Marry Me or Go to Hell

May 16, 2010 By 6 Comments

What a statement! Could you imagine this as a marriage proposal? Picture a beautiful candlelight dinner on a balcony, the woman’s face silhouetted by the setting sun on the horizon, her long hair flowing in the gentle breeze. The man fidgets in his pocket and brings forth a small black velvet box, opens it up to reveal an elegant diamond ring, then looks into the soft eyes of his beloved and says, “Marry me, or go to hell.”

How about this scenario: You and a friend are meeting for lunch. You’ve been thinking about sharing the gospel with him for quite some time. The two of you are sitting at the local sub shop, patrons are noisily chatting at nearby tables, and the smell of deli meats and cheeses permeate the air.  You fidget with the words in your mind, nervously take a tract out of your pocket, place it on the table next to the half-eaten pickle on his plate and say, “Accept Jesus, or you will go to hell.”

No one has ever threatened me to do something wonderful. If we were going to Disney World, my parents didn’t have to force me to get into the car. Usually the threat of punishment was used to manipulate me to endure an unpleasant experience, not a good one. So why should we threaten people with hell if what we’re offering them is so great?

What if the gospel was presented more as a surrender to love, rather than a fear of hell? How can we ever grow in intimacy—between us and the Lord, or any other person—if the beginning of our relationship is based in fear?

Filed Under: Christianity, Father's Love Tagged With: , ,

If You’re Happy and You Know It

May 9, 2010 By 3 Comments

By Cyndi

Are you happy? If so, are you showing it? What is happiness based on anyway? It could be wealth, health, family, or a job—to name a few things. Happiness can be determined by how nice a vacation you had, or what size house you have. Maybe your son or daughter getting accepted in a specific college would make you happy. Maybe driving a nicer car or having a brand new flat-screen TV would boost your happiness level up a notch. But does your happiness have to depend on external things?

I remember one day, several years ago, when we were living in the Dominican Republic. I was at the kitchen sink bleaching out fresh lettuce, rinsing it for the third time, looking around at my unfinished cabinets with no doors, through the iron bars in the windows at the clothes hanging on the line outside. Day-to-day life took a lot more work down here, I’d thought. Dust constantly blew in through the open windows of the house, the electricity would randomly go off—we never knew when or for how long. Our groceries had to be bought at the market in town, where you would weave in and out of about four city-blocks worth of little stalls, and I was homeschooling my son. Oh, and there was all the ministry things to do too. But that day, standing in my bleach-stained T-shirt and incomplete kitchen, an overwhelming sense of happiness came over me. I was living with less “things,” making less money, but truly satisfied with my life.

Now, we live back in the states and I try to remind myself of that particular day, especially when I start feeling unhappy and dissatisfied. I remind myself that happiness can come from very simple things. It can come from reading a book, listening to rain, or taking a walk. It can come from watching my son play soccer, fluffing up my cat, or singing songs at church. Laughter, gratitude, friends, family—all these things make me happy.

So what makes you happy? I mean, really happy. That deep down in your core happy. I encourage you to find out. It may be something simple like enjoying time with your family, lying under the stars at night, watching a sunset with your spouse, or having lunch with an old friend. We can choose to be grateful for the things we do have, and not focus on what we don’t.

God has given us a free will to choose and make decisions for ourselves. We can make a choice to be happy and grateful, even when the entire world around us is down and depressed. Being thankful is a choice. If you’re happy and you know it, show it. Happiness can be contagious—catch it and spread it around.

Filed Under: Christianity, families, happiness Tagged With: , , ,

Connection, Identity, and Support

May 1, 2010 By 1 Comment

By Robert

Joe felt so disconnected, always on the outside, at work and school and church. As he was growing up his dad had never been around. There had never really been a man in his life to call forth his identity. Julie felt an almost continual low-level anxiety—constantly afraid things might fall apart. She had a sense of impending doom, a fear of financial disaster, or some grave illness or family crisis. It was so hard to believe God would be available to her.

Eph 3:14-15 (AMP) For this reason I bow my knees before the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, For Whom every family in heaven and on earth is named [that Father from Whom all fatherhood takes its title and derives its name].

Fathering, mothering, and family are all God’s idea and God’s design. Every little boy and little girl needs to know dad and mom love them, and be secure in that love. Children need a sense of connection and identity. They need to know they are supported in all the life skills they must acquire to grow up.

When these foundational elements are missing (connection, identity, and support), wounding often takes place. God’s plan is for a divine exchange to happen, where Christians shift from the family model their parents gave them, to connecting directly with God’s love. We should feel like sons in His family rather than orphans. Most all wounding is based right here in these three elements. Think about it. Any fears I have—anxieties over finances, health, family, destiny—are all rooted in a difficulty believing God will be there for me. It is orphan living.

All healing needs to be based in these three things as well. Finding a connection to God’s love, and having our identity in that rather than performance or independence, is what brings about healing. There is a safe place in His love for both emotional and physical needs.  Just forgiving those who hurt us or trying to get rid of pain should not be the goal. Having intimacy with God, learning to live a connected, Fathered life, daily walking in His love and in sonship, is what He wants for all of us.

Filed Under: Boundaries, Christianity, Counseling, Father's Love, sonship Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Follow Me

April 24, 2010 By 1 Comment

By Cyndi

Is anyone following you? No, I’m not referring to Twitter, I’m referring to the way you live and conduct your affairs. Are there people that look to you as an example of what a Christian should be?

The other day I read the verse 1 Corinthians 11:1-”Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” As I thought about these words of the apostle Paul, the weightiness of what he said deeply convicted me. Could I say this to others? Do I feel like my life is in the spiritual position it should be, to tell others that they ought to copy me in all that I do and say? Am I honestly trying to live as an imitator of Christ-being a life-giving source flowing with purity and holiness-daily? This was a sobering thought.

I know Paul was not a perfect man, only Jesus was, but he obviously felt clear enough in his conscience that his lifestyle was exemplary. Those of us who are parents have some idea of what it’s like to see your son or daughter mimic your words or actions. This can be very rewarding or very humbling, depending on the incident-especially if done or said in public. We were their examples and they followed us.

So does this verse imply that we must be outwardly constrained at all times, religiously following what we’ve been told is righteous if we are to represent Christ? I don’t believe so. But I do believe it means we are to live with inward constraint and personal responsibility to the truths we know. Jesus told us that we are to live in this world, but not be of it.  Is there anything separating me, as a Christian, apart from the non-Christians around me, or do I appear just like them? Are my inward beliefs affecting my outward life? Why would anyone want to follow me anyway; what do I have that they would want?

Well, I’m going to conclude this article now, since the Lord has pinpointed enough work that needs to be done in me before I can say much more. Someday I hope to be as confident as Paul was, to tell others to imitate me as I follow the Lord. If only it were as simple as clicking a tab on Twitter-like social networking without all the personal responsibility and commitment. Hmm…I bet Paul would have had some interesting words to tweet about that.

Filed Under: Christianity, responsibility Tagged With: , ,

Coloring Outside the Lines

April 18, 2010 By 1 Comment

By Cyndi

Crossing boundaries is like coloring outside the lines in a coloring book. The lines are what make the picture—they define it, express it, they reveal what it is supposed to look like. They help us learn to improve our coloring skills by giving us a framework to function within. Children scribble-scrabble with their crayons. Coloring books help them learn small motor skills, to control hand movements and train them to do what they desire. As youngsters mature, instead of haphazard strokes on a page, mindful and purposeful marks and colors are chosen to create a picture in the way they wish to express it.

Boundaries have a purpose in our lives; they define our picture, who we are. My boundaries, like the coloring book page, are a picture of what I will or will not do.  When someone tries to get me to do something I don’t want to, and they begin to push me, they have crossed my boundary. As I see it, they colored outside the line—my line. This might take the form of a spouse using the silent treatment, or someone using anger to manipulate or control me into doing something I have already said no to. If I am talking with someone and indicate I need to go, and they continue to draw me into conversation, they are coloring across my line.

Many times those who do not respect boundaries and scribble-scrabble over others are struggling with insecurity and fears of being rejected. They are still learning the “small motor skills” of self-control. Part of growing in our spiritual walk is understanding how to honor one another’s rights, choices, and feelings rather than randomly coloring all over the page. We also need the maturity to set loving boundaries with others in a way that still values them. By doing this, it helps us all mature and learn to color within the lines, freely expressing ourselves, yet respecting everyone else’s picture.

Filed Under: Boundaries, Christianity, Counseling Tagged With: , , ,

Bravado in Christianity

March 28, 2010 By 4 Comments

By Robert

We can often have a tendency to define ourselves but what we view is “right.” For example, there is the person passionately promoting their teaching, training, or book. “This is it, this is what God is doing in this hour, if you buy this it will change your life.”

In Matthew 22 the Sadducees were passionate about what they thought was “right” pertaining to the resurrection. “Moses said,” was their opening statement. This might be defined as the “My dad is bigger than your dad, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya” approach.

In Matthew 22:34-36 the Pharisees take a shot at exalting their “rightness.” A smooth talking lawyer asks, “What’s the greatest commandment? There are so many good things one can do, honor parents, keep the Sabbath holy, don’t touch lepers, or have no other gods.”

This is similar to the people today promoting their books on prayer, or warfare, missions, or walking in the kingdom, to the point you are not “right” if you are not involved in it.

Why is it so important to be right? The lawyer basically said, “What commandment can I keep, what can I do that will make me right, acceptable in God’s sight?”

In my home growing up, not “being right” could get you hurt. My dad would give me some type of job to do and if I didn’t do it “right,” I got jumped on. If I didn’t know to be quiet at the right time, it could get me yelled at or slapped.

Jesus answers these questions in verses 37-40, “Guys, it is not about who knows the most or who is most doctrinally correct or who can do the “right” thing the best. Guys, it is about love.”

On love hangs all the law and the prophets. Galatians 5:14 sums it up, “All law is fulfilled in one word—love.”

Filed Under: Christianity, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

The Now and the Not Yet

March 18, 2010 By 3 Comments

By Cyndi

I was reading in the book of Numbers, this week, about the story of the twelve spies who went in to check out the Promised Land. This land was a place that God had said the Israelites would live after they had left Egypt. They would drive the inhabitants out, take over, divide the land between the families, and establish themselves homes. The twelve spies were sent to see exactly what was in the land and who they were up against.

To condense the account, out of the twelve men who observed the land, ten of them came back with negative reports. All they could talk about was how huge the people were and how they, the Israelites, would never be able to win a war with those giants and take their lands. The ten reported there were good fruits and farmlands, but in an, “oh, by the way” manner, still conceding there would be no way to oust the inhabitants to get the benefits.

The other two men, Joshua and Caleb, were optimistic. They brought back glowing reports of how awesome the land was—how sweet the fruits were and how rich the soil was for crops.  They concurred that there were giants living there, but because God had given the land to the Israelites, even promised it to them, they could easily remove these beastly people.

What a difference in perception from these two groups. The first focused on the “now,” the second on the “not yet.” The now’s view included huge challenges to overcome and overwhelmingly impossible obstacles to face, but the not yet perceived a successful future of peace and prosperity.

How do we perceive our circumstances? Do we notice only the negatives, the insurmountable odds against us, or do we look beyond those hindrances and see what could be? It’s true we have to live in the now on a daily basis, but let’s put our faith in God, like Joshua and Caleb did, and believe for something better—the not yet.

Filed Under: Christianity, faith, Rest Tagged With: , ,

Hard or Soft?

February 12, 2010 By 11 Comments

By Cyndi

How do we Christians come across to the world around us? What do our friends, family, and co-workers think about our Christianity? Do we display the attributes of Christ in our daily lives? I was challenged by these questions just the other day and wondered how I appear to the people I meet every day.

Last week I was having a conversation with a friend and afterwards I realized that I dominated the conversation. It was all about me. What pride! Oh, I asked about how she was doing but I wasn’t really listening. I was waiting to share some more things about me the minute she stopped talking. And then when I got caught in traffic driving to another part of town, I was extremely impatient and furious with all the incompetent drivers I was around. “If they could all just drive like me it would be so much better,” I thought. Yes, dear reader, sometimes my Christianity is quite hard and harsh. It’s not always a pretty sight.

So I picked up Andrew Murray’s Humility book and decided it was time to re-read it again. (I think this is one of those books you need to read at least once a year—at least I need to.) I found this particular line quite interesting:

In striving after the higher experiences of the Christian life, the believer is often in danger of aiming at and rejoicing in what one might call the human, the manly, virtues, such as boldness, joy, contempt of the world, zeal, self-sacrifice, while the deeper and gentler, the diviner and more heavenly graces, poverty of spirit, meekness, humility, lowliness, are scarcely thought of or valued (pg. 56).

So I can take the “onward Christian soldiers” approach, plowing through everything and everyone who gets in my way of living for God, or I can attempt to live by the “more heavenly graces,” as Murray says. If I were humble, I would carefully listen to my friend share about how she was doing—her challenges, her delights—so that I could pray for her or rejoice with her as Rom. 12:15 instructs me to do. If I were meek and lowly, I would not stress out in traffic, or get angry and judge the inapt drivers, but be patient and kind instead—-preferring others (Rom. 12:10).

I have repented for my rude behavior of the past and am trying to focus on the sensitive side of Christianity. Yes, I still think there is a place for the harder, stronger virtues of fasting, fearless preaching, and warring in the Spirit, but maybe our world needs to see more of the softer, gentler, loving and forgiving attributes of us Christians.

Filed Under: Christianity, Father's Love, humility Tagged With: , , ,

Meekness Is the Passkey

February 4, 2010 By 3 Comments

Closed Theological System

One of my main mentors was Jack Frost. When I first came to work with him I had a somewhat closed theological system. I had a set of fixed ideas about God and doctrine and I was not that open to anything that went outside my box. Jack was very different.

Teachable and Diligent

He was first of all teachable. There were certain key books God used in his life that he had read fifteen times or more. Not only was he open to new ideas, he understood what it took to really get a hold of them and incorporate them to where he lived on a daily basis. We give this kind of effort in school to learn new material. A given class might include lectures, a textbook, several other books to read, and a research paper. However, now that we are older, we seem to have the idea that we can read one book just one time and it will change our lives forever.

Willing to Try

The next thing I noticed about Jack was that he was not afraid to try. He would at times make adjustments to his teaching, not always having it perfect from the start, however, the important thing was that he was willing to consider new thoughts and open to try them.

A Personal Example                                                                                                                                                  

About a year ago I found myself really stuck in my walk with the Lord. I heard a minister I respected mention that God has taught the church many things about deliverance and generational sin and some of it actually works. That struck right at one of my theological boxes. Because of ways I have considered the deliverance movement “out of balance,” I had thrown the whole thing out. A short time later I had an opportunity to be ministered to by this same man, and he recommended some deliverance and generational sin stuff I could pray through. I was desperate enough to try it. Guess what? It worked, I found whole new areas of freedom in my life. In the type of prayer ministry that I do, these are still not the primary tools I use, but I have a whole lot more respect for them than I used to.

With a closed theological system there is little possibility for growth.  Meekness really is the passkey.

Filed Under: Christianity, Jack Frost Tagged With: , , , ,

Triangles

January 24, 2010 By Leave a Comment

By Robert

Understanding how triangles work puts a powerful growth tool in your hands. Anxieties are a part of life. Maybe my job status is insecure; perhaps that ache in my body is a serious health issue. What if the United States economy collapses and there are interruptions in the food supply? Nobody passes through life without facing anxious thoughts at times but what we do with those thoughts is what really matters.

Adam and Eve had an intimate relationship with God. As they dialogued about husbandry and naming the animals, they felt at ease with God and able to be vulnerable and transparent. Then the serpent came along and questioned God’s motives, “Hath God said?”

He did not discuss his own fears about who God was but instead he slandered and crossed mental and emotional boundaries. He sought to be controlling toward Eve’s thinking. Adam and Eve did not stand in the authority God had given them and they allowed their boundaries to be crossed, which led to sin. Now they experienced fear and felt they needed to hide from God. In place of intimacy they now had relational distance.

Adam, Eve, and the serpent formed a triangle. Rather than speaking honestly about how they felt and about their anxieties, they moved into blame. Triangles are a way to focus on other people’s motives rather than our own feelings when we are anxious.

“Triangles are our most common way of avoiding closeness and connection with others. They are the way people stabilize their relationships by externalizing their anxiety onto someone or something else.” (Richardson, p.29) When we can face and acknowledge our fears we have the opportunity to deal with them and move forward. Unfortunately, many stay stuck for years in their Christian lives. If you are ready to move forward we can help. Why not give us a call today?

Richardson, R. (2005). Becoming A Healthy Pastor. Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Fortress

Filed Under: Christianity, Counseling
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