God has called all of us to walk in authority and dominion. The trap of the enemy is to get us focused on other people rather on the destiny God has for us. “Judy grew up in a household with a father who got drunk every weekend, and her whole family had been organized around trying to keep father on an even keel.” (Facing Shame) This really tends toward victim thinking and the idea that our destinies are tied up into the response of others.
I also grew up in an alcoholic home. We all felt we had to walk around on eggshells. What I did not see for a long time is that tiptoeing around is a form of control; it’s trying to control another person’s mood. The alcoholic is sometimes of the pathetic variety, but more often than not, he is abusive. He controls through fear, threat, and intimidation. When you grow up in an environment of fear, trying to keep an abuser happy, it is hard to be free of the idea that the world is a scary place and if you are not careful, someone will get mad at you.
Anybody I feel I have to be careful around is a person seeking to push me into a shame pattern. If we embrace walking on tiptoes, we have abdicated our authority and entered a cycle of shame-them trying to control us, and us trying to control them. The person that tries to control others through moodiness or sharp comments or anger needs boundaries not appeasement. It is hard to come into the health and destiny God has for us when our focus is on another person instead of on God. I believe this is part of learning how to walk in our authority and walk free from the fear of man.
Good and helpful information.
I grew up in an abusive home sexual and physical as well as mental. My parents made us go to church everytime there was a service. When we got home especially on Sunday afternoon. My dad would pick fights with us at the dinner table and would inevitably bring out the belt to all three of us. He never drank. He was a Deacon in our church. Underneath our Sunday clothes all three of us sported belt marks, bruises etc. we were never without them The point I am trying to make is that abuse happens everywhere, it is not selective to any particular group. Noone is immune. Please be aware that the child sitting near you in church may be being abused even if Daddy is a deacon and Mom is a Sunday school teacher which was true in my family. Please be aware and reach out to a child who appears withdrawn and shy or who may be acting out. Abuse happens everywhere and God needs our help and awareness to help quell the tide. Thanks, Karen
Robert, This aritcle is right on target. I grew up in an alcoholic environment and then married a man that became an alcoholic. As another example, I have seen people in the work place use fear to try and control employees. Learning to walk boldly in authority with God is the only place where I have found precious joy and peace.
Robert,
Well said! Tiptoeing around the elephant in the living room gets old. The elephant, whether they are abusive or not still controls the space he takes up both physically and psychologically, in extremely unhealthy ways.
The love of God shed abroad in my life has been the only thing that has allowed me to love the elephant right where it is, as it is.