The other day Robert and I were going to go grab a bite to eat for lunch. He suggested a sandwich shop or a pizza place, but I was in the mood for Chinese food. After a brief discussion, we ended up getting Chinese take-out. I knew what I had wanted so I stated it clearly, but not demandingly. As we drove away, the Lord reminded me of some changes that have taken place in my life over the last few years.

There was a point in time where I could hardly make a decision on my own. If you would have asked me what I wanted to do, without thinking I would have replied, “I don’t care, whatever you want.” If you would have asked me where I wanted to go out for dinner, I would have replied, “I don’t care, wherever you want.” If you would have asked me what movie I wanted to see, I would again have replied, “I don’t care, whatever one you would like.” It wasn’t that I really didn’t care, though I thought so at the time, it was that I didn’t know what I truly felt. I didn’t take the time to think and ask myself those questions—I thought my point of view had no value.

My emotions had been pushed so far down in order to please others and “follow the rules,” that I had stopped considering what my own feelings were or what opinions I might have.  This happened because I allowed my emotional boundaries to be crossed—I had allowed others to tell me what I should think and feel.

Boundaries are where one thing stops and another thing begins.  Think about borders of countries or even a fence, for example—one area is separated from another.  In people, there can be physical, mental and emotional boundaries that define who we are, and who we are not. Whenever these lines are crossed without permission, it takes away from my personhood, blurring the point of what makes me, me and you, you.

If I agree with everybody and everything, changing my beliefs, opinions, and morals to morph with whomever I am with, then I am not defined. I become like a child, as Paul states in Ephesians 4:14, who is “tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine.”

Others can influence me to the point where I really don’t know what I believe, nor why. My own personhood doesn’t get developed. I stop making decisions based on what I think or want because I’m more concerned with what others think or want. Eventually, for me, this led to believing that they really do know what’s best and that my views or impressions didn’t have any value or worth.  I didn’t set an emotional boundary that said, “You have a right to your likes and dislikes, and I have a right to mine.”

At times I still struggle to set boundaries with others, but knowing Father God sees me as a unique individual with value, and Who made me different from others for a reason, has given me great strength and courage to define myself.  My decision making has gotten better too. Now, if I say, “I don’t care, whatever you want,” then it’s because I already thought about it, and I truly don’t have a preference. Although Chinese food is one of my favorites.