Only Love Matures

November 4, 2010 By 1 Comment

Empowerment for Maturity

Understanding how maturity occurs is a very powerful tool in our hands for freedom. So many Christians get stuck “working harder” and end up battling condemnation. 1 John 4:18 says that “perfect (mature) love casts out fear.” When love is mature in us, it frees us of fear. All fear is based in some form of not believing we are loved.

Shame – Fear – Control Stronghold

There is a concept called the shame-fear-control stronghold by Chester and Betsy Kylstra. When someone is controlling (whether through overt anger or passive withdrawal) and relationship is cutoff, it is driven by fear. Fear, in turn, is driven by shame. Shame is based in lies we believe about ourselves. These lies are worded as such:  “I’m flawed,” “I’m helpless,” “I’m bad,” “I’m dirty,” and so forth. Prayer Ministry is the tool that can change this.

Love Not Law

It is love that addresses both fear and shame. So in a very real sense, all sin and shortcoming is about a love deficit. There is a lacking, a shortage, or deficiency of love. Something in my heart is struggling to believe that God is good and loving and has the very best in mind for me. Therefore, trying harder, sacrificing, and living “white-knuckle” Christianity does not mature us anymore than shaking an empty piggy bank more violently will produce any coins. Romans 7 says that the law is what stirs up the sinful passions of the flesh, not what restrains it. Knowing we are loved at a deep heart level sets us free from fears and the need to control. It empowers us to rest and to respond to the “unrest” of others with maturity and compassion. Fear will be “cast out” and love will take its place.

Filed Under: Father's Love, Prayer Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Father Loves You

October 22, 2010 By 1 Comment

By Robert

Jack & Trisha Frost of Shiloh Place Ministries laid such a foundation of the Father’s love in my life. As you read today’s post, see if you heart can embrace God’s passion for you.

God is not ashamed to be called your Father. He delights to be a Father to you and to have you as His child. He is passionate in His love toward you. You are the apple of His eye. He rejoices over you with joy and with singing. He is thrilled to be your Father and to have you as His child. You are the child in whom He loves and in whom He is well pleased, just like Jesus.

He’s not ashamed of you, put out by you, nor disappointed in you. You are not a burden to Him. He loves you. His banner or standard over you is love. His total heart response toward you is love. He never thinks a negative thought about you. His thoughts toward you are good and loving, to give you hope and a future.

All things are opened to His eyes. There is nothing you’ve ever done that He didn’t already know about before He created the heavens and the earth. Your failings and short comings do not challenge or threaten Him in any way. He is all powerful and all knowing. He is fully able to finish the work He began in you. His total heart response toward you is love. He is love!

Filed Under: Father's Love Tagged With: , , , , ,

Brushstrokes

October 8, 2010 By 5 Comments

By Cyndi
Not long ago Robert and I got an opportunity to visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art where there were some of the most famous paintings from all of history by Rembrandt, Picasso, Gauguin and so many others. It was amazing to stand and look upon these works of art that were so beautifully and meticulously crafted, such masterpieces. Even more incredible to me was getting closer to these paintings and looking at the intricate tiny details that were put into them.

Up close you can see the individual brushstrokes where the artist would sometimes use a shade of yellow to reflect light, or other darker blends to create shadows. The minuscule details of coat buttons, shoe buckles, and textures of hair were extraordinary. I stood in awe at how a beautiful masterpiece was made up of thousands of small brushstrokes.

As God usually does, He brought the natural realm into the spiritual for me. He reminded me that I am made up of thousands of little brushstrokes too–experiences in my life. Some of these brushstrokes are tragedies—losses, missed opportunities, failures, broken relationships; while others are more positive—celebrations, anniversaries, successes and accomplishments.

The Master Artist paints my life:  there’s a splotch on the canvas as I graduated high school, a line drawn when I failed accounting, a burst of color when my son was born. Hues and shades and textures are added—one-inch brushes, thickening my thoughts and carving out my destiny through college, work, marriage, traveling. There are even occasions where it feels like He is blotting and blurring with a cloth or sponge, leaving me confused and seeking for deeper relationships and knowledge; yet He continues to paint, ever conscious of the final portrait.

Many times I can only see the brushstrokes in my life–little things that don’t seem to be connected or have any significant meaning on their own. But Father God is faithful to help me step back and look at the whole painting. The individual strokes and textures disappear into one big magnificent masterpiece–me. Greater than any Van Gogh, Monet, or Matisse, I am God’s work of art. Each specific stroke is used by Him to create who I am. And He is proud of it. He even puts His signature at the bottom: Isa.43:1–“I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.”

Filed Under: Encouragement, Father's Love Tagged With: ,

In Training

September 10, 2010 By 1 Comment

By Cyndi

Well, it’s training time again. Yes, for all you runners out there, I’ve begun training for my second marathon, which will be in February. I had such a thrill doing it last time, I’m going to go for it again. (It’s the National Marathon to Finish Breast Cancer, so it’s a good cause.) I still consider myself a novice at this, so it takes many weeks for me to prepare my body for running 26.2 miles. And not just physically, but mentally also. There’s so many things to overcome in training—right now, the heat and humidity of Florida is a major one, but stretching, cross-training, nutrition, hydration–all these things are a part of preparing to run a marathon.

If you think of the Christian walk as being like a marathon, there is strength-training involved in that too. Oh, we had our conversion and have begun our conditioning, but there are times when it gets a little hard and fatigue starts setting in. Just as in the natural realm we have to train our physical body to run for miles, I believe in the spiritual realm we have to strengthen our spirits also to endure the “miles” we will cover in our lifetime. We need spiritual cross-training, we need “good food” to feed our spirit with, Living Water to drink from, and “hills” to challenge us and make us stronger.

Our spirits need building up. In Eph. 3:16, Paul prays that we would be “strengthened with might by His Spirit in our inner man,” our spirit. Vs.17— that we would be “rooted and grounded in love,” able to fulfill our destinies and walk out our Christian walk successfully, receiving love and giving it away to everyone around us. Our spirits are in training. And just like training for a marathon, this is a process, it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and effort–a willingness to suffer the heat, the exhaustion, the work required; but when you do run the race, there is such joy and excitement and confidence that you are ready and prepared.

I ran across this quote, (no pun intended), from an unknown author in Runner’s World:
Spirit has fifty times the strength and staying power of brawn and muscle.

This is in reference to the natural realm—now think of this in the spiritual realm.

Let’s run!

Filed Under: Christianity, Encouragement, Father's Love, Running Tagged With: , , , , ,

Milk and Cookies

July 30, 2010 By 1 Comment

By Cyndi

As my friend and I were having lunch the other day, our conversation began to turn towards all the negativity in the world today and how it would be nice to see more positive things going on.                                                                                                      

This reminded me of something Jack Frost said one time in a meeting. He talked about how most of us older folks (over 40) can remember someone in our childhood years who gave out “milk and cookies.” By milk and cookies, he meant those positive affirmations. Maybe our parents were always fighting or never home, but there was the neighbor’s mom who always let us come over and play making us feel welcomed; there was a grandfather who encouraged us when we struck out over and over again playing baseball; there was the aunt who took the time to teach us to bake, showing patience as we cracked eggs onto the floor and made mistakes as we learned. There was someone, somewhere who loved us and showed us kindness and affection even when we felt like we had failed.

Unfortunately, that is not necessarily the case today. Many young people have no one who expresses love to them in a healthy, Godly way, so all they know is rejection and abandonment. So what is my response? How can I give out some “milk and cookies” today?

I could let my son bring all his friends over after a soccer game and have a cookout. I could have patience and try to help the teenage driver trying to parallel park next to me. I could even volunteer to work with the scouts, a youth group, or a local Boys and Girls Club. Maybe it would just be a smile, a touch on the shoulder, a wink, or a thumbs up to someone–but something to express to them how much Father thinks the world of them and loves them unconditionally.

We are His hands on this earth and we can choose to look for the positives or look for the negatives. Anyone up for milk and cookies?

Filed Under: Encouragement, Father's Love, Jack Frost, Love, purpose Tagged With: , , , ,

The Drawing of the Lord

July 17, 2010 By 4 Comments

By Cyndi

The other day I was reading through John 4 about Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well, and I saw such an intricate plan of God revealed in their conversations. First I noticed how Jesus gently engages with her, asking for a drink, and how He entices her with a riddle to prick her mind–”Sir, you have nothing to draw with…where do you get that living water?” He draws her in closer, explaining how wonderful this water is and how there is hope and life in it. She leans into His words.

But then He mentions the issue about her husband, or rather, husbands, and she goes into all kinds of diversions, hoping to avoid the true issue in her heart. She is living in denial, trying to ignore the giant love deficit in her life. It is extremely painful for her to look into her heart and really see what is there, yet Jesus’ mercy and kindness is so pure, she ventures in. He slowly exposes her, all the while tenderly showing His love, even in the midst of the ugliness–but truth–of her past. His compassion finally gets to the core of her being as she uncaringly leaves her water jar at the well and runs back into town.

In this story, the Lord draws this Samaritan woman to Himself and she feels true, unconditional love probably for the first time in her life. Her sins were uncovered, yet she felt a blanket of love around her. This great love gave her the courage to unmask herself to the point that she even tells others about Him, and how He can make them also feel such freedom.

This is such a wonderful example of how the Lord draws us. There are many times when I sense the Lord probing me. Sometimes I am in denial about issues in my life and I’m trying to avoid dealing with them. I don’t like feeling the pain so I stuff them into a corner of my heart with a “Do Not Disturb” sign over them daring anyone to bring up the matter.

But God is faithful to gently draw me to Himself, even as He did this woman. He unveils and exposes me, not to ridicule and shame me, but to cleanse me and heal me.

May we all be attentive to His drawing this week.

Filed Under: emotional responsibility, Emotions, Father's Love, self awareness Tagged With: , , ,

Two Levels of Obedience

June 18, 2010 By 2 Comments

By Robert

Why do I speak kindly with my wife and show her patience? Is it just because it is the right thing to do? Maybe it’s because I don’t want to look like someone who is curt or angry. Maybe I fear God will be angry with me if I don’t. These types of responses all represent one level of obedience, actually a level where many of us live.

Empathy is higher.

A second level is a place where love compels us, not fear. We could say that this is “really” living. When we live and obey at this level, we have moved from a semi-depersonalized existence into agape. But to do this requires a developed personhood where I have value for my own thoughts and feelings first. I need to be in a place of feeling comfortable in my own skin, embracing and rejoicing in who God has made me to be—where issues of shame that have made me feel like an object have been resolved, and I’m walking in the dignity of being God’s child, fearfully and wonderfully made. It is then that I can express that to others.

Empathy: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.

Filed Under: Boundaries, Father's Love, Personhood, Shame Tagged With: , , , ,

Living Connected

June 11, 2010 By 5 Comments

By Robert

“I’ve always felt my dad did not have time for me. He was aloof, never there emotionally. I have even had anger toward God for putting me in the family He did.”

These are common statements I hear in prayer ministry most every day. God made little boys and girls to “feel” loved by their fathers and mothers, but sometimes they don’t. When a person can get honest about these feelings they have often carried for many years, amazing things happen.

When there is anger, people forgive as the reasons for holding the anger are resolved. However, something much deeper than that occurs. In most cases, the person feels like something was wrong with them to begin with and that’s why dad would not spend time, show affection, or even worse, be abusive. When a person can get to the place of seeing and acknowledging the shame they’ve carried, God speaks His love and washes the shame away. Here the miracle happens.

At this point the person feels compassion toward their dads (or moms). They see it wasn’t about them after all, dad had his own issues. However, better than that, the person now can receive at a heart level, the love God has for them. They move from mental assent to living connected with God’s love and it changes them.

If we could see this sweep the Body of Christ, moving her away from shame, fear, and control issues to a love that is welcoming toward all, the world would become a different place. Servant leadership, inclusive love, and a leaving behind of all the legitimacy crutches people use, would make it safe for the prodigals to come home and all manner of pre-Christians to come into the family of God.

Filed Under: Father's Love, Prayer Ministry Tagged With: , ,

Marry Me or Go to Hell

May 16, 2010 By 6 Comments

What a statement! Could you imagine this as a marriage proposal? Picture a beautiful candlelight dinner on a balcony, the woman’s face silhouetted by the setting sun on the horizon, her long hair flowing in the gentle breeze. The man fidgets in his pocket and brings forth a small black velvet box, opens it up to reveal an elegant diamond ring, then looks into the soft eyes of his beloved and says, “Marry me, or go to hell.”

How about this scenario: You and a friend are meeting for lunch. You’ve been thinking about sharing the gospel with him for quite some time. The two of you are sitting at the local sub shop, patrons are noisily chatting at nearby tables, and the smell of deli meats and cheeses permeate the air.  You fidget with the words in your mind, nervously take a tract out of your pocket, place it on the table next to the half-eaten pickle on his plate and say, “Accept Jesus, or you will go to hell.”

No one has ever threatened me to do something wonderful. If we were going to Disney World, my parents didn’t have to force me to get into the car. Usually the threat of punishment was used to manipulate me to endure an unpleasant experience, not a good one. So why should we threaten people with hell if what we’re offering them is so great?

What if the gospel was presented more as a surrender to love, rather than a fear of hell? How can we ever grow in intimacy—between us and the Lord, or any other person—if the beginning of our relationship is based in fear?

Filed Under: Christianity, Father's Love Tagged With: , ,

Connection, Identity, and Support

May 1, 2010 By 1 Comment

By Robert

Joe felt so disconnected, always on the outside, at work and school and church. As he was growing up his dad had never been around. There had never really been a man in his life to call forth his identity. Julie felt an almost continual low-level anxiety—constantly afraid things might fall apart. She had a sense of impending doom, a fear of financial disaster, or some grave illness or family crisis. It was so hard to believe God would be available to her.

Eph 3:14-15 (AMP) For this reason I bow my knees before the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, For Whom every family in heaven and on earth is named [that Father from Whom all fatherhood takes its title and derives its name].

Fathering, mothering, and family are all God’s idea and God’s design. Every little boy and little girl needs to know dad and mom love them, and be secure in that love. Children need a sense of connection and identity. They need to know they are supported in all the life skills they must acquire to grow up.

When these foundational elements are missing (connection, identity, and support), wounding often takes place. God’s plan is for a divine exchange to happen, where Christians shift from the family model their parents gave them, to connecting directly with God’s love. We should feel like sons in His family rather than orphans. Most all wounding is based right here in these three elements. Think about it. Any fears I have—anxieties over finances, health, family, destiny—are all rooted in a difficulty believing God will be there for me. It is orphan living.

All healing needs to be based in these three things as well. Finding a connection to God’s love, and having our identity in that rather than performance or independence, is what brings about healing. There is a safe place in His love for both emotional and physical needs.  Just forgiving those who hurt us or trying to get rid of pain should not be the goal. Having intimacy with God, learning to live a connected, Fathered life, daily walking in His love and in sonship, is what He wants for all of us.

Filed Under: Boundaries, Christianity, Counseling, Father's Love, sonship Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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