As my friend and I were having lunch the other day, our conversation began to turn towards all the negativity in the world today and how it would be nice to see more positive things going on.                                                                                                      

This reminded me of something Jack Frost said one time in a meeting. He talked about how most of us older folks (over 40) can remember someone in our childhood years who gave out “milk and cookies.” By milk and cookies, he meant those positive affirmations. Maybe our parents were always fighting or never home, but there was the neighbor’s mom who always let us come over and play making us feel welcomed; there was a grandfather who encouraged us when we struck out over and over again playing baseball; there was the aunt who took the time to teach us to bake, showing patience as we cracked eggs onto the floor and made mistakes as we learned. There was someone, somewhere who loved us and showed us kindness and affection even when we felt like we had failed.

Unfortunately, that is not necessarily the case today. Many young people have no one who expresses love to them in a healthy, Godly way, so all they know is rejection and abandonment. So what is my response? How can I give out some “milk and cookies” today?

I could let my son bring all his friends over after a soccer game and have a cookout. I could have patience and try to help the teenage driver trying to parallel park next to me. I could even volunteer to work with the scouts, a youth group, or a local Boys and Girls Club. Maybe it would just be a smile, a touch on the shoulder, a wink, or a thumbs up to someone–but something to express to them how much Father thinks the world of them and loves them unconditionally.

We are His hands on this earth and we can choose to look for the positives or look for the negatives. Anyone up for milk and cookies?

One of my main mentors was Jack Frost. When I first came to work with him I had a somewhat closed theological system. I had a set of fixed ideas about God and doctrine and I was not that open to anything that went outside my box. Jack was very different.

Teachable and Diligent

He was first of all teachable. There were certain key books God used in his life that he had read fifteen times or more. Not only was he open to new ideas, he understood what it took to really get a hold of them and incorporate them to where he lived on a daily basis. We give this kind of effort in school to learn new material. A given class might include lectures, a textbook, several other books to read, and a research paper. However, now that we are older, we seem to have the idea that we can read one book just one time and it will change our lives forever.

Willing to Try

The next thing I noticed about Jack was that he was not afraid to try. He would at times make adjustments to his teaching, not always having it perfect from the start, however, the important thing was that he was willing to consider new thoughts and open to try them.

A Personal Example                                                                                                                                                  

About a year ago I found myself really stuck in my walk with the Lord. I heard a minister I respected mention that God has taught the church many things about deliverance and generational sin and some of it actually works. That struck right at one of my theological boxes. Because of ways I have considered the deliverance movement “out of balance,” I had thrown the whole thing out. A short time later I had an opportunity to be ministered to by this same man, and he recommended some deliverance and generational sin stuff I could pray through. I was desperate enough to try it. Guess what? It worked, I found whole new areas of freedom in my life. In the type of prayer ministry that I do, these are still not the primary tools I use, but I have a whole lot more respect for them than I used to.

With a closed theological system there is little possibility for growth.  Meekness really is the passkey.

“I don’t think about negative things, I confess good things.” “I’m a new creature in Christ Jesus, old things are passed away.”

Is this walking in victory - no matter how many times the negative thoughts come I am able to cast them down? Is it a matter of building my willpower to the point of never resorting to depression or anger or giving in to ice cream?

How can I know if I have overcome in a particular area? What is the fruit of true healing?

There is a concept of maintenance free victory, a victory wherein we do not have to use constant willpower. This is a place of not having to rebuke the devil constantly, nor of casting down thoughts and imaginations continuously. We are free. If a negative thought does arise we can easily cast it aside and that is the end of it, there is no continual battle. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous describes this well:

“And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality – safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky, nor are we afraid. That is our experience.” p.84

What many people call healing is actually denial.

We hide from our strongholds with defense mechanisms, fearing to give up the only control we know to try to feel safe and get our needs met.

The huge trap of the enemy is to either keep us in denial or get us to face things in our own strength, which leads to failure, frustration, and giving up. The secret to freedom is to discover the lie that hinders us from trusting God. Then it is easy – we will not need denial anymore. We can have victory without white knuckle Christianity!

I never forgot that event. How must it feel to be picked on like that throughout your childhood? I can only imagine the feelings of shame and rejection Joey felt. Even the boys who committed the cruelty had to have experienced some shame and hardness of heart. These things do not typically just go away. They can create pockets of un-forgiveness that we are only slightly aware of many years later and yet they affect us. Events like this can also move us to embrace lies like we are inadequate or helpless.

Many of us have received treatment like this, have given it, or at least witnessed it. I ministered to one man whose mother had left and was being raised by his father. One time he overheard his dad on the phone say, “I hope one day I’ll have a son, because this one I have is good for nothing.”

Sometimes when we think of past events like this we have that slight cringing feeling or a tight fist in our chest. That might indicate it is unresolved. God can bring us to the place where we can think about any past event with total peace, compassion for the ones who were hurtful and even a sense of God’s presence in place of the cringing because He has brought healing. Here are some steps to consider.

Three requirements for healing:

1)   You must hurt enough that you have no choice but to change.

2)   You must learn enough that you have hope for change.

3)   You must receive enough unconditional love that you are motivated towards change.

When the Bible talks about the consequences of not forgiving, it is real, a principle as real as that of gravity. We cannot have peace, joy, or rest when we are walking around with unresolved issues, violating the law of judgment. This lady struggled with depression. Depression always involves negative thinking; it has to do with too many internal conflicts. Having depression or being Bi-Polar certainly can include a chemical imbalance, but to make medication the only answer is woefully inadequate. Negative thinking comes from judgments we have made and lies we have believed about our self worth.

The woman I was ministering to had a lot of conflict in relation to her mother and even wished when she was younger her parents would have divorced. Her mother was controlling and often crossed her boundaries. The principle of fruit and root says that there is a reason for everything. Once we discovered why she was holding on to the anger, she was able to let it go. Suddenly God’s love flooded her heart with compassion and she started saying, “I love you Mom! I love you Mom!”  By doing the legal work, she suddenly had an understanding of the brokenness her mom had been living with. Not only did she feel compassion, joy, and peace, the negative thoughts and feelings of depression left as well.

Feelings of depression do not always clear up this easily; sometimes it takes a number of sessions to clean up all the “viruses” that may be slowing us down. However, when we are faithful to do the legal work, we always find freedom.

Richard Jones

Recently the press has made allegations that Pavarotti’s marriage was on the rocks prior to his demise. They also assert that his widow is locked in a legal battle with his daughters over the tenor’s assets. It seems that Hulk Hogan’s 23-year marriage to Linda Hogan is also in ruins, with some suggesting a divorce of convenience to protect assets from litigation. How about Anna Nicole Smith and her marriage to the billionaire J. Howard Marshall, 63 years her senior, and the grieving widow’s ensuing legal battle with his son over J. Howard’s fortune? Isn’t it amazing what extremes we will go to secure assets and gain inheritance? We might not be brooding or arguing over millions or billions, but the heart reflects the man and at its core inheritance is a heart issue.

Similar attitudes and their consequences surface in Christians circles every week; this church splitting, that leader leaving, people seeking position and power, the discontent going from church to church or ministry to ministry demanding attention and recognition, people burnt out slaving in Christian service, angry people demanding or tired people slaving for their ever elusive inheritance. The problem is that in Father’s house if you try to take your inheritance before its time then you will ultimately lose it, and if you try to earn it then the harder you try the farther it will seem from your grasp. The late Jack Frost would point to the many ministries inciting us to claim our inheritance now, and then ask his listeners to show him someone who had received it and was living in it.

The problem is that the majority of the human race is living as spiritual orphans, not just outside the church but also many of us within. Orphans do not have any inheritance coming to them so they have to go out and fight for and grab all that they can get for themselves. In Luke 15 we find two sons living as orphans, one opts to take all that is coming to him and to spend it on himself, while the other is slaving in the field trying to earn what he regarded as his birthright. The father’s response to the latter was: “My son…everything I have is yours” (Luke 15:29,31) – even when everything was already his, the inheritance eluded him because his motivation mirrored that of his younger sibling. Both sons had orphan hearts.

Of late, Father has gently shown me the brokenness of my own orphan heart. I realize that I have fought for position, power and for status, that I have longed for others to acknowledge me and recognize my ministry. That I have served out of a need to be needed (Notice the emphasis on me, my and I…) These orphan attitudes have not been overtly obvious, rather they have been a subtle undercurrent, an almost indiscernible flavoring, tainting my leadership, teaching, working-relationships and friendships. Please forgive me if you have been an unwitting recipient – In my blindness Father is helping me to see and to let go.

All this time my hands have been tightly closed, my fingers grasping to take hold, straining to secure that which I believed to be rightfully mine; that which would somehow make me feel complete. But Father’s inheritance cannot be taken it can only be received, it cannot be earned it is only given. True sons and daughters do not have to fight for or earn inheritance. As we position ourselves as children of God, living in submission founded on love, rich inheritance will simply flow. I remember my step-father saying to me one day; “I hold everything with open hands, if Father wants to take things out or to put them in he has free access. If our hands are clenched shut to prevent him removing anything, by default we simultaneously exclude him from putting anything into them.” The reality is that it all belongs to Father anyway and no one is going to steal it out of His hands – we do not have to grasp and clench, we can let go, we can have open hands, living in the eternal security of our Father’s house and presence.

Jesus is our shining example, the one who did not count equality with God something to be grasped, instead humbling himself and consequently being exalted by Father (Phil 2:6-9). We are co-heirs with Christ but the inheritance cannot be taken or earned, only received by grace as we become like him, living in humble submission to Father’s heart and purposes.

Richard Jones is a long time missionary to Malaysia and Indonesia. For information on his ministry email fathersloveministry@mac.com

His web page :http://web.mac.com/ridwan/Fatherslove/Welcome.html

Sam Gilpin was the first who led me to the Lord and took me through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. This taught me deep things about transparency, surrender and restitution. This started me on a path to healing.

Pastor Steve McCoy was the second. Space does not permit me to share the many ways he has stood with me for 23 years. Certainly the foundation in God’s word that has kept me in the race all these years would be at the top of this list. The message of grace he preaches that has brought much healing was huge. Certainly counsel through all the years was also significant.

The late Jack Frost was the third who took my healing from such a broken childhood much deeper. Jack taught me the messages of Sonship that I have been sharing. He taught me church etiquette for traveling ministries. Jack taught me how to impart a message of grace to churches with other paradigms for ministry in such a way that it is received. Jack was amazing to me because he had a vision of where the church needed to go to fulfill God’s plan, yet because of his sonship he could bring his message in a way that it would be received rather than being yet another “martyr” who has “revelation that no one else sees” and ends up judging the church for being so lukewarm and deserving of wrath.

These men of God were there for me even though I was not always so sure of that. Not only did I have to work through my abandonment issues, I had to learn how to relate to the spiritual fathers God had placed in my life. I had no example to draw from. I feared my earthly father and there was not anything functional about our relationship. There were times of not asking for help and counsel because, “They don’t have time for me”. There were times of longing for them to meet my needs instead of taking my own proper personal responsibility. Both of these attitudes represent a slave/master mentality. If a slave asks a wrong question he may be hit and yet he does not eat unless this abuser feeds him. We often carry these same dysfunctional patterns over to how we relate to God. When things go our way we are so happy. When things are going wrong we can take it as rejection, thinking, “God doesn’t care for me”.

Hebrews 13:17—Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.

When we can learn to walk in healthy submission, to be a blessing rather than place demands, to get under and support the vision of the fathers God has placed in our lives it is very profitable for us, we mature into all that God has for us. It seems weekly we hear of another Christian couple getting divorced or leaving the church offended only to repeat the cycle at the next church. I believe it almost always comes down to the issues I have shared in this message. What if I would have gotten offended and left one of the spiritual fathers I mentioned in this article? Look at the heritage, the growth I would have missed! It is so worth it to work through our “children in the wilderness” mentalities, (as a slave relating to a master) and learn how to receive and relate to the spiritual fathers God places on our lives!

Fatherhood is coming to the church and will change everything. Not just fatherhood but a Father’s Love changing the churches very foundations. Bob Mumford says it will give an ethical base to Christianity. Bob Mumford lays out in his book differences between Eros love and Agape love. One is based on self and the other on selflessness. Integrity is coming to the church that will produce a new brand of holiness.

Not a holiness based on law, on rules and regulations but on love. We will ask ourselves the question “have I done anything to misrepresent Father God’s love to another human being?”  

Secular culture will began to see the church as a group of loving fathers rather than holier than thou preachers. In Luke 15 and verse 1 we see that people trapped in sin felt at ease to eat lunch with Jesus, never sensing anything condemning in His demeanor. The church is maturing in this hour through Bob Mumford’s teachings, Jack Frost’s and others to make an offer of love to a hurting world. Love that can heal our hurts and wash away our pain!

Check out The Agape Road at http://www.lifechangers.org

Read Jack Frost’s materials on Agape Reformation are found at http://www.shilohplace.org

Robert Hartzell’s resources are at Fountains of Life www.fountainsoflife.org

Squidoo article http://www.squidoo.com/AgapeReformation

Experiencing Father’s Embrace shows us there are so many things we can look to for identity other than resting in love. Even ministry can be a place of identity. This can be a stronghold that will cause us to use others to fulfill our vision of successful ministry, because without success we feel like we are nobody. We will end up placing ministry ahead of our own families if we struggle in this area. One statistic showed that most children who grow up with a parent in the ministry do not want anything to do with it when they reach adulthood.

Jack Frost goes on to teach that pain seeks pleasure. If we are not comforted by love we will seek it in food, alcohol, drugs, etc.

God has a place of rest and comfort for all His children when we can learn to relate to Him as a loving Father!

See Father’s Love letter http://www.fathersloveletter.com/ 

See Squidoo article http://www.squidoo.com/FathersLove

Check out Shiloh Place and Jack Frost articles www.shilohplace.org

Robert Hartzell’s materials www.fountainsoflife.org

Check out Shiloh Place www.shilohplace.org

Check out Agape Reformation article http://www.shilohplace.org/Downloads/Articles/Article26-EnteringIntoTheAgapeReformation.pdf

Robert Hartzell’s materials www.fountainsoflife.org