We Are Three

March 11, 2012 By 2 Comments

By Cyndi

Yesterday as I went out for a run, I was reflecting back on the opportunity I had had an hour or so earlier that day to witness and share with someone what the Lord has been doing in my life. I was invigorated and stirred up spiritually after that. My heart was full of praise, the sun was shining, and I was clipping along at a fairly quick pace. I could feel my spirit, soul and body in complete harmony and resonating with joy.

Gen.1:26 says, “And God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.’”  God is a 3-part being – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit – and so are we. We are made in His likeness. Our spirit, soul and body are interconnected, integrated into one person that makes up who we are. One part does not exist without the others. If something influences one part, it will automatically affect the other two. As in the example above, my physical body and soul were energized by the spiritual opportunity that I had encountered.

The other day a medical doctor was telling us how so much emphasis is on physical health in her profession, but that without spiritual and emotional health, we don’t really have anything. The physical is only one-third of us. If only one-third of our car is working, would it still run? No. We would be silly to think it would, yet we attempt to “run” our bodies without the other two parts in working condition.

When we understand that all three parts of us affect one another, this can help us tremendously, especially in stabilizing our emotions. Look at it this way: if we are struggling with maintaining spiritual activities (prayer, Bible reading, etc.), or if we are struggling with being physically active or connecting with people (exercising, fellowshipping, etc.), then this information simply lets us know there may be an emotional disturbance within us. One of our “parts” may be out of balance and we need to check on it.

God wants all three parts of us to be blessed and to prosper (3 John 1:2). And when we are harmonized together, it is like a musical trio that creates beautiful sounds that blend into a pleasing song. Or it could be like running in your best form, setting your best time and pace. As we are functioning as a 3-part being, balancing each of them and helping them work together, life is good.

Filed Under: design, Emotions, happiness, Running, Uncategorized Tagged With: , ,

Sonship Identity and Autonomy

March 4, 2012 By 2 Comments

By Robert

Last week I wrote about Sonship in terms of feeling safe with fathers and opening our hearts to allow their influence in our lives. I want to build on that this week. Healthy sonship identity leads to increased capacity for autonomy. This is where maturity really happens.

Think of physical abuse for a moment, a slap across the face when you didn’t even realize you were saying something wrong. This treats a person like an object, diminishing sonship identity, because it does not respect their thoughts or feelings. It causes the person to experience feelings of powerlessness, to struggle with initiative, and with taking personal responsibility.

Romans 8:16 says, “For the Holy Spirit speaks to us and tells our spirit that we are children of God.” This is our identity, we are children of God. “For He planned in love, for us to be adopted as His own children…accepted in the beloved” (Eph1:5, 6 Amp.).

Man rebelled. Adam choose the independence of knowing good and evil, to choose for himself how he would live life. Even though God created Adam, the air he breathed, the water he drank, and the food he ate, God didn’t destroy him for his betrayal. God tried to talk with Adam but he did not take responsibility for his actions, he blame shifted, “That woman you gave me.” It is also noteworthy that God also did not act in co-dependence and rescue Adam from the consequences of his choices. This is good parenting that builds a healthy identity. It is important to know Father God as one who respects free will and one who is also secure enough to allow us to learn from our wrong choices. This is well exemplified in the story of the prodigal. The father never closed his heart toward the rebellious son, nor did he run to him in the pig pen.

“Think about healthy childhood development. A wise parent will allow increasing autonomy, encouraging the child to make decisions and face the consequences. When we see a person who has never grown up they often blame shift and justify, not accepting responsibility for their choices. Such a person takes little or no initiative but is highly responsive to outside influences, blown this way and that according to the prevailing wind of other persons. This may be extreme, but everyone is challenged by this some.” Ted Ward

When we can see God’s heart toward us and receive His discipline, knowing it is for our actions, and not an attack on our person, we mature. We are able to see how our wrong behavior hurts our relationship with God and others. We learn reciprocity in the world that teaches us greater community, openness, humility, empathy, and core values. These values become integrated in us producing greater autonomy. Not because we have to or we’ll be rejected, but rather because we have a healthy identity in God’s love and value that love and desire to give it to others from a deep place inside of us.

Filed Under: sonship, Spiritual Maturity Tagged With: , ,

Are You Fathered?

February 25, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Robert

Picture two nine year old boys staring out the window of an orphanage longing for simple things. A family to be with on Christmas morning, the taste of warm cookies and milk after school. God put a deep longing in us for loving family. Closeness with God is founded in being a son comfortable with his father. Living as fatherless leaves us languid, without an inheritance, without emotional resources and opportunities that only fathers can give. How do we learn sonship?

Was dad there with acceptance and comforting love when I gave it my all but still struck out and my teammates sneered and scoffed? Did he rejoice with me when I worked hard and aced my final exam? When I wrecked the car and dad was upset, did I still know he was safe? Was dad’s love and authority a safe and warm place for my heart to rest?

Many of us had parents in the home, but their emotional absence or abuse left us feeling like orphans. Walking with God is about embracing a posture of sonship. It is more than loyalty and obedience, it is a heart responding to love, crying out, “Abba Father.” However, if you didn’t learn this growing up, how do you get there?

Daniel LaRusso grew up without a father. High school age, he moved from New Jersey to Los Angeles and promptly found himself being picked on. Enter Mr. Miyagi. He knew how to father, how to believe in someone who doesn’t believe in themselves. He knew how to see potential in Daniel and draw it out of him. Daniel gained the ability to risk because Miyagi gave him the fathering presence that was a sure emotional foundation to risk from. Daniel was able to risk fighting the Cobra Kai martial arts team, facing potential harm, with no guarantee of success. Many of you know this as the Karate Kid story, but the truth is, we all long for a spiritual father to believe in us.

To grow as a son you have to be willing to open your heart to a father. He won’t be perfect, he may not fit your perception of how a father does things, but he’ll change your life if you let him. Mr. Miyagi taught Daniel to be teachable, taught him to work hard and not ask questions. Daniel had to take on the posture of a son if he wanted the inheritance Miyagi offered.

Romans 8:14 says we have to be led (teachable) in order to be sons. Verse 15 says that by being led, the Spirit frees us of the fears that come from living in independence, fear of having to fend for ourselves because we can’t let a father be there for us. God gives us adoption to sonship wherein we cry Abba (Daddy) Father. Hebrews 12:8, 9 says it this way: if we can’t receive correction from Father, we are as illegitimate sons. No father equals no inheritance. Verse 9, If we can receive correction, we LIVE. God’s life flows through us. Back to Romans 8, verse 17 confirms this that when we live led, we get inheritance, we are heirs with Christ. We mature into what God has for us and make a difference in the world in the unique way God created us for.

1 John 4:20 says we don’t have in the spiritual what is not seen in the natural. In other words, if I have a heart of sonship toward God, you will see evidence of that in how I relate to spiritual fathers and authority figures, on earth. It starts with opening my heart, taking on the posture of a son. God has some Cobra Kai for you to fight. Will you take the risk?

Filed Under: Father's Love, Jack Frost, Leadership, Servant-Leadership, sonship Tagged With: , , , , ,

Facebook Parenting: For the Troubled Teen Considered

February 18, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Video of father shooting his daughter’s laptop

This video of a father shooting his daughter’s laptop has gone viral.

Some applaud this father’s actions. They have an appearance of expressing discipline, of this father not enabling his daughter’s bad behavior. However, it might be interesting to consider where his daughter learned this type of behavior. If we talk about life skills for a moment, we could consider how differences are dealt with in a given family unit and even how discipline is applied. The question always come back to dignity versus shame, treating another as a person or an object. A nail is an object. You don’t care how it feels, you beat on it at will. Objectification of others involves not respecting their thoughts, feelings, choices, and physical space. What does dignity interaction look like?

Both the father and daughter in this video attack each other’s identity by derogatory language and judgments. The life skills of treating each other as a child of God might include:

  • An attempt to look past the hurt with empathy and consideration of what was happening in the other person’s heart that produced these actions. Instead there was judgment and acting out.
  • Having dialogue about the issue that is not agreed on. Even though there are differences, each person’s thoughts and feelings are respected, the other person’s heart is listened to.
  • If discipline is necessary it is done with dignity, a boundaries approach.

If this daughter had grown up in this kind of an environment it is doubtful she would have even made a Facebook post like the father read. Many people lack the skills of healthy, respect based interaction. However, that is not the biggest problem. These skills can be learned. I believe the bigger problem is when we celebrate these types of shaming interactions and don’t even see the need for change.

WARNING: This video contains some curse words. There is a warning on the video page also.

Link to Video: Facebook Parenting: For the troubled teen

 

 

Filed Under: Shame Tagged With: , ,

Getting Emotionally Fit

February 18, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Cyndi

We all know we are supposed to exercise to keep our bodies healthy. Our heart needs to keep pumping, our muscles need to stay strong, everything in our body needs to be used regularly to maintain health and strength. If we live a sedentary life without physically moving much, then our body goes into atrophy. There becomes a decline or wasting away of vitality and abilities.

But what about our emotional health? Do you ever hear of anyone doing fitness for their emotions? A little weird, maybe? Maybe not. Our society is laden with depression, anxiety, and other emotional turmoil; and yes, there are times when medication may be needed. However, there are some steps we can take on a daily basis to help keep our emotions “fit.”

Step one, run some tests. Just like checking our bodies out physically first, check yourself out emotionally. Instead of standing on a scale and looking at the numbers, sit somewhere quiet and look into your heart. What’s in there? I mean, really. What’s in there? “Weigh in” and take notes. Which leads me to step two–journaling. You don’t have to have a fancy book with butterflies on the cover or bordered colored pages inside. A simple spiral notebook works fine. There are also some free journaling programs online you can download to do it on your computer, if you prefer. Just write.

Journaling is a great way to exercise your emotions. And just like doing bicep curls or push ups, do it repeatedly; if not every day, at least a few times a week. As there are different parts of the body to work out, there are different emotional parts: personal, family, work, past, present, future, hopes, spiritual, relational…I think you get the idea. Express yourself, your concerns, your dreams; it’s just between you and the Lord, which is the next step. Bring all these emotions before Him. I think reading the Psalms is basically like reading David’s journal. This is a good place to start if you need help.

Emotions are not right or wrong, they just are. And they belong to you. God honors your free choice and so should you. Allow yourself to feel. Now, as a disclaimer, that doesn’t give you the right to unleash all these emotions onto others; that’s why you write them down and bring them before the Lord. Talk to Him about them.

We want our emotional health to be just as important as our physical health. So go work out! No gym membership is required. Get emotionally fit.

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Filed Under: Emotional Health, emotional responsibility, Emotions, life skills, self awareness Tagged With: , , ,

A Perfect Work

February 11, 2012 By 2 Comments

By Cyndi

I was reading through some chapters in Exodus lately and I was reveling in the details God gave in building the Ark of the Covenant and the construction of the Tent of Meeting. He specified exactly what kind of wood to use, the precise measurements of everything from the length of the Table of Showbread to the carvings on the Golden Lampstand, and even the exact colors and types of skin to use for the curtains. God had some well-defined plans made for this project.

Which makes me look at myself. I’m definitely a work in progress – a project the Lord is still building. I’m still dealing with issues, still working out struggles and challenges in my life. But as I see the nature of God through His word and through His creation, I believe He is extremely precise and accurate in everything. His plan for my life has clear-cut measurements and perfect timing for me as an individual, not a cookie-cutter person.

I can see that through all my childhood years, all my experiences as a teenager, and all my life as an adult, God is intricately building me to His design. He is using everything I’ve gone through (and going to go through) to select the colors, to carve a patterns, and to place in order my unique life. Experiences leave an impression on us. And when we deal with our issues and come to terms with them, God causes that impression to become His mark on us – that others will see Him in us. He is the same God from the book of Exodus; His plans are distinct, explicit, and perfect.

Filed Under: Christianity, destiny, Encouragement, Personhood, Spiritual Maturity Tagged With: , , , , ,

Overcoming Lifelong Roadblocks

February 2, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Robert

Has your car ever been stuck in the mud? You give it gas again and again, putting it in forward and reverse. You get muddy as you try putting a rock under the tire. Nothing works. You feel powerless. Many people have an area of their lives like this. I know some people who have struggled with anxiety most of their lives, myself included. Others have never been able to rightly relate to a controlling mother-in-law. Some have battled anger and feel as if they never can get forward movement toward their dreams. Not giving up is a theme many movies have used to tug on deep heart strings; however, a key component to being able to not give up is to never stop learning.

Have you ever savored the work of a good carpenter? The intricate woodwork, the smooth fit and finish in a dark cherry; it’s exquisite. How does he do it? Skill and know how are clearly a big part, but also the knowledge of the right tool at the right time is huge. At our webinar this week we will discuss tools for removing blockages to being fully in the light so as to find growth in our issues. We will also explore techniques for more critically defining the fruit and root of our roadblocks which leads to more effectively overcoming them.

It is easy to feel discouraged over the things we’ve struggled with for years. There’s not only a sense of hopelessness but many times a feeling of loss. Nevertheless, these roadblocks actually can become our very stepping stones into our destinies as we are equipped with authority in the area of what we have overcome, and  have compassion for others who are stuck in a similar way.

In our upcoming webinar we will unpack some intricate tools for detailed carpenter work in finding freedom. These are tools Robert uses in the toughest cases of prayer ministry he encounters. We will also have some interactive exercises to increase our “know how” with these tools.

Come and join us this Thursday.

Foundations of Freedom Webinar, Thursday February 9,
7-8pm Eastern Time
Cost is $10. Registration required.
904-270-9472
info@fountainsoflife.org

CLICK HERE to watch video of this blog

Filed Under: destiny, Healings, How to Change, life skills, Prayer Ministry, Skill Sets, Spiritual Maturity Tagged With: , , , ,

Drama Avoidance

January 27, 2012 By 1 Comment

By Robert

A woman walks into her husband’s office and he immediately complains that she’s late. She sharply replies that she had to drop the kids off at school. Angered by this, the husband states that she should have planned better so as not to be late.

There was a major 20-year study of marriages where they looked at what skills that successful marriages have that unsuccessful marriages do not. The study unanimously found one skill predominant over every other. That skill was the ability to believe the best of one another even in an argument and not automatically assume that one partner had bad motives or that somebody was wrong.

Most arguments are usually over a difference of opinion, a difference in priority, or a difference in value. So when a couple can hear each others’ heart and keep the conversation safe where each person can say what they’re feeling and what their priority is, a way forward can be found. However, even if we know this skill, many times it breaks down. Especially if we get triggered.

If we get triggered, the chances are not so good that we’ll be able to hear one another’s hearts, so what we often do instead is create drama. Cutting remarks, the silent treatment, some type of drama to avoid feeling something we don’t really want to feel.

A real tool we can use if we notice that the skill is breaking down is to simply ask ourselves the question, “What am I not wanting to feel here? What feeling am I trying to avoid through this drama I’m creating?”  In the case of the example we used at the beginning, it was a feeling of insecurity that the husband was trying to avoid, hence the angry tone and drama he was creating.

Let’s look at this scenario again in a different light:
A woman walks into her husband’s office and he immediately complains that she’s late. She sharply replies that she had to drop the kids off at school. He then tells of his concern as it got later and later, and how he felt insecure and that maybe she didn’t care what was important to him. With this, she calmly replies that she was rushing to get there, but one of the kids had left a book at home so she had to go back to get it, causing her to be late. Upon hearing this explanation, the husband defuses and apologizes for jumping to conclusions and creating drama.

Filed Under: emotional responsibility, Emotions, How to Change, life skills, self awareness, Skill Sets Tagged With: , ,

Coming to the Light

January 20, 2012 By 1 Comment

By Robert

Have you ever hidden things about yourself? Maybe ways you’ve felt jealous of someone or threatened by someone? Ways you’ve struggled with a habitual sin? Maybe it’s walking around with an angry edge but never really addressing it. This can often lead to feelings of condemnation, hopelessness, struggles with loneliness, or anxieties. One night at a restaurant I observed another couple who didn’t talk or look at each other the entire meal. The husband just sat there reading a book as they ate. There was no intimacy between them. Clearly they had some issues in their hearts that had not come to the light.

Hiding things about ourselves hinders fellowship and keeps us from feeling clean on the inside.

So often we try to handle things on our own, putting up a strong front, but this is independence. Independence is the opposite of fellowship. Independence is what blocks our true heartfelt connection with God and man. What is the key to effectively deal with this? It starts with understanding how to come to the light.

We come to the light when we risk trusting someone enough to open up to them. Exposing our interior secrets and struggles to another person shines a light into the dark corners of our hearts.

Is there someone who really knows you? Someone who knows you well enough to see your patterns? One to whom you trust enough to put the walls down and allow to speak into your life?

1 John 5:7 says, “If we walk in the light… we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin.”

There are two primary things here. One, light brings us to experience true, effective fellowship wherein we feel connected and no longer lonely. And two, light is where the blood cleanses us, where it becomes effective, where our heart can truly receive forgiveness, and we feel clean.

If you’ve been in emotional pain, feeling cut off, struggling with anger or fear, take a step. Find someone you trust and begin coming to the light.

Filed Under: Emotional Health, How to Change, life skills, Spiritual Maturity Tagged With: , , , ,

What Is Darkness?

January 13, 2012 By 1 Comment

By Cyndi

We live in a world that values strength and belittles weakness. We idolize characters such as Rambo, John Wayne, and Jason Bourne. It is so easy to feel that there is no way to advance in life if people see our weaknesses, our personal struggles. So we tend to be drawn toward hiding these things about ourselves. We want to put them in the dark where no one can see them. Yet, if we can’t even acknowledge we have struggles, how can we ever hope to overcome them? Understanding what is darkness and what is light puts a huge tool in our hands for growth.

Blatant sin, of course, is darkness; however, there can be smaller, less noticeable ways where we might be living in the dark. 1 John 1:6 says,”… if we say we have fellowship with God, but we continue living in darkness, we lie and do not follow the truth.” So what exactly does this “living in darkness” mean? Simply put, anything that is hidden and not exposed. To paraphrase Andrew Murray’s definition of humility, darkness is not being willing to be known for who we really are.

If we are humble – being known for who we really are – then we find no reason to hide our past, our present struggles, or our future dreams. But being open and transparent like this involves risk. If we were to divulge certain things about ourselves, people may reject us or make fun of us, or even worse, they may not love and accept us. And it’s possible they may abandon us.

It’s much easier to stay in the dark than to take the chance of living in openness and transparency, but unfortunately, there are “friends” that tend to hang around us there. Fear, worry, anxiety, shame, guilt – all of these can be our ‘best friends’ when we’re in darkness. And there’s no peace or rest there. Only by embracing light do we position ourselves to experience growth.

We can be free from our past and live emotionally present in all our relationships today! By facing the hidden darkness in our lives, we can find freedom to be who we really are, unashamedly. Light is the place where we have the actual experience of feeling secure in our Father’s arms and live open-hearted to the world.

Filed Under: Christianity, Father's Love, humility, Shame, Spiritual Maturity Tagged With: , , , , ,
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