Living Txt 2 Txt (The SMS Life)

April 7, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Cyndi

Texting is an interesting linguistic form (or SMSing to some of our international readers). It’s a whole new language in itself. So many things R abbreviated b/c the point is 2 type as little & as quik as posibl. That, of course, makes it EZ & fast 2 read & communicate w/o saying 2 much @ 1 time.

In this day and age, we want everything done in seconds; if not, it’s looked down upon negatively. A prime example is a television commercial where a guy comments about new information he just got and two other guys texting look at him and say, “That’s so 17 seconds ago” in a derogatory tone.

So society doesn’t offer us any help when it comes to dealing with our issues. It’s presumed we will just swipe our screen onto the next page in our life just like we do with all our other devices. Or maybe we will create a bookmark for it or put it on our reading list so we can get back to it later. Unfortunately, usually the next time we get back to it is when our spouse is leaving, our teenager is in trouble, or we lose our job. Actually that “page” of our life tends to show up more than we think or want, yet we choose not to look at it. We get triggered by something or someone and the pain, anger, disappointment (or whatever) rises to the surface. What do we do?

The usual response to triggers is the “fight” or “flight” defense mechanism like most of us have learned at some time. But do we ever take the time to really process what’s going on inside our heart? Are we fleeing or fighting? And why? Is it really the situation that’s at hand or is it the fact that it’s the same pain you felt when _______ (you fill in the blank). This is now processing. And there are ways to help facilitate this too. Journaling and prayer ministry are the tools we believe work the best. Some issues can be processed between you and the Lord with prayer and journaling, while others sometimes require another person to help you through.

The fact is we all have issues to deal with; none of us have arrived at perfection yet. Taking the time to wait before the Lord, or to go meet with a counselor is extremely valuable. Don’t be in a hurry. This is a life-time process. R U 2 impatient? R U 2 busy? Take some time and W8 on the Lord. C wats going on inside U. There’s a point where U hav 2 stop living txt 2 txt.

YIC (Yours in Christ) –C

Filed Under: Counseling, Rest, self awareness Tagged With: , ,

Healthy Grief for Maturity and Compassion

October 17, 2010 By Leave a Comment

“Dad was never there emotionally, he always seemed preoccupied. We didn’t do fun things together. He was so often intense, demanding, even critical. I wish we could have just hung out.”

When I begin working with a person in Prayer Ministry there are normally things that bother the person, ways they are triggered by others, ways life pushes their buttons. After awhile, when we get all those resolved, we come to an interesting place. The person is much more differentiated, and no longer easily triggered by the actions of other’s. However, passion for life is not necessarily restored.

Usually the last thing that comes up is grief and loss. Forgiveness has happened, lies have been displaced, yet, there is a loss. God made little boys and girls to need their fathers as available, engaged, safe, and fun. Releasing this loss is where deep connection is restored. The person is finally ready to move on to actively receive fathering from God and to live in community with others.

“Many have taken on our culture’s pain-denying view of grieving. Perhaps the most popular way in our culture of not paying attention to our losses and pain is by medicating ourselves through an addiction. People use work, TV, drugs, alcohol, shopping or food binges, busyness, sexual escapades, unhealthy relational attachments, even serving others at church incessantly – anything to medicate the pain of life.”

But grieving is part of our humanity, even as Jesus displayed it with the death of Lazarus. There are even many benefits from grieving. Here are a list of some from The Emotionally Healthy Church (p.168). Take some time to ponder these.

Benefits of Grieving:

  • We become compassionate as our Father in heaven is compassionate. Henri Nouwen rightly says grief is the way to compassion. There is no compassion without many tears… To become like the Father whose only authority is compassion, I have to shed countless tears and so prepare my heart to receive anyone, whatever their journey has been, and forgive them from the heart. Absorbing our own pain, we learn to forgive.
  • We have a greater concern for the poor, the widow, the orphan, the marginalized, and the wounded. We understand them.
  • We are less covetous, less idolatrous. We rarely say, “I’ve got to have this or I’ll die.” Life is stripped of its pretense and nonessentials. We are more apt to rid ourselves of the unimportant things in life others so desperately want – power, control, money, or approval.
  • We are liberated from having to impress others. We can follow God’s plan with a new freedom because we are not as motivated to please people.
  • We are able to live more comfortably with mystery when it comes to God and His plans. We are not afraid to say, “I don’t know,” when people ask us questions about God. We become much more flexible regarding God’s intentions for our lives.
  • We are characterized by a greater humility and vulnerability.
  • We place God at the center of our lives and begin rejecting superficial, trivial pursuits.
  • We experience an enhanced sense of living in the immediate present rather than postponing life until retirement. We easily now rearrange life’s priorities to be with our spouse (if  applicable) and friends.
  • We enjoy a new vivid appreciation of the basic facts of life – the changing seasons, the wind, the falling of the leaves, the last Christmas, people made in God’s image.
  • We have fewer fears and a greater willingness to take risks.
  • We are kinder. A love flows out of us that is not based on people’s intelligence, success, money, appearance, or expressions of love for us. People no longer feel evaluated, judged, or analyzed by us. They do not feel controlled.
  • We understand that what bonds us as followers of Jesus living in community is our brokenness.
  • We sense the reality of heaven in a new way, understanding more fully that we are only aliens and sojourners on earth.
  • We are finally at home with ourselves and with God.

Scazzero P. (2003). The Emotionally Healthy Church. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan.

Filed Under: Counseling Tagged With: , , , ,

How to Fulfill Your Calling

May 28, 2010 By 3 Comments

By Robert

Know your design

It takes time and effort to know ourselves, to discover what makes us tick. You could start by asking yourself, “What comes natural to me?” I know a lady who found it came easy to study and that others naturally felt safe around her. She dove in and researched every conceivable aspect of Prayer Ministry. People started coming and receiving help. She saw people with very deep trauma healed time after time, and she quickly became a leader in the field. The redemptive gifts are the best tool I know of to help discover your design. Is it natural for you to make friends and influence people? Is it more natural to lead people and organize things to reach a goal? Do you get fulfillment working behind the scenes to make things happen?

Gain a skill set

Knowing our design helps us zero in on developing a skill set. In the example above, the lady focused on studying Prayer Ministry. I know of another lady that focused on mobilizing seniors to be a support to ministries around the city. Maybe your focus might be relational evangelism and you could become excellent at it and can effectively impart it to others. Maybe your area is finances and you could offer your services to small business owners and non-profit leaders in the Body of Christ. An accountant or doctor might realize they are particularly good at something, and could work hard to develop that niche.

Serving well brings Favor and Support

Once we have a skill set, we can become life-giving with it by serving others. As we serve well, people will begin talking about it. We will get word-of-mouth, free advertising! As that grows, others will come along and get under us and support our efforts because they see it really helps people.

Get Started!

It is often a mystery to people as to how they can fulfill the unique thing God has called them to do. In reality, there are practical steps. God wants us all to walk in what He has designed us all to be. Nothing is more fulfilling than walking in what you were made to do.

We offer coaching to help in this area. If you would like more information, please contact us.

Filed Under: calling, Christianity, Counseling, purpose Tagged With: , , , ,

Commando System Cleaner

May 22, 2010 By 5 Comments

By Robert

Many Christians live years shut down, with their “Operating System” running slow. Computer programs like Spybot – Search & Destroy, Advanced System Optimizer, and PC Pitstop, claim to stop unwanted programs from running in the background, clean your system registry, and even remove viruses, making your computer run much faster!

We can also have unwanted programs running in the background, replaying thoughts of how someone has mistreated us or how life just isn’t working out. This often occurs because of errors (lies) in our “system registry” that tell us God isn’t for us, or there is something wrong with us. These lies can give legal ground for an enemy “virus” to come in and exacerbate the problem.

There have been times where my “system” was running so slow I was practically shut down. It was hard to pray, read the word, or even to concentrate at work. I found myself wanting to eat more and just watch TV all the time. I finally went to a Prayer Minister where I discovered a number of past places I had hidden anger. I didn’t even realize it. Ithought I had dealt with all the anger in my life.

There is something so cleansing, renewing, and restoring of child-like innocence when we get all the “bugs” out of our system, clean out the pipes, and connect again to God. It is really wonderful to have communication channels opened and functioning again!

Filed Under: Counseling, Prayer Ministry Tagged With: , ,

Connection, Identity, and Support

May 1, 2010 By 1 Comment

By Robert

Joe felt so disconnected, always on the outside, at work and school and church. As he was growing up his dad had never been around. There had never really been a man in his life to call forth his identity. Julie felt an almost continual low-level anxiety—constantly afraid things might fall apart. She had a sense of impending doom, a fear of financial disaster, or some grave illness or family crisis. It was so hard to believe God would be available to her.

Eph 3:14-15 (AMP) For this reason I bow my knees before the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, For Whom every family in heaven and on earth is named [that Father from Whom all fatherhood takes its title and derives its name].

Fathering, mothering, and family are all God’s idea and God’s design. Every little boy and little girl needs to know dad and mom love them, and be secure in that love. Children need a sense of connection and identity. They need to know they are supported in all the life skills they must acquire to grow up.

When these foundational elements are missing (connection, identity, and support), wounding often takes place. God’s plan is for a divine exchange to happen, where Christians shift from the family model their parents gave them, to connecting directly with God’s love. We should feel like sons in His family rather than orphans. Most all wounding is based right here in these three elements. Think about it. Any fears I have—anxieties over finances, health, family, destiny—are all rooted in a difficulty believing God will be there for me. It is orphan living.

All healing needs to be based in these three things as well. Finding a connection to God’s love, and having our identity in that rather than performance or independence, is what brings about healing. There is a safe place in His love for both emotional and physical needs.  Just forgiving those who hurt us or trying to get rid of pain should not be the goal. Having intimacy with God, learning to live a connected, Fathered life, daily walking in His love and in sonship, is what He wants for all of us.

Filed Under: Boundaries, Christianity, Counseling, Father's Love, sonship Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Coloring Outside the Lines

April 18, 2010 By 1 Comment

By Cyndi

Crossing boundaries is like coloring outside the lines in a coloring book. The lines are what make the picture—they define it, express it, they reveal what it is supposed to look like. They help us learn to improve our coloring skills by giving us a framework to function within. Children scribble-scrabble with their crayons. Coloring books help them learn small motor skills, to control hand movements and train them to do what they desire. As youngsters mature, instead of haphazard strokes on a page, mindful and purposeful marks and colors are chosen to create a picture in the way they wish to express it.

Boundaries have a purpose in our lives; they define our picture, who we are. My boundaries, like the coloring book page, are a picture of what I will or will not do.  When someone tries to get me to do something I don’t want to, and they begin to push me, they have crossed my boundary. As I see it, they colored outside the line—my line. This might take the form of a spouse using the silent treatment, or someone using anger to manipulate or control me into doing something I have already said no to. If I am talking with someone and indicate I need to go, and they continue to draw me into conversation, they are coloring across my line.

Many times those who do not respect boundaries and scribble-scrabble over others are struggling with insecurity and fears of being rejected. They are still learning the “small motor skills” of self-control. Part of growing in our spiritual walk is understanding how to honor one another’s rights, choices, and feelings rather than randomly coloring all over the page. We also need the maturity to set loving boundaries with others in a way that still values them. By doing this, it helps us all mature and learn to color within the lines, freely expressing ourselves, yet respecting everyone else’s picture.

Filed Under: Boundaries, Christianity, Counseling Tagged With: , , ,

Power of Personhood

April 3, 2010 By 2 Comments

By Robert

The church is coming to understand clearer that our spiritual maturity cannot surpass our emotional maturity. Teaching on overcoming wounding most often focuses on the problem. It is implied that if we can just overcome this particular problem, all will be well. So what does it take to reach emotional maturity? What does it even look like?Understanding personhood gives us a roadmap of the steps.

The Free Dictionary defines personhood as “the state or condition of being a person, especially having those qualities that confer distinct individuality.”

Personhood means you are comfortable in your own skin. It means living in a sense of legitimacy and dignity. When parents are nurturing, when they create a safe emotional environment, and when boundaries are respected, a person grows and develops a strong sense of personhood.

The problem is that all of us have control issues at some level. It may be overt or passive—using anger and manipulative words, or using withdrawal and relationship cut-offs. Control, by definition, is demeaning towards another and does not respect boundaries. When someone feels free to think what they think, feel what they feel, and to make their own choices and face the consequences therein, they grow and mature. When mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual boundaries are crossed, shame is communicated and personhood is diminished.

Filed Under: Counseling, Personhood, Shame Tagged With: ,

From Shame to Dignity

February 17, 2010 By 2 Comments
It’s all about shame
Shame – there’s something wrong with me. If we had no shame we would be confident to live intentionally without striving.
When I do Prayer Ministry with a client there is a key shift that happens. We work through some painful event where the person was very hurt. As we get to the other side there is a comment in one form or another that says, “It wasn’t about me, the other person was really wounded. I see now Father loves me. I feel compassion for the other.”
A shift from “it’s about me” to “the other is really hurt”. This is a shift from shame to dignity.

Filed Under: Counseling Tagged With: ,

Triangles

January 24, 2010 By Leave a Comment

By Robert

Understanding how triangles work puts a powerful growth tool in your hands. Anxieties are a part of life. Maybe my job status is insecure; perhaps that ache in my body is a serious health issue. What if the United States economy collapses and there are interruptions in the food supply? Nobody passes through life without facing anxious thoughts at times but what we do with those thoughts is what really matters.

Adam and Eve had an intimate relationship with God. As they dialogued about husbandry and naming the animals, they felt at ease with God and able to be vulnerable and transparent. Then the serpent came along and questioned God’s motives, “Hath God said?”

He did not discuss his own fears about who God was but instead he slandered and crossed mental and emotional boundaries. He sought to be controlling toward Eve’s thinking. Adam and Eve did not stand in the authority God had given them and they allowed their boundaries to be crossed, which led to sin. Now they experienced fear and felt they needed to hide from God. In place of intimacy they now had relational distance.

Adam, Eve, and the serpent formed a triangle. Rather than speaking honestly about how they felt and about their anxieties, they moved into blame. Triangles are a way to focus on other people’s motives rather than our own feelings when we are anxious.

“Triangles are our most common way of avoiding closeness and connection with others. They are the way people stabilize their relationships by externalizing their anxiety onto someone or something else.” (Richardson, p.29) When we can face and acknowledge our fears we have the opportunity to deal with them and move forward. Unfortunately, many stay stuck for years in their Christian lives. If you are ready to move forward we can help. Why not give us a call today?

Richardson, R. (2005). Becoming A Healthy Pastor. Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Fortress

Filed Under: Christianity, Counseling

The Power to Take Initiative

January 10, 2010 By 6 Comments

By Robert

What would your life be like if you never procrastinated? What could you accomplish if you had the ability to step out and try anything you wanted with no fear of failure? There are reasons people get stuck in ruts. Most of us have gone down the “try harder” route so many times we have lost hope. However, it is possible to find the motivation to pursue your dreams. The following quote illustrates this well:

“A manager loses his cool and berates an employee in front of the rest of the team. He thinks his tirade was good for productivity because the rant ‘scared people straight,’ but their fear soon settles into caution. To perform at their best, the team members need to take risks, stretch themselves beyond their comfort zone, and even make some mistakes along the way. No one on the team wants to be the manager’s next target, so the team members play it safe and do only as they are told. When the manager gets docked a year later for leading a team that fails to take initiative, he wonders what’s wrong with the team” (Bradberry, Greaves, p.66 Emotional Intelligence 2.0).

Taking initiative involves risk. The only way a person can do this is if they feel safe. Often it is our parents that teach us we live in either a safe or unsafe environment. We learn early if we are free to take initiative even though we might fail.

Fear of failure is rooted here, in the family. In shame-based family rule systems, you are never to be out of control and never to be vulnerable. Somebody might get hurt. The answer to being more intentional in your life is not in trying harder. It is in dealing with the roots in your family system that creates the problem.

If this article is speaking to you, call us today for a phone appointment. We see people get free from these kinds of issues every day. (904.270.9472)

Filed Under: Counseling, Prayer Ministry Tagged With: ,
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