A Right Focus

June 8, 2009 By 2 Comments

There is a lot of fear in the world today. What will happen to the economy? What will our futures look like? There is one thing we can focus on that will cause us to rise above all our fears. That is the kingdom of God.

 

2 Timothy 2:3, 4 You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.

 

1 Corinthians 3:14, 15 If anyone’s work which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire.

 

The US is perhaps one of the more difficult places in the world to be a Christian. When times are good it is difficult not to focus on the good life, the American dream. There is so much pressure from media, peers, and even some preaching, to save for a good retirement, to take nice vacations, to live in nice homes and drive nice cars. We want the best for our kids and try to get them on the right sports teams and into the right colleges. All these things are not necessarily bad as long as they do not replace the main thing.

 

If I lay up treasure in heaven, no one can take that away from me. If I seek to grow in spiritual authority, the government can take my house, even throw me in jail—yet I can lead the guy in the next cell to the Lord. Perhaps some of the fear we are experiencing in this time of economic crisis is rooted in too much focus on the temporal and not enough on the eternal.

1 John 2:15-17 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world — the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life — is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.

Filed Under: Agape Reformation, Christianity, faith, How to Change, Rest

Codependent Control

June 8, 2009 By 4 Comments

God has called all of us to walk in authority and dominion. The trap of the enemy is to get us focused on other people rather on the destiny God has for us. “Judy grew up in a household with a father who got drunk every weekend, and her whole family had been organized around trying to keep father on an even keel.” (Facing Shame) This really tends toward victim thinking and the idea that our destinies are tied up into the response of others.

I also grew up in an alcoholic home. We all felt we had to walk around on eggshells. What I did not see for a long time is that tiptoeing around is a form of control; it’s trying to control another person’s mood. The alcoholic is sometimes of the pathetic variety, but more often than not, he is abusive. He controls through fear, threat, and intimidation. When you grow up in an environment of fear, trying to keep an abuser happy, it is hard to be free of the idea that the world is a scary place and if you are not careful, someone will get mad at you.

Anybody I feel I have to be careful around is a person seeking to push me into a shame pattern. If we embrace walking on tiptoes, we have abdicated our authority and entered a cycle of shame-them trying to control us, and us trying to control them.  The person that tries to control others through moodiness or sharp comments or anger needs boundaries not appeasement. It is hard to come into the health and destiny God has for us when our focus is on another person instead of on God. I believe this is part of learning how to walk in our authority and walk free from the fear of man.

Filed Under: Christianity, Counseling, Father's Love, How to Change, Prayer Ministry

How to Receive from the Father

May 30, 2009 By 2 Comments

“Robert, you have a wrong theology of receiving.” As soon as I heard that, I sensed that there was something to it. It took me some time to unpack that. What errors might there be about my understanding of how I receive what I need in life? I discovered two main ways I needed to adjust my thinking-ways I thought like a victim. One had to do with who my source was and the other had to do with who was in control. Learning how to receive properly from the Father is a huge key to our future!

I have found it a slippery thing to have expectations toward man. I have realized that any time I am angry that someone did not meet my needs, or if I am resentful, feeling like things are unfair, I am looking to man instead of God. Whenever I seek to pressure or manipulate others, I am looking to man. James clearly says, “Every good gift is from above, and comes down from the Father” (Ja.1:17). Every gift, all of them, is from Father. God often uses human means as His conduit to bless us, but He is still our source.

I have been on a lifetime journey of learning to look only to God for my needs and to allow God to determine how He wants to meet them and in what order. At age 21, I felt a call to ministry and had already read about some of the great men of faith: Reese Howells, Smith Wigglesworth, Praying Hyde. I knew that was my path, to be a mighty revivalist. However, ministry did not happen right away for me and, as it did happen, it was nowhere even close to unfolding as I had imagined. I ended up pasturing a church of poor subsistence farmers and their families on the mission field. I felt it was far away from the tangible anointing Reese and Smith seemed to have had, and not even on the level of a respectable American church.

One day I had a thought: “These third-world people are every bit as precious to God as anyone, anywhere, in any church. I would just as soon be here as anywhere.” Something happened that day. I quit trying to tell God what He needed to do for me and acknowledged that He gives me all the things I need for life and godliness (2 Pet.1:3). I also quit trying to determine when He should give me what I need, acknowledging He has the master plan and He alone knows the timing.

I developed an incredible love for those people that continues to this day. Moreover, little did I know, it was preparing me to minister cross-culturally all around the world. God really did have a sequence for my life that was perfect. God has a dynamic plan for all of us. As long as we are disappointed in man for not meeting our need or we are disappointed in God for not giving us what we think He should or when we think He should, we will be hindered. Acknowledging He has given us everything we need and going to Him over and over to unpack things according to His plan and timing leads to a life full of adventure and fulfillment.

Filed Under: Agape Reformation, Christianity, Counseling, Father's Love, How to Change

Respect-Based Families Vs Shame-Bound Families

May 24, 2009 By 2 Comments

“Wow, a dirt bike track!” The year was 1978 and we had just moved to Sparks, Nevada. I had never seen a BMX track. I took off down the hills and around the curves enjoying the thrill. As I came around one curve, out of nowhere, a group of bicycles racing forced me off the track, causing me to crash over the side of the berm. I was so mad I started cursing those guys out. They came back and starting fighting me. I got beat up bad-swollen lip, black eye. It was a shaming experience and I felt rejected and alone. But worse than the fight was the idea of having to go home and face my dad. The pain I carried was not just from this isolated event, but from a whole system of family life that I lived in. Two key dynamics operate in family systems and effect how we mature: acceptance and vulnerability.

Acceptance versus Judgment

There is no acceptance in the shame system, rather everything is “weighed in the balance” and usually you are “found wanting”. Therefore, there is no flexibility and no room for error. You are either right or wrong. These families do not consider life events on their own merits; rather they judge the person as right or wrong. So secrecy becomes huge. I tried waiting a long time before going home that day. I wanted to see if the swelling would go down and maybe Dad would not notice. Facing my dad’s disappointment and anger only added to the sense of shame I already felt. I could not have put it into words back in those days, but something in me knew it was not okay to have lost a fight. It was not okay to have weakness of any kind; I was either right, or I was out. There was neither comfort nor help to overcome, only judgment and more shame.

Vulnerability

In a respect-based family, the pain would have been just as bad from the fight but I would not have feared going home. I would not have felt “on the outside” with my own family. I would have known Dad would have been on my side. I could have expressed my feelings of indignation to a listening ear that would not ‘weigh me in the balance’ but would have shown comfort and empathy. Merle Fossum says, “People in respect-based families talk openly with one another about their lives rather than manage their relationships with secrets. They are openly vulnerable and dependent or needy at times without judgment.”   

Intimacy with Man and God

In my struggle that day, intimacy and personal development could have grown. I could have learned that I will receive comfort in my weakness, that it is okay to fail, and okay not to be perfect. I could have grown in empathy and ability to live in community. Instead, my pain was denied and judged, which taught me to isolate and have unrealistic standards of perfectionism-only perfect people that can defeat a whole gang of kids are accepted.   

Shame does not just disappear on its own. If we cannot show vulnerability and weakness to people and still feel okay about ourselves, we will not have a capacity for that kind of intimacy with others or even God. This is why people put on masks and try to appear successful or hyper-spiritual. It has been prophesied for years that there will be an end-time people that know their God, walk in radical intimacy and do exploits (Daniel 11:32). I do not believe it will happen by accident. It will happen as we learn principles from the Bible and apply them.

Filed Under: Agape Reformation, Christianity, Counseling, Father's Love, How to Change, Prayer Ministry

From Shame to Acceptance

May 15, 2009 By 4 Comments

The Insidiousness of Shame

Understanding shame is a huge key to freedom. Shame is a force, meaning it does not just strike once, but can be a continuing factor in our lives with its delegitimizing effect. Shame can operate in many hidden ways to wreak its havoc in our lives. Gershen Kaufman says, “Shame can be the source of depression, alienation, self-doubt, isolation, loneliness, compulsive disorders, perfectionism, and a deep sense of inferiority, inadequacy and failure.” What is the power of shame and how can we be free of it?

A False Self

Shame attacks our identity and makes us feel defective.

“Once shame is transformed into an identity, it becomes toxic and dehumanizing… it is unbearable and always necessitates a cover-up, a false self. Since one feels his true self is defective and flawed, one needs a false self which is not defective and flawed,” John Bradshaw.

 We end up living for an image, for example, trying to appear successful in order to keep shame off our doorstep. Many try to “keep up with the Jones’” in hot pursuit of the American Dream. Some will try to appear spiritual, like the Pharisees, (that was me!). Most teenagers live their lives trying to be “cool”. It can even be an image of “poor me” by running to fear and rejection all the time, perpetually blaming others for problems so that they themselves never have to take responsibility. Living for these images is basic idolatry. However, preaching at someone to repent for his or her idol worship probably is not going to help him move to freedom.

Freedom from Addiction

Many say that overeating is all about controlling anxiety. Anxiety is actually the basis for most addictions. Here is how it works. My boundaries are crossed-people have related to me, or I have related to myself in a way that is demeaning rather than respectful. Demeaning shame can happen in three key ways: physically, emotionally, and mentally.

  • My physical boundaries are crossed, as in physical or sexual abuse.
  • I am violated emotionally, my feelings do not count.
  • Mental boundaries are not respected; my opinions and thoughts are not valued.

When our boundaries are crossed, we feel the pressure from shame to stay in control. We are trying to keep up the image so we can somehow feel okay about ourselves. The pressure comes in the form of fear and anxiety and fuels the need for relief in some form. The more pressure I feel to have to “keep it together,” the more often I need a release in the form of some type of compulsive behavior.

Acceptance is the Key

If we can identify these patterns in our lives and bring their sources to the cross, we can then find our acceptance solely in our Heavenly Father. This enables us to begin relating to others and ourselves in accepting and valuing ways.

If you identify with any of these issues of shame or addictions, and would like some help to find freedom, Fountains of Life ministries is available to serve you. Please feel free to call our office.

Filed Under: Christianity, Counseling, Father's Love, How to Change, Prayer Ministry

Harmony

May 9, 2009 By 1 Comment

Harmony

 By Cyndi

Psalm 133:1-”Behold how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!” 

                As a musician, when I think of unity, I think of harmony. One person alone cannot sing harmony; there has to at least be two people. By definition, harmony is any simultaneous combination of tones. Ever hear a barbershop quartet sing? What about the groups singing on American Idol? Surely you’ve heard a jazz or rock band? If you’ve listened to any music at all, unless it’s only Gregorian chants, you’ve heard harmony-more than one note being played or sung at the same time.

                This verse in the Psalms reminds me of my college days when I played in the orchestra. I was a percussionist, one of the musicians who stand behind everyone else and gets to hit things-fun things-like drums, chimes, cymbals, xylophones, timpani, and a multitude of miscellaneous sound effects. I loved playing in a large group of people because so many different instruments would work together to create such beautiful music. Each instrument would have its own unique part to play. The violins didn’t play what the trumpets did; neither did the oboes play the same notes as the cello. Some instruments didn’t play much at all, like the crash cymbals (we counted lots of rests), but it all came together in unity for a magnificent performance.

                I often think about God being like a conductor of this enormous orchestra. Before He comes onstage, the tuning note is sounded and everyone tunes up. There’s no set beat, no specific rhythm, just everyone checking their instruments to make sure they’re in tune to the same standard. Once tuned, the Conductor steps up on the platform, raises His baton, and the music starts. He keeps the wand steady in His right hand, with everyone following at exactly the same tempo watching Him diligently. Only He has the score to everyone’s part, so He knows when to cue an entrance or to close an exit for each person. He controls the volume and intensity of this entire group with His mere hands-such power!

                Are you getting the picture of how we, as Christians, are similar to this orchestra? We all are tuned to Jesus, our Standard-each of us on our own journey, guided by the Word of God. We’re following the lead of our Conductor, alert and attentive for His cues, letting Him draw the music out of us-sometimes to a loud crescendo, and other times to a soft, gentle passage. He is the Maestro, we are the musicians. What incredible music can be made-good and pleasant-when we dwell together in unity.

Filed Under: Christianity

How to be Free of Almost Anything

April 30, 2009 By 2 Comments

How to be Free of Almost Anything or Have You Got Shame?

Family Systems

Understanding shame is an absolutely huge key to freedom. In psychology, there is a concept called Family Systems. It is simply a consideration of a family’s patterns or “systems” of interaction with one another. For example, most of us would be familiar with the idea that in an alcoholic family everyone gets sick, not just the one drinking. But there are two core ways family members interact with one another: 1) on a foundation of respect, or 2) on a foundation of shame. The reality is that the majority of families have some mixture of both. What does this have to do with walking in freedom? Everything!  (Please see psychology footnote)

Respect vs. Shame

A respect base, in a nutshell, has to do with valuing one another’s opinions, rights, or personhood. Problems and conflicts do not result in attacking the other’s identity. Disagreements are talked out and resolution is found. A shame base mixes behavior and identity. It communicates insult-the person not only did wrong, but they are wrong! People communicate this in a thousand different ways. A key concept behind shame is that it treats a person as an object, disregarding their feelings, their personhood. Just as pornography treats a woman as an object, so relationship “cutoffs” (an expression of shame) treats any person as an object. Most families have some level of shaming interaction. Shame-based interaction supports and maintains all addictive and compulsive behavior, including drug, alcohol, and sex addiction, as well as struggles with overeating, overspending and even emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.

Intimacy

A relationship “cutoff” is when in any way my words or attitudes demean another, or any time I give someone the silent treatment. This communicates shame to the one receiving it. These little foxes are not so little. They do not just cut off general relationship, they cut off intimacy. The problem is that God created us for intimacy, and if we do not find it in legitimate ways, we will find it in illegitimate ways. This is why shame brings anxiety and loneliness, and drives us to fill that void with “something” (drugs, sex, food, money, control).

Learning to recognize shame does not solve all our problems but it does reveal to us where the problems lie. If we can see that we can see how to pray over it and get free.

Footnote

Psychology – “Psych” means soul and “ology” means the study of. Just as with biology or geology or any other science, things can be learned through observation and testing. This in no way implies that we can bypass the cross and blood of Jesus for any real help anyone can receive. However, the insights can be very useful in helping us understand how to apply the cross and the blood. Nowhere does the Bible claim to be an exhaustive study of man’s behavior. Just because the Bible does not explicitly spell out the concept of family systems does not mean we cannot glean some insight from the concept. The Bible also does not spell out the laws governing aerodynamics or the combustion engine either, but none of us contemplates ceasing to drive or fly. To hit a little closer to home, there is nowhere in the Bible where anyone ever prayed a sinner’s prayer.

Filed Under: Christianity, Counseling, Theophostic Tagged With:

Have You Been Dissed Lately?

April 26, 2009 By 1 Comment

By Cyndi

                Have you been “dissed” lately? You know-disappointed, disillusioned, discouraged, or disheartened? These days there are many reasons to be described by such large vocabulary words; but for me, on a personal level, I’ve gotten discouraged with my running.

                In March, I ran a great 15K race. I ran great, felt great, finished great, everything was great. I rested for a week, and then went back to running again. I knew better than to keep the same pace and level of running that I had been at, so I tried to ease back in slowly. But after just a few weeks, I hit this wall of pain. It seemed like my legs were sore all over. At night, they’d be hurting when I went to bed. In the morning, they were hurting when I woke up. All day, every muscle seemed to be in some sort of pain.

                I tried running through the achiness, thinking, once I got warmed up, the pain would go away. This worked for several runs, but finally the day came where I ran for only two miles and the agony was too much. My running form was suffering badly and I had to completely stop. I had been in anguish when I’d started, and I almost collapsed when I had finished. It was time to cease from running for a while and rest my body. How discouraging! I’d gotten bit by the running bug and almost felt addicted. (You runners understand, don’t you?) And now I had to stop. I was so disappointed.

                So the Lord brought me to the verses about the children of Israel going in to their promised land. When the Israelites left Egypt to go to the land God had promised them, they ran into one obstacle after another during their travels-the Red Sea, no water, multiple enemies in the land they would have to expel out, just to name a few. It was a long journey and scriptures record that “the soul of the people was much discouraged because of the way” (Numbers 21:4).

                This was how I felt about running. In some ways, we all can get discouraged or dismayed by things that happen in our lives. Jesus even warned us that this was a normal part of living. “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows,” He said (John 16:33); but later, in this same verse, He states that He has overcome the world, and all the disappointment it brings.  

                And not only has He prevailed over those “disses”, but He has made us winners and conquerors too. Paul wrote, “No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ” (Romans 8:37). Now we’re talking some encouragement here! No matter what obstacles I’m faced with-a job loss, a health problem, a financial crisis-God has promised to bring me to success. Sometimes that may mean I need to stop and rest for a while-to convalesce in His love and be strengthened-before I can “hit the pavement” again, but victory is attainable.   

                I know this is true because I started running again this week. I’m taking it slow and not very far, but at least I’m running. Over this last week I’ve gotten rested, rejuvenated, revived, and reinvigorated. It is so much better than being “dissed.”

Filed Under: Christianity, Rest

GPS–God’s Positioning System

April 18, 2009 By 2 Comments

By Cyndi  

              Last week, as Robert and I were returning from a minister’s fellowship meeting in Georgia, I looked up at our GPS and saw that it read, “East I-10 to I-95 North.” That got me thinking-wouldn’t it be nice if there was one of these systems for my life? I could punch the Where To button and put in a certain time period, like, age 20 till age 50, then it would calculate everything that was going to happen during that part of my life. Envisioning this, I could hear it say, “Take job on the right, go 4.8 years then turn into marriage.” Touching the Map tab it would continue-”In 3.2 years, have baby,” then, “After 5 more years, move to mission field, then move back after 4.6.”  Finding this humorous, if only to myself, I glanced at the screen again and imagined it speaking to me in a lovely computerized woman’s voice, “In 2.7 years, pay for son’s college.” Now that one wasn’t too funny.

                Wouldn’t this kind of a device be so cool? I could know what’s ahead in my life and be prepared for it. Pondering this ideal, I sensed the Lord saying to me, “But Cyndi, you do have a navigational system-the best. It’s My word. I have given you scriptures that reveal the course for your life.” Interesting, I thought-the Bible is God’s Positioning System. At once, a multitude of verses flooded my mind: Jeremiah 29:11-”‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope’”; Proverbs 3:6-”Seek His will in all you do and He will direct your paths”; John 13:17-”You know these things, now do them! That is the path of blessing.”

                These were just a few guidelines from the Bible that could be used to direct me, and there are many more. I believe that, since He made me, He knows the best route for me to follow in my life. Some people have said that the scriptures are God’s instruction manual for mankind. In today’s world lingo, I would say they are His GPS.  Isaiah 30:21 reads, “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it’.” Put those words into a computerized voice and it’s better than a Garmin.

Filed Under: Christianity

God’s Blueprints

April 12, 2009 By Leave a Comment

By Cyndi           

                  Are you happy with the way you are? Would you have designed yourself differently if you would have had the chance? Many people are obsessed with the way they look. The popularity of Botox, facial lifts, liposuction, and even colored contacts reveal the fact that some folks are not content to be just the way God made them. However, I believe there is a power in embracing exactly who God made us to be, and it is a huge detriment when we rebel in some way to how God designed us.  

                When I was young, I used to love to go in my father’s office and sit with him at his drawing board. It was a part of his workshop building behind the house where he could work on house plans. He took in side jobs for supplemental income, and, having been a drafter at one time, I think he still liked the creativeness of drawing things himself.

                These were the days before the CAD computers when architects and engineers had everything drawn by hand. I remember always asking him to explain what the all symbols in the templates meant. To me, it just looked like neat little shapes and squiggly lines to trace, but each design had a specific purpose. One part of the template had something that signified folding closet doors, another part meant sliding ones. Some symbols were to show where toilets or sinks were to be. On paper, there was a way to design a whole house with pictures. I found it fascinating! The entire building was planned, inside and out.

                After all the plans were drawn, blueprints were made of them. These were the copies that a builder would use to actually build the house. All the details and measurements were there, written on those blueprints.  Contractors cannot build anything without a blueprint-it’s the directions they follow.

                It’s amazing to think that God had blueprints of each one of us. He thought through exactly how he wanted us to be designed-what color eyes we would have, our hair, our height, whether we’d be big boned or small-even our gifting in being analytical, artsy, introverted, or extroverted. There were so many things to design! And He didn’t use the same template on any of us-we are each entirely different from one another. King David, in Psalm 139:14, said, “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made” When we embrace how God made us, we are in a position to prosper, to come into all God has for us-the very things we were designed to do. I think David had a revelation of God’s blueprint for him. Jesus told his followers, in Matthew 10:30, that “the very hairs on your head are all numbered.” God knew all the intricate details of us before He even created us.

                We were all uniquely made by a specific plan for a specific purpose. I can imagine God sitting at His drawing board thinking through each person with such precision and attention to every detail of their design.  When He made us, he said it was very good (Gen. 1:31).Truly, we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Filed Under: Christianity
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