that.

Filed Under: Christianity, responsibility Tagged With: , ,

Coloring Outside the Lines

April 18, 2010 By 1 Comment

By Cyndi

Crossing boundaries is like coloring outside the lines in a coloring book. The lines are what make the picture—they define it, express it, they reveal what it is supposed to look like. They help us learn to improve our coloring skills by giving us a framework to function within. Children scribble-scrabble with their crayons. Coloring books help them learn small motor skills, to control hand movements and train them to do what they desire. As youngsters mature, instead of haphazard strokes on a page, mindful and purposeful marks and colors are chosen to create a picture in the way they wish to express it.

Boundaries have a purpose in our lives; they define our picture, who we are. My boundaries, like the coloring book page, are a picture of what I will or will not do.  When someone tries to get me to do something I don’t want to, and they begin to push me, they have crossed my boundary. As I see it, they colored outside the line—my line. This might take the form of a spouse using the silent treatment, or someone using anger to manipulate or control me into doing something I have already said no to. If I am talking with someone and indicate I need to go, and they continue to draw me into conversation, they are coloring across my line.

Many times those who do not respect boundaries and scribble-scrabble over others are struggling with insecurity and fears of being rejected. They are still learning the “small motor skills” of self-control. Part of growing in our spiritual walk is understanding how to honor one another’s rights, choices, and feelings rather than randomly coloring all over the page. We also need the maturity to set loving boundaries with others in a way that still values them. By doing this, it helps us all mature and learn to color within the lines, freely expressing ourselves, yet respecting everyone else’s picture.

Filed Under: Boundaries, Christianity, Counseling Tagged With: , , ,

The Now and the Not Yet

March 18, 2010 By 3 Comments

By Cyndi

I was reading in the book of Numbers, this week, about the story of the twelve spies who went in to check out the Promised Land. This land was a place that God had said the Israelites would live after they had left Egypt. They would drive the inhabitants out, take over, divide the land between the families, and establish themselves homes. The twelve spies were sent to see exactly what was in the land and who they were up against.

To condense the account, out of the twelve men who observed the land, ten of them came back with negative reports. All they could talk about was how huge the people were and how they, the Israelites, would never be able to win a war with those giants and take their lands. The ten reported there were good fruits and farmlands, but in an, “oh, by the way” manner, still conceding there would be no way to oust the inhabitants to get the benefits.

The other two men, Joshua and Caleb, were optimistic. They brought back glowing reports of how awesome the land was—how sweet the fruits were and how rich the soil was for crops.  They concurred that there were giants living there, but because God had given the land to the Israelites, even promised it to them, they could easily remove these beastly people.

What a difference in perception from these two groups. The first focused on the “now,” the second on the “not yet.” The now’s view included huge challenges to overcome and overwhelmingly impossible obstacles to face, but the not yet perceived a successful future of peace and prosperity.

How do we perceive our circumstances? Do we notice only the negatives, the insurmountable odds against us, or do we look beyond those hindrances and see what could be? It’s true we have to live in the now on a daily basis, but let’s put our faith in God, like Joshua and Caleb did, and believe for something better—the not yet.

Filed Under: Christianity, faith, Rest Tagged With: , ,

I Love Maps

March 13, 2010 By 4 Comments

By Cyndi

I love maps. I really do—especially world maps. What I like about them is being able to see the big picture, the entire world at one time, and how things relate to one another. On a map, I can look and see how far away Cuba is fromFlorida. I can look at Colorado and see how far away the Rocky Mountains are from the Smokey Mountains. Robert was just in India last week, and I can determine from a map that he was totally on the opposite side of the world from me. Maps help me put things in perspective as to where I am.

There are times when I wish I could see the map of my whole life, from beginning to end, pinned up on a wall, but I can’t. However, I do know Someone who can—Father God. He knows all about me, when I was born and when I will die; everything that has happened in the past, and all that will happen in the future.  As the song goes, “He’s got the whole world in His hands,” and since I’m on that world, I’m in His hands.

God knows every little thing about me. For some people, this causes fear, as if He’s a “big brother” surveillance camera, waiting to catch them doing something wrong. For me it brings peace. It causes me to be at rest knowing that this world is not just some freak happenstance, and my life isn’t some chaotic randomness of time and events. No, I believe God has a map of my existence, where He can guide and direct me daily. He knows where I am in relation to everything around me, and He has a plan. Jeremiah 29:11—“I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord. They are plans for peace and not disaster; plans to give you a future filled with hope.” Now that’s a good perspective. I really love maps.

Filed Under: Father's Love, Rest, Uncategorized Tagged With: , ,

Idiosyncrasies

March 7, 2010 By 7 Comments

By Cyndi

The other night I was helping my son study for a vocabulary test, and I have to admit, there were some words on the list that I didn’t know. But one which I did know was idiosyncrasy. What a great word. Isn’t it fun just to say it? It has a unique feel about it. I feel different just for saying it. The definition of it, according to dictionary.com, is “a characteristic, habit, mannerism, or the like, that is peculiar to an individual.” Hmm…I know a verse that mentions the word “peculiar,” 1 Peter 2:9—“But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people…”

It is so interesting to see how diversified we all are. Each one of us has certain quirks and tell-tale signs that identify us. We have different likes and dislikes. We have our own marked style of how we talk, how we walk, how we dress, and how we eat. For example, take eating Oreo cookies. You will find multiple modes of what some say are the “right” way to do this. I know within my family there are at least three “best” procedures to eat them, and they all must include milk. However, the fact is, there is no right or wrong method, just your own.

One of my idiosyncrasies is how I put my shoes and socks on always left foot first. The order has to be left sock, left shoe, right sock, right shoe. I do not know why I do this, but I do. Just like I have always put my left earring on first before my right, and wear my watch on my right wrist instead of my left. I have some peculiar habits that make me who I am and not someone else.

God delights in our individuality. He created us in His image (Gen. 1:26), yet has given each one of us our own characteristics, distinguishing us one from another. We all develop unique habits and mannerisms that pertain solely to us, making us peculiar people. We are supposed to be diverse. Revel and enjoy your idiosyncrasies. You are special.

Filed Under: Father's Love, Rest Tagged With: , , ,

The Crossing of Emotional Boundaries

February 27, 2010 By 15 Comments

The other day Robert and I were going to go grab a bite to eat for lunch. He suggested a sandwich shop or a pizza place, but I was in the mood for Chinese food. After a brief discussion, we ended up getting Chinese take-out. I knew what I had wanted so I stated it clearly, but not demandingly. As we drove away, the Lord reminded me of some changes that have taken place in my life over the last few years.

There was a point in time where I could hardly make a decision on my own. If you would have asked me what I wanted to do, without thinking I would have replied, “I don’t care, whatever you want.” If you would have asked me where I wanted to go out for dinner, I would have replied, “I don’t care, wherever you want.” If you would have asked me what movie I wanted to see, I would again have replied, “I don’t care, whatever one you would like.” It wasn’t that I really didn’t care, though I thought so at the time, it was that I didn’t know what I truly felt. I didn’t take the time to think and ask myself those questions—I thought my point of view had no value.

My emotions had been pushed so far down in order to please others and “follow the rules,” that I had stopped considering what my own feelings were or what opinions I might have.  This happened because I allowed my emotional boundaries to be crossed—I had allowed others to tell me what I should think and feel.

Boundaries are where one thing stops and another thing begins.  Think about borders of countries or even a fence, for example—one area is separated from another.  In people, there can be physical, mental and emotional boundaries that define who we are, and who we are not. Whenever these lines are crossed without permission, it takes away from my personhood, blurring the point of what makes me, me and you, you.

If I agree with everybody and everything, changing my beliefs, opinions, and morals to morph with whomever I am with, then I am not defined. I become like a child, as Paul states in Ephesians 4:14, who is “tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine.”

Others can influence me to the point where I really don’t know what I believe, nor why. My own personhood doesn’t get developed. I stop making decisions based on what I think or want because I’m more concerned with what others think or want. Eventually, for me, this led to believing that they really do know what’s best and that my views or impressions didn’t have any value or worth.  I didn’t set an emotional boundary that said, “You have a right to your likes and dislikes, and I have a right to mine.”

At times I still struggle to set boundaries with others, but knowing Father God sees me as a unique individual with value, and Who made me different from others for a reason, has given me great strength and courage to define myself.  My decision making has gotten better too. Now, if I say, “I don’t care, whatever you want,” then it’s because I already thought about it, and I truly don’t have a preference. Although Chinese food is one of my favorites.

Filed Under: authority, Boundaries, Father's Love, Personhood Tagged With: , , ,

Hard or Soft?

February 12, 2010 By 11 Comments

By Cyndi

How do we Christians come across to the world around us? What do our friends, family, and co-workers think about our Christianity? Do we display the attributes of Christ in our daily lives? I was challenged by these questions just the other day and wondered how I appear to the people I meet every day.

Last week I was having a conversation with a friend and afterwards I realized that I dominated the conversation. It was all about me. What pride! Oh, I asked about how she was doing but I wasn’t really listening. I was waiting to share some more things about me the minute she stopped talking. And then when I got caught in traffic driving to another part of town, I was extremely impatient and furious with all the incompetent drivers I was around. “If they could all just drive like me it would be so much better,” I thought. Yes, dear reader, sometimes my Christianity is quite hard and harsh. It’s not always a pretty sight.

So I picked up Andrew Murray’s Humility book and decided it was time to re-read it again. (I think this is one of those books you need to read at least once a year—at least I need to.) I found this particular line quite interesting:

In striving after the higher experiences of the Christian life, the believer is often in danger of aiming at and rejoicing in what one might call the human, the manly, virtues, such as boldness, joy, contempt of the world, zeal, self-sacrifice, while the deeper and gentler, the diviner and more heavenly graces, poverty of spirit, meekness, humility, lowliness, are scarcely thought of or valued (pg. 56).

So I can take the “onward Christian soldiers” approach, plowing through everything and everyone who gets in my way of living for God, or I can attempt to live by the “more heavenly graces,” as Murray says. If I were humble, I would carefully listen to my friend share about how she was doing—her challenges, her delights—so that I could pray for her or rejoice with her as Rom. 12:15 instructs me to do. If I were meek and lowly, I would not stress out in traffic, or get angry and judge the inapt drivers, but be patient and kind instead—-preferring others (Rom. 12:10).

I have repented for my rude behavior of the past and am trying to focus on the sensitive side of Christianity. Yes, I still think there is a place for the harder, stronger virtues of fasting, fearless preaching, and warring in the Spirit, but maybe our world needs to see more of the softer, gentler, loving and forgiving attributes of us Christians.

Filed Under: Christianity, Father's Love, humility Tagged With: , , ,

Life Is A Marathon

January 18, 2010 By 4 Comments

The older I get, the more I see that life is all about endurance, not quick fixes. This is not to say it is about just getting by or coasting, no; it is about seeing a mountain in front of you and taking on the challenge to climb it, even if you know it will take years to do.  Then after going to that summit, looking for the next one to climb and conquer. It is a long-term life trek.

I personally have taken on the challenge to run a marathon this year and I have been training for months. This is a long-term goal I am working towards.  Paul, in 2 Timothy 4, talks to us about living that marathon life-of enduring, longsuffering, watching, and fighting, to finish our course. Our society today is not real big on any of these. Technology is usually designed to make things easier on us, not harder. But our lives should be different from the world; we are to walk through a narrow gate, not the wider, more comfortable one.

When our problems are fixed quickly, we tend to fall back and get more lenient, not necessarily seeking the Lord every day; but when there are challenges and mountains ahead of us, we fall on our faces and cry out for mercy.  This is the true life of a Christian-diligently seeking Him, going for those insurmountable odds, knowing that it is His grace that causes us to triumph, and believing “I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me!” And notice that it is “I.” It is not Him doing it, we are. “We” have to get intotraining, pick up our hiking sticks, our running shoes, and learn how to do it. He will strengthen us, but it is us who has to walk it out.  Let us take our responsibility to finish our course, leaning on Him for guidance, and going for the summit regardless of the pain and discomfort. We are overcomers taking our life-long trek of 26.2 miles, one step at a time.

Filed Under: Uncategorized
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