Processing the Process

March 29, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Cyndi

Having an argument with your spouse is never fun. Dealing with the challenges in a teenager aren’t always fun either. Being alone  and by yourself all the time has its downsides too. What’s the link between these three? Each one of these circumstances have the potential to bring up issues in our life, and by issues, I’m referring to problems or questions.

But what most of us cannot always see, is that dealing with issues can be a good thing – not always a pleasant occasion, but at least productive. We first have to understand that having an issue is not an issue. Got it? What I mean is that no one is perfect and has it all together. We all have issues. It’s okay! Life isn’t a one-time event. It’s a journey – a process. And learning to process the process is the means by which we move forward.

The process of processing is actually somewhat easy – well, at least to begin with. It’s simply understanding and accepting that we are in process. Each one of us are on a path that God has us on. That path may be created more by our hands than His, but He is still God. He knows what’s going on and is not shaken by any wrong avenue we may have taken. We, on the other hand, sometimes need to step over to the side of the road, stop for a moment and take a look at our journey. Where are we going and where have we been?

As traveling teachers, Robert and I have been to many nations. Theoretically I can say I’ve been to Japan, but I’ve really only been in the Tokyo and Narita airports. I’ve never experienced the country itself. This is similar to living on a path and never taking the time to experience life. We’re just traveling through, going from point A to point B. This is not processing. It’s like going from airport to airport in country after country and saying we’ve visited all these places, but we haven’t. We have to get out of the airport! There’s more to life than a beginning and an end.

Life is a process. Dictionary.com defines process as “a continuous action, operation, or series of changes taking place in a definite manner.” It is definite that there will be changes in life, there will be stages in life, and there will be challenges in life. These are all part of the process. So when changes happen and issues come up, process them. When questionable feelings come up, process them. Accept that your life is a process and you are in process; then you have begun processing the process.

Filed Under: emotional responsibility, Emotions, How to Change, life skills Tagged With: , , ,

Overcoming Lifelong Roadblocks

February 2, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Robert

Has your car ever been stuck in the mud? You give it gas again and again, putting it in forward and reverse. You get muddy as you try putting a rock under the tire. Nothing works. You feel powerless. Many people have an area of their lives like this. I know some people who have struggled with anxiety most of their lives, myself included. Others have never been able to rightly relate to a controlling mother-in-law. Some have battled anger and feel as if they never can get forward movement toward their dreams. Not giving up is a theme many movies have used to tug on deep heart strings; however, a key component to being able to not give up is to never stop learning.

Have you ever savored the work of a good carpenter? The intricate woodwork, the smooth fit and finish in a dark cherry; it’s exquisite. How does he do it? Skill and know how are clearly a big part, but also the knowledge of the right tool at the right time is huge. At our webinar this week we will discuss tools for removing blockages to being fully in the light so as to find growth in our issues. We will also explore techniques for more critically defining the fruit and root of our roadblocks which leads to more effectively overcoming them.

It is easy to feel discouraged over the things we’ve struggled with for years. There’s not only a sense of hopelessness but many times a feeling of loss. Nevertheless, these roadblocks actually can become our very stepping stones into our destinies as we are equipped with authority in the area of what we have overcome, and  have compassion for others who are stuck in a similar way.

In our upcoming webinar we will unpack some intricate tools for detailed carpenter work in finding freedom. These are tools Robert uses in the toughest cases of prayer ministry he encounters. We will also have some interactive exercises to increase our “know how” with these tools.

Come and join us this Thursday.

Foundations of Freedom Webinar, Thursday February 9,
7-8pm Eastern Time
Cost is $10. Registration required.
904-270-9472
info@fountainsoflife.org

CLICK HERE to watch video of this blog

Filed Under: destiny, Healings, How to Change, life skills, Prayer Ministry, Skill Sets, Spiritual Maturity Tagged With: , , , ,

Drama Avoidance

January 27, 2012 By 1 Comment

By Robert

A woman walks into her husband’s office and he immediately complains that she’s late. She sharply replies that she had to drop the kids off at school. Angered by this, the husband states that she should have planned better so as not to be late.

There was a major 20-year study of marriages where they looked at what skills that successful marriages have that unsuccessful marriages do not. The study unanimously found one skill predominant over every other. That skill was the ability to believe the best of one another even in an argument and not automatically assume that one partner had bad motives or that somebody was wrong.

Most arguments are usually over a difference of opinion, a difference in priority, or a difference in value. So when a couple can hear each others’ heart and keep the conversation safe where each person can say what they’re feeling and what their priority is, a way forward can be found. However, even if we know this skill, many times it breaks down. Especially if we get triggered.

If we get triggered, the chances are not so good that we’ll be able to hear one another’s hearts, so what we often do instead is create drama. Cutting remarks, the silent treatment, some type of drama to avoid feeling something we don’t really want to feel.

A real tool we can use if we notice that the skill is breaking down is to simply ask ourselves the question, “What am I not wanting to feel here? What feeling am I trying to avoid through this drama I’m creating?”  In the case of the example we used at the beginning, it was a feeling of insecurity that the husband was trying to avoid, hence the angry tone and drama he was creating.

Let’s look at this scenario again in a different light:
A woman walks into her husband’s office and he immediately complains that she’s late. She sharply replies that she had to drop the kids off at school. He then tells of his concern as it got later and later, and how he felt insecure and that maybe she didn’t care what was important to him. With this, she calmly replies that she was rushing to get there, but one of the kids had left a book at home so she had to go back to get it, causing her to be late. Upon hearing this explanation, the husband defuses and apologizes for jumping to conclusions and creating drama.

Filed Under: emotional responsibility, Emotions, How to Change, life skills, self awareness, Skill Sets Tagged With: , ,

Coming to the Light

January 20, 2012 By 1 Comment

By Robert

Have you ever hidden things about yourself? Maybe ways you’ve felt jealous of someone or threatened by someone? Ways you’ve struggled with a habitual sin? Maybe it’s walking around with an angry edge but never really addressing it. This can often lead to feelings of condemnation, hopelessness, struggles with loneliness, or anxieties. One night at a restaurant I observed another couple who didn’t talk or look at each other the entire meal. The husband just sat there reading a book as they ate. There was no intimacy between them. Clearly they had some issues in their hearts that had not come to the light.

Hiding things about ourselves hinders fellowship and keeps us from feeling clean on the inside.

So often we try to handle things on our own, putting up a strong front, but this is independence. Independence is the opposite of fellowship. Independence is what blocks our true heartfelt connection with God and man. What is the key to effectively deal with this? It starts with understanding how to come to the light.

We come to the light when we risk trusting someone enough to open up to them. Exposing our interior secrets and struggles to another person shines a light into the dark corners of our hearts.

Is there someone who really knows you? Someone who knows you well enough to see your patterns? One to whom you trust enough to put the walls down and allow to speak into your life?

1 John 5:7 says, “If we walk in the light… we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin.”

There are two primary things here. One, light brings us to experience true, effective fellowship wherein we feel connected and no longer lonely. And two, light is where the blood cleanses us, where it becomes effective, where our heart can truly receive forgiveness, and we feel clean.

If you’ve been in emotional pain, feeling cut off, struggling with anger or fear, take a step. Find someone you trust and begin coming to the light.

Filed Under: Emotional Health, How to Change, life skills, Spiritual Maturity Tagged With: , , , ,

Theophostic: How to Be Free

August 2, 2009 By 2 Comments

Prayer ministry, when used properly, is the most incredible tool I know of for people to find freedom.

So what exactly is Prayer Ministry? Quite simply, it is prayer. It is honestly looking at and facing the pain in our life, then asking God to speak to it. We, as prayer ministers, do not seek to give advice, diagnose, provide insight, or give direction.

So often, Christian counselors inadvertently move people toward victim thinking in seeking to solve their problems for them, or even get a word of the Lord for them. Of course, people are happy for you to solve their problems for them if you let them, but this brings little lasting fruit and may lead to ego on the part of the minister. Any form of ministry that places me, the minister, as a person’s “source” is moving toward dangerous ground. People are really quite capable of hearing from the Lord themselves with a little support.

Prayer ministry should encourage people to discovery. A prayer minister should not take on the responsibility at any level to resolve a person’s problems, issues or pain in life, but should encourage people to own their own emotional pain, take responsibility for their own thinking, not blame other people or circumstances for their emotional reactions and move forward toward God’s resolution.

When people are willing to take ownership, I see them get free every time. When a person chooses to face their pain, God always shows up.

Filed Under: Counseling, How to Change, Prayer Ministry, Theophostic Tagged With:

Empathy

July 22, 2009 By 1 Comment

1 Tim 4:2-speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron.

The subject of conscience and empathy is quite fascinating. On the far bad end of the scale you have the sociopath, who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience. Their chief characteristic is a lack of empathy because they cannot feel another’s pain. From this far end is a broad middle, where most of us have a conscience functioning at some level. What is fascinating is the role our conscience can play in keeping us from sin and moving us toward intimacy with the Lord when functioning well at the good end. John Sanford describes this well:

“There are two kinds of conscience. There is an active conscience which causes remorse after the sin. It operates by the law. It seldom if ever works powerfully enough before the event to prevent it. It reminds us that we have failed the Lord and ourselves, but seldom if ever makes us aware of our brother’s hurt. It makes us aware only that we failed to be what we set out to be. It seldom moves us to real repentance. Repentance happens when we are hurt for the sake of the Lord and others. Remorse remains self-centered and is seen in terms of our own failure to perform.”

Then there is a healthy conscience that leads to real repentance which “is a result of the gift of love. If I love someone, and my spirit is awake and alert, it checks me before I do a potentially harmful deed. Love constrains me because I cannot stand to hurt the one I love.” (P.122, Healing the Wounded Spirit, Sanford)

Filed Under: Counseling, Father's Love, How to Change, John Sanford, Prayer Ministry

Theophostic Brings Maintenance Free Victory

July 11, 2009 By 7 Comments

It has become ever clearer to me that there is a reason for everything. Every fear I battle, that shameful or hurtful event that plays repeatedly in my mind or I avoid like the plague, the compulsive behaviors I struggle with, even of anger I cannot seem to let go. There is a root somewhere; something I have not forgiven, some lie I have believed contrary to God’s word. Many times as I begin a ministry session with someone, I hear statements like:

“I don’t think about negative things, I confess good things.” “I’m a new creature in Christ Jesus, old things are passed away.”

Is this walking in victory - no matter how many times the negative thoughts come I am able to cast them down? Is it a matter of building my willpower to the point of never resorting to depression or anger or giving in to ice cream?

How can I know if I have overcome in a particular area? What is the fruit of true healing?

There is a concept of maintenance free victory, a victory wherein we do not have to use constant willpower. This is a place of not having to rebuke the devil constantly, nor of casting down thoughts and imaginations continuously. We are free. If a negative thought does arise we can easily cast it aside and that is the end of it, there is no continual battle. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous describes this well:

“And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality – safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky, nor are we afraid. That is our experience.” p.84

What many people call healing is actually denial.

We hide from our strongholds with defense mechanisms, fearing to give up the only control we know to try to feel safe and get our needs met.

The huge trap of the enemy is to either keep us in denial or get us to face things in our own strength, which leads to failure, frustration, and giving up. The secret to freedom is to discover the lie that hinders us from trusting God. Then it is easy – we will not need denial anymore. We can have victory without white knuckle Christianity!

Filed Under: Agape Reformation, Counseling, Elijah House, Father's Love, How to Change, Jack Frost, Prayer Ministry, Theophostic Tagged With:

What Hinders?

July 5, 2009 By 3 Comments

Joey lived in my neighborhood and we rode the school bus together each day. He was not a particularly shy kid yet he was continually picked on. One day, as we got off the bus several kids were spitting on him and laughing. I could not be that mean and actually felt sorry for him, but I did not want to get involved. So I said and did nothing.

I never forgot that event. How must it feel to be picked on like that throughout your childhood? I can only imagine the feelings of shame and rejection Joey felt. Even the boys who committed the cruelty had to have experienced some shame and hardness of heart. These things do not typically just go away. They can create pockets of un-forgiveness that we are only slightly aware of many years later and yet they affect us. Events like this can also move us to embrace lies like we are inadequate or helpless.

Many of us have received treatment like this, have given it, or at least witnessed it. I ministered to one man whose mother had left and was being raised by his father. One time he overheard his dad on the phone say, “I hope one day I’ll have a son, because this one I have is good for nothing.”

Sometimes when we think of past events like this we have that slight cringing feeling or a tight fist in our chest. That might indicate it is unresolved. God can bring us to the place where we can think about any past event with total peace, compassion for the ones who were hurtful and even a sense of God’s presence in place of the cringing because He has brought healing. Here are some steps to consider.

Three requirements for healing:

1)   You must hurt enough that you have no choice but to change.

2)   You must learn enough that you have hope for change.

3)   You must receive enough unconditional love that you are motivated towards change.

Filed Under: Counseling, Father's Love, How to Change, Jack Frost, Theophostic Tagged With:

Do the Legal Work

June 28, 2009 By Leave a Comment

“No one respects me; people are always trying to take advantage of me.” This person battled negative thinking and bouts of depression. The immediate answer was obvious: “hold your boundaries with people”. Yet, if it were that easy, she would not have been coming for ministry. She was reaping from seeds of judgment she had sown; there was legal ground for the enemy to operate that kept things in a flux. Think of a computer that gets too many programs constantly running in the background, and a few viruses. It starts to run slow and crashes often. There are internal conflicts.

When the Bible talks about the consequences of not forgiving, it is real, a principle as real as that of gravity. We cannot have peace, joy, or rest when we are walking around with unresolved issues, violating the law of judgment. This lady struggled with depression. Depression always involves negative thinking; it has to do with too many internal conflicts. Having depression or being Bi-Polar certainly can include a chemical imbalance, but to make medication the only answer is woefully inadequate. Negative thinking comes from judgments we have made and lies we have believed about our self worth.

The woman I was ministering to had a lot of conflict in relation to her mother and even wished when she was younger her parents would have divorced. Her mother was controlling and often crossed her boundaries. The principle of fruit and root says that there is a reason for everything. Once we discovered why she was holding on to the anger, she was able to let it go. Suddenly God’s love flooded her heart with compassion and she started saying, “I love you Mom! I love you Mom!”  By doing the legal work, she suddenly had an understanding of the brokenness her mom had been living with. Not only did she feel compassion, joy, and peace, the negative thoughts and feelings of depression left as well.

Feelings of depression do not always clear up this easily; sometimes it takes a number of sessions to clean up all the “viruses” that may be slowing us down. However, when we are faithful to do the legal work, we always find freedom.

Filed Under: Counseling, Father's Love, How to Change, Jack Frost, Prayer Ministry, Theophostic Tagged With:

A Right Focus

June 8, 2009 By 2 Comments

There is a lot of fear in the world today. What will happen to the economy? What will our futures look like? There is one thing we can focus on that will cause us to rise above all our fears. That is the kingdom of God.

 

2 Timothy 2:3, 4 You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.

 

1 Corinthians 3:14, 15 If anyone’s work which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire.

 

The US is perhaps one of the more difficult places in the world to be a Christian. When times are good it is difficult not to focus on the good life, the American dream. There is so much pressure from media, peers, and even some preaching, to save for a good retirement, to take nice vacations, to live in nice homes and drive nice cars. We want the best for our kids and try to get them on the right sports teams and into the right colleges. All these things are not necessarily bad as long as they do not replace the main thing.

 

If I lay up treasure in heaven, no one can take that away from me. If I seek to grow in spiritual authority, the government can take my house, even throw me in jail—yet I can lead the guy in the next cell to the Lord. Perhaps some of the fear we are experiencing in this time of economic crisis is rooted in too much focus on the temporal and not enough on the eternal.

1 John 2:15-17 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world — the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life — is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.

Filed Under: Agape Reformation, Christianity, faith, How to Change, Rest
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