Paths to Dwell In

By Cyndi

The other night I was helping my son study for a vocabulary test, and I have to admit, there were some words on the list that I didn’t know. But one which I did know was idiosyncrasy. What a great word. Isn’t it fun just to say it? It has a unique feel about it. I feel different just for saying it. The definition of it, according to dictionary.com, is “a characteristic, habit, mannerism, or the like, that is peculiar to an individual.” Hmm…I know a verse that mentions the word “peculiar,” 1 Peter 2:9—“But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people…”

It is so interesting to see how diversified we all are. Each one of us has certain quirks and tell-tale signs that identify us. We have different likes and dislikes. We have our own marked style of how we talk, how we walk, how we dress, and how we eat. For example, take eating Oreo cookies. You will find multiple modes of what some say are the “right” way to do this. I know within my family there are at least three “best” procedures to eat them, and they all must include milk. However, the fact is, there is no right or wrong method, just your own.

One of my idiosyncrasies is how I put my shoes and socks on always left foot first. The order has to be left sock, left shoe, right sock, right shoe. I do not know why I do this, but I do. Just like I have always put my left earring on first before my right, and wear my watch on my right wrist instead of my left. I have some peculiar habits that make me who I am and not someone else.

God delights in our individuality. He created us in His image (Gen. 1:26), yet has given each one of us our own characteristics, distinguishing us one from another. We all develop unique habits and mannerisms that pertain solely to us, making us peculiar people. We are supposed to be diverse. Revel and enjoy your idiosyncrasies. You are special.

The other day Robert and I were going to go grab a bite to eat for lunch. He suggested a sandwich shop or a pizza place, but I was in the mood for Chinese food. After a brief discussion, we ended up getting Chinese take-out. I knew what I had wanted so I stated it clearly, but not demandingly. As we drove away, the Lord reminded me of some changes that have taken place in my life over the last few years.

There was a point in time where I could hardly make a decision on my own. If you would have asked me what I wanted to do, without thinking I would have replied, “I don’t care, whatever you want.” If you would have asked me where I wanted to go out for dinner, I would have replied, “I don’t care, wherever you want.” If you would have asked me what movie I wanted to see, I would again have replied, “I don’t care, whatever one you would like.” It wasn’t that I really didn’t care, though I thought so at the time, it was that I didn’t know what I truly felt. I didn’t take the time to think and ask myself those questions—I thought my point of view had no value.

My emotions had been pushed so far down in order to please others and “follow the rules,” that I had stopped considering what my own feelings were or what opinions I might have.  This happened because I allowed my emotional boundaries to be crossed—I had allowed others to tell me what I should think and feel.

Boundaries are where one thing stops and another thing begins.  Think about borders of countries or even a fence, for example—one area is separated from another.  In people, there can be physical, mental and emotional boundaries that define who we are, and who we are not. Whenever these lines are crossed without permission, it takes away from my personhood, blurring the point of what makes me, me and you, you.

If I agree with everybody and everything, changing my beliefs, opinions, and morals to morph with whomever I am with, then I am not defined. I become like a child, as Paul states in Ephesians 4:14, who is “tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine.”

Others can influence me to the point where I really don’t know what I believe, nor why. My own personhood doesn’t get developed. I stop making decisions based on what I think or want because I’m more concerned with what others think or want. Eventually, for me, this led to believing that they really do know what’s best and that my views or impressions didn’t have any value or worth.  I didn’t set an emotional boundary that said, “You have a right to your likes and dislikes, and I have a right to mine.”

At times I still struggle to set boundaries with others, but knowing Father God sees me as a unique individual with value, and Who made me different from others for a reason, has given me great strength and courage to define myself.  My decision making has gotten better too. Now, if I say, “I don’t care, whatever you want,” then it’s because I already thought about it, and I truly don’t have a preference. Although Chinese food is one of my favorites.

By Cyndi

How do we Christians come across to the world around us? What do our friends, family, and co-workers think about our Christianity? Do we display the attributes of Christ in our daily lives? I was challenged by these questions just the other day and wondered how I appear to the people I meet every day.

Last week I was having a conversation with a friend and afterwards I realized that I dominated the conversation. It was all about me. What pride! Oh, I asked about how she was doing but I wasn’t really listening. I was waiting to share some more things about me the minute she stopped talking. And then when I got caught in traffic driving to another part of town, I was extremely impatient and furious with all the incompetent drivers I was around. “If they could all just drive like me it would be so much better,” I thought. Yes, dear reader, sometimes my Christianity is quite hard and harsh. It’s not always a pretty sight.

So I picked up Andrew Murray’s Humility book and decided it was time to re-read it again. (I think this is one of those books you need to read at least once a year—at least I need to.) I found this particular line quite interesting:

In striving after the higher experiences of the Christian life, the believer is often in danger of aiming at and rejoicing in what one might call the human, the manly, virtues, such as boldness, joy, contempt of the world, zeal, self-sacrifice, while the deeper and gentler, the diviner and more heavenly graces, poverty of spirit, meekness, humility, lowliness, are scarcely thought of or valued (pg. 56).

So I can take the “onward Christian soldiers” approach, plowing through everything and everyone who gets in my way of living for God, or I can attempt to live by the “more heavenly graces,” as Murray says. If I were humble, I would carefully listen to my friend share about how she was doing—her challenges, her delights—so that I could pray for her or rejoice with her as Rom. 12:15 instructs me to do. If I were meek and lowly, I would not stress out in traffic, or get angry and judge the inapt drivers, but be patient and kind instead—-preferring others (Rom. 12:10).

I have repented for my rude behavior of the past and am trying to focus on the sensitive side of Christianity. Yes, I still think there is a place for the harder, stronger virtues of fasting, fearless preaching, and warring in the Spirit, but maybe our world needs to see more of the softer, gentler, loving and forgiving attributes of us Christians.

By Robert

Dominion or Domination

I know of a martial arts instructor who has clearly mastered his art. Not too many could mess with this guy. He can also impart his knowledge to others in a life-giving way. He does not lord his knowledge over others, nor is he on an ego trip. He does not get threatened or feel inferior if a student does not learn quickly enough. He teaches, he imparts, he empowers.

Many of us remember the antagonist instructor in the movie the Karate Kid. He clearly was on an ego trip. It was not about the kids, it was about him. He was dominating, demeaning, and cruel.

These two styles of authority play out in many ways from business managers, educators, coaches, to even pastors and missionaries. I have met many missionaries who were on the field for all the wrong reasons. They were belittling toward the people group they worked with and arrogant toward other missionaries who “did not know as much as they did.”

Dominion through identity

Wounded people seek authority in order to dominate others. Basic emotional wholeness and a solid identity enable an individual to move into dominion that is life-giving to those under him. Healthy dominion is rooted in our identity and not in our authority. Our identity comes primarily from the way we were fathered.

Basic Trust

The way a father responds to his children builds identity in them. When the father has been diligent in establishing the child’s identity there is a freedom, wholeness, and willingness to risk.

 Judgment by Love

For me judgment cannot be understood without starting with the concept that God is love. He is love; He does not act outside of what is loving. He is not insecure with a bruised ego pouring out wrath on the earth. He desires that all would be saved, everyone. We know that obviously all will not be saved, but understanding the posture of God’s heart is key. He is in no way threatened by man’s sin or rebellion; we do not have that power over Him.

Is God Angry?

In response to the Father’s love, many ask about God’s anger. I believe He gets angry. I believe He gets angry at the way sin hurts people but not for the above stated reasons.  

Boundaries

From that basis, consider a very loving parent with a rebellious son, or a loving husband with a wandering spouse. God Himself uses language like this in the scripture. Healthy discipline uses boundaries rather than punishment—not rescuing the person, but allowing the wayward one to reap the consequences of their actions. There is a way to discipline without devaluing the person.

The Coming Perfect Storm, John Paul Jackson

John Paul Jackson in “The Coming Perfect Storm” says it well: “Crisis is the fruit of following the wrong god. God allows (allows is clearly different from pours out) calamities to happen in order to draw us to Himself. God allows us to reap the fruit of that which we serve. Walking in God’s ways brings blessings and fruitfulness of life, while walking in the ways of the god of this world will bring the fruit of the god of this world: decay, destruction, deterioration, and death. Throughout scripture, when crisis hit the people of God, they turned their hearts to Him and He heard and took action on their behalf. (Jer.29:12, 13). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3MnvN0IE0s

God is not out to punish us, we merely reap what we’ve sown. He disciplines us like sons (Heb.12:7,8), demonstrating His great love and value for us the whole time.

By Cyndi

When I was a little girl, I used to love to go out back into my father’s workshop. It was a separate building behind our house where he had a big table saw, a long place to work on and tools hanging on nails all along the walls. Sheets of plywood of all different sizes from various projects were leaning on one side of the room, and a cabinet with multiple boxes of nails, screws, washers and other things was mounted on the far corner.  Underneath the table my dad kept a bucket of scrap wood just for me.  I could use anything in it to pound nails into or create and build whatever I wanted. Sawdust was everywhere so I got a bit dusty at times, but I liked the smell of it.

I loved hanging out with my father “out back,” as we would say, because he was always working on something and I just liked being around him. It was fun. We built all kinds of things, everything from shelves for the hall closet to a deck around our above-ground pool. My job was usually the holder, you know, the one who holds the end of the board while it’s being sawed so it doesn’t break off and fall.  But for me it wasn’t so much about working on a project necessarily, it was about spending time together.

He would explain how all the different tools were used for different reasons, how sometimes it’s better to use screws instead of nails, how particle board is different from masonite, how sometimes you use fine sandpaper instead of rough, all that kind of stuff. One of my favorite things was using his chisel set to chisel out my name or some design in a piece of wood. He would show me how to gently tap it to make smaller dents or to use a thick one and hit it hard if I was taking a whole section out. It was a time of impartation, of communion. It was a time of sharing.

I often picture myself with Father God “out back” in a workshop. It’s not so much about what we’re working on—I have plenty of things in my life to work on, for sure—but it’s about having communion with Him. Sometimes I just read one or two scriptures and let Him explain it to me, like my dad did with the tools. Sometimes I pull thoughts or dreams from my “scrap bucket” and want to just create—thinking, talking, singing, joking—no real agenda. But that’s it—no real agenda. Simply fellowship. Much is imparted to me simply by being in His presence. We’re spending time together, and there are even moments when I think I smell sawdust.

Father does all in Love

1 John 4:8 …God is love. Love is who God is, His very essence. Therefore, God basis everything He does is in love. God never thinks a negative or critical thought about you. He thinks good thoughts toward you, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jer.29:11)

Father is Not Insecure!

Think of your Father in heaven all loving, all knowing, all powerful. What could ever cause Him to feel threatened or insecure? Being critical and negative are defense mechanisms people use when they have been hurt and do not want to be hurt again. God is not sitting in heaven thinking that you just do not ever get it right or will not ever be obedient, so He is fed up with you and ready to abandon you.

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

Father’s Plans toward You are Loving

Father is in heaven thinking how much He loves you, and in His omnipotence and omniscience is planning to bring you into the very best He has for you, what will fit you perfectly for the way He created you. His plan for you really is above all you could ask or even imagine. (Eph.3:20)

When God thinks of you as His child, it sends a thrill through His heart and He rejoices over you with joy and singing! (Zephaniah 3:17)

Is this the God you know?

Father’s Love is Freeing

“If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. (Author unknown)

No one has ever walked this out in a greater way than God. Jesus gives us a great example of Father’s love setting us free in the story of the prodigal (Luke 15). Deut.21:20, 21 says that this rebellious son should have been stoned, and yet Jesus shares how the father in this story actually accommodates his request for his inheritance.

Some people may have heard of the Invisible Fence for dogs. It is an electrical wire buried just under the grass on the perimeters of your yard. The dog then has a sensor on his collar that gives him a shock if he crosses the wire. Now when we get saved, we are committing our lives to the Lordship of Christ. At that prayer, He could have put some kind of shock system on the inside of us so that whenever we would go to spread a little gossip, tell a lie, or even cheat on our diet, we would get a shock. The Body of Christ, I believe, would very quickly become obedient! But it would only be an outward conformity. God is after our hearts. He wants us to choose to obey Him out of love, not duty. He has gone to incredible lengths to have a people who would do this in a radical way!