One of the scariest times in my life was getting into a taxi at 4 in the morning for a 3 hour drive to the airport in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, to leave the country and to, quite possibly, never return.  Robert, Darren and I arrived in Miami without a single key in our pocket or purse; we owned nothing any longer. Just a few hours earlier we had a house, a cat, two dogs, a truck, a motorcycle, a church, a clinic and a future as missionaries in a third-world country. Now what did we have? Nothing; it was all gone. The only thing we owned now was faith.

I must say that this experience was a real faith-shaker. As Joni Mitchell wrote in a song  some years ago, “Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” (Big Yellow Taxi), I came to realize the truth in these words. But I also knew the words of another song that says, “He did not bring us out this far to take us back again; He brought us out to take us into the promise land” (it’s old). I knew there must be a reason God had sent us off to live as missionaries, waited for us to get used to that, then bring us back to the states not knowing what or where to turn to next. Well, at least we knew Who to turn to. This was one of those life-changing episodes where my faith got tested.

I know, like you, that the Word says God is faithful and true (Rev.3:14); but mine was more of a head knowledge rather than heart. I knew He had always been faithful in my life, even to provide for us on the mission field. In many, many ways I knew He was faithful, but it was time for a stretch. It was time for that knowledge to make the long journey of 14 inches from my head to my heart. Sometimes when things are the most difficult, I feel like my faith grows more, do you?  I’m pressed into God out of desperation. During this time in our lives we were desperate; we had no home, no job, no income, no future that we could see. But here’s the good part-within two weeks of stepping foot on American soil, our church and families rallied around us and we had a house someone let us live in, furniture, a rented vehicle, food to eat, and even a provision for Darren to attend a summer camp. Now THAT is God’s faithfulness!! Of course, that was six years ago and God has continued to be more than faithful to us; above and beyond all we could ask or think.

So what’s the point of this Stepping Stone? It’s a call to remember that God is faithful. Psalm 77 is a great psalm to read when we’re in the press and are wondering where God is in the middle of our difficulties. The Psalmist looks back and recounts the goodness of God in his life. I like to use this dramatic episode of my life to remind me of the past and how faithful God has been to me. He’s the same yesterday, today and forever (Heb.13:8); He changes not. If He was faithful then, He will also be now. He will not bring me out this far and just leave me there or let go of me to return right back to where I was. He’s increasing my faith every day, and I bet He’s increasing yours too.

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One of the phrases I used to use constantly was: “It doesn’t matter to me”. You could ask me if I wanted to go shopping or to the beach or whatever and that’s what I’d say. You could ask me where I wanted to go out to lunch or dinner or whether I wanted to take a break and that’s what I’d say-”Oh I don’t care, it doesn’t matter”.  What’s wrong with that? I came across to others as a real humble, selfless, caring for others type of person, but was I really? Maybe a little, but not totally. I didn’t realize I had given up my own identity a long time ago, and I really didn’t know what I wanted or felt. It wasn’t that it didn’t matter, but that I wouldn’t take the time to ask myself whether it did or not.

We all have a freedom of choice in most things. But I gave up my freedom to others, because what they thought of me, or what I thought they thought about me was more important than what I thought of me (got it?) As a child growing up, my parents of course expected me to behave, like most parents do. They were not harshly demanding or controlling but with my personality, I was what many would call the “compliant” child or the “peacemaker” in the family. I relinquished my rights to make decisions and found a much easier life in just letting others make decisions for me. Plus it made my family happy, my friends happy, even my enemies happy! And who doesn’t like to see others happy?

So as I got older I wasn’t sure who I really was. Who am I? What do I feel? What matters and doesn’t matter to me? Am I still what others want me to be, or can I take on my own identity? I can read what the Word says I am: I am the righteousness of God; I am the head and not the tail; I am God’s beloved child in whom He is well pleased. But what does all this really mean to me? How is the Word affecting my life and my actions? Well, who we are really depends on who we believe we are. For as a man thinks, so is he ( Prov.23:7 ). So what am I believing?

We do not need to understand ourselves before we can believe in ourselves. Belief comes first. “Understanding is the reward of faith”, says Aurelious Augustous.  As I began to believe in myself, what the Word said about me and to believe that Father God really does love me unconditionally, I allowed myself to start saying what I wanted or didn’t want regardless of what others thought. I started to take chances-to put myself “out there” to possibly fail or look bad, because it didn’t matter anymore, I knew I was loved whatever the end result was. I started to lead worship, to teach, to touch, to pray for others. I started to say what I would like for dinner or what I’d like to do-and as I did, I began to understand myself more. God began revealing to me who He really made me to be, what my unique calling and destiny was. He showed me how He made me unlike any one else, who has my own special gifting, personality, opinions and that it’s good being me! I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and it doesn’t matter what others say or think. I am constantly growing in my understanding and belief in what He says I am which empowers me more to live out my life for Him and not others.

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There were many other times when my dad became a monster. Fear entered my heart and a pattern of fear developed. There were these outrageous events that would take place growing up, experiences that reinforced fear of impending doom, fear that the world is dangerous. Many of us struggle with so many fears: health concerns, “Will I end up with diabetes or have a heart attack or cancer?”, family worries, “Will my children do well?” or “Will my marriage work out?” finances, “Will I have a retirement or even be able to pay my bills this month?”

We kind of have this evil foreboding of impending doom. So much of this comes down to, “Do I believe that God is good and that He loves me?” Over this past week I read The Shack by William Young; it really brought out this concept of whether or not I believe God is good.

Romans 12:2 says we should be transformed by the renewing of our minds. I believe much of this has to do with learning that God is good all the time. Some primary people in my life have not always chosen God’s will in relation to me, bad things have happened and I drew some wrong conclusions about God as a result. I embraced a life of fear. God has so much more!

1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” The word “perfect” here in the Greek means complete or mature. Fear in any area of my life means that there is something not completed or matured in me of love, some way I do not quite believe God is good all the time.

There was a time that the mere thought of my dad entering my mind made me punch walls. But love came and set me free. I received ministry one day over Muttly. As I was being prayed for I saw Jesus, His arm was around my shoulder and a tear was streaming down His cheek. I wondered why he was crying. Then I knew; it was for all the pain he saw in my dad’s heart that would cause him to act in such a way. He then told me that even as His arm was around my shoulder that He had always been there for me, protecting me all my life.

Boy did that change my perspective! I moved from fear and judgment to love and understanding and compassion. Love started casting fear out of my heart.

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My dad would often say, “I love my two girls.” He was very proud of us and very grateful that we could take care of the house, cook, etc. whenever my mother wasn’t feeling well. (I think most men like to be taken care of!) My father was a true family man, taking us along on business trips, going to the beach, even becoming a Girl Scout. Yes, he was a card-carrying, living, breathing Girl Scout, as was my mom. They were leaders of Troop 70 from the Westside of Jacksonville and they did everything. Camping, cooking, skating, hiking, anything to help us all get our merit badges.

One time on a camping trip a few of the girls got in a little trouble so my dad made them string vines around some trees, interlace palm fronds in them, dig a hole and make an outside private latrine. It was supposed to be a form of punishment but the girls actually had quite a bit of fun doing this! That was my dad, always involved, always “with you”.

As a high school student I was in the band, a mallet player in the drum section, and we had to go to all the football games and march the halftime shows. Well, guess who was at every game rain or shine? Guess who helped load the buses, work the car washes, sell the candy bars and cheer at the competitions? Yep, my dad. He didn’t even like football.

What my dad loved was music and sailing. Those became my passions too, perhaps because I adored my father and wanted to be just like him. He was a hero to me. He made us work for our grades rewarding us not with money, but the satisfaction of knowing we’d accomplished and achieved something worthwhile. He was loving and caring, staying up late waiting for my sister to come home from a date, gently leaning over my shoulder and helping me with homework, allowing us to “build” things with all the scrap wood from his workshop.

As a teenager I remember him giving advice, but never being harsh or demanding that we do things his way. He would always say, “If you ask me…….but that’s just my opinion”, letting us know his advice but giving us the freedom to chose for ourselves conveying that he trusts and doesn’t judge. Even in college I would invite many of my crazy musician friends out for a day of sailing and he would accept them and befriend them also, even when they brought their beer (he was a teetotaler!) and he knew a few of them did drugs. He loved them just like he did me.

As I got older and moved out of the house he would tell me, “Always know you have a place here if you need it.” I knew I always had a home, a safe place to run to. This established such security for me, both materially and emotionally. 

In 1994 my father passed away after battling colon cancer for several years. I had been saved as a child and related well to Father God having had such a great example of who He was, but I had a transfer to make now that my earthly father was gone. I always knew my dad would be there for me, helping me, encouraging me but he was physically gone now. So in going through all the stages of grief, I began the journey of seeing my Heavenly Father as closer than even my earthly father could have ever been.

Being in the ministry for 10 years now, our lives go up and down quite frequently, as does the income, the opportunities and the emotions. There are real needs and we have a real teenager! But deep in my soul I know that Father will provide, Father will be there, Father will take care of me. The little girl of years ago who walked the docks with her father, who sat side-by-side on the piano with him, and who was privileged to be given to her husband by; this little girl knows it’s all going to be okay-Father will always take care of me.

Do you know your Father like this? You can. He’s with you always; He’ll never leave or forsake you (Heb.13:5). He never even thinks a negative thought about you (Jer.29:11). I pray that you too can find Him this way-trusting, caring, loving, providing, gentle, and safe-because He is.

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By L. A. Joiner
One of the most poignant messages that came out of 9/11, were the words regarding firemen. People running from the burning towers were impacted by the firemen running in. Everything in the hearts and minds of the people fleeing was screaming, “run for your life”. Everything in the hearts and minds of those brave firefighters was screaming, “save a life”. It all has to do with values, perspective and training. The value you place on life, the perspective from which you view the current situation and the preparation of the past that has brought you to this point. I have been traveling a lot of late and that travel has given me the opportunity to see several ministries up close and personal during our current turbulent times.

Rodney Thrift of Crossway Church in the Blackshear/Waycross, Georgia is leading a relatively new church. As with any new work there is a building process. With all the anxiety of our present day and with all of the financial challenges, Crossway Church continues to train people for the future. In the rear of their small and often cramped auditorium is a large and spacious room that will be their new worship center. Here we see an example of expanding in faith while the world is trembling in fear.

John Carney is the Senior Pastor of The Church in the Meadow in Salem, Oregon. I have ministered there several times before. This time as we arrived I noticed the new parking lot all striped brightly inviting cars to enter. I saw the new signage in place. Transition is taking place on their ministry team and new members are being added. Once again, expanding during a downturn.

James Wiley is Senior Pastor of Oak Grove Assembly of God in Port St. Joe, Florida. Oak Grove is an old church in a small fishing town in the panhandle of Florida, in an area called “the forgotten coast”. As I arrived the land next to the existing sanctuary was buzzing with activity. The ground was being prepared for a new sanctuary. A much loved hugh oak tree had to be removed in order to make room for the new building. The hugh stump with much of it’s root system still in tact lay on it’s side in the rear of the property. I thought, “what a shame”. Then I realized that it had to go to make way for the future. As I contemplated the work underway I noticed the sign saying “future home of Oak Grove”. I had just left the Interstate where gas prices were breaking new record highs every few days. Housing values are slipping and homeowners across America are experiencing more and more repossessions. There seems to be a raging fear and a feeling of hopelessness. Yet, the church is preparing for the future. Expansion can be seen on many fronts. I am greatly encouraged by the faith and courage of the people of God. There is a stirring, this knowing that it is our time! For the fearless and the faithful, it is time to advance!

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My wife and I used to argue with our son over his chores. We were trying to get him to do what was right. One day I had an idea. When he came home from school I told him, “Darren, Mom and I have been talking and we have decided you do not have to do your chores anymore; you can even skip your homework if you want to.” He was in blissful shock! After a pause I continued, “But you cannot have any privileges such as TV, computer, or spending time with friends either, unless you take care of your responsibilities. We love you and we are not going to pressure you or argue anymore. We’d love for you to have your privileges but they only come with responsibility”.

He tested it and we did not get angry or pressure him or shame him. We did not even close our hearts toward him at all; we were quite friendly and loving. The entire next day, however, he did not have any privileges. After a time or two the battle was over and now it is never a fight to see him take care of his chores and homework.

Gal 5:1, 2 Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. Indeed I, Paul, say to you that if you become circumcised, Christ will profit you nothing.

What is Legalism?

Is legalism the judgmental Pharisees of the Bible? Is it the church where women cannot wear makeup? What is its underlying principal?

I believe law is based in man’s efforts and in fear. If I can make a rule about something then I can take things into my own hands, be in control and create my own “security”. This is all fear motivated. I am afraid God will not be there for me and that is what moves me toward law.

The whole world system and man’s fallen nature pushes us toward law. In the verses above, the Galatians knew truth and freedom but the traditions of a lifetime, fears they might not measure up and the pressure of peers all served to push them back toward circumcision.

Once I move toward law things now depend on me; I am afraid I may not measure up and so I feel pressure all the time. What if I cannot meet my own needs, what if I cannot measure up and be acceptable?

Legalism is About Control

I do not trust someone to do the right thing and so I apply some pressure. Rules are applied through tactics of intimidation, anger, shaming and fear. So we make statements to our children like, “What’s wrong with you?”  The sales manager states, “Whoever is at the bottom of the sales board at the end of the month will be fired”. A minister preaches, “You are either for God or against Him; if you aren’t giving to evangelism (or the building project, or the mission trip…) you won’t be blessed”; or “Jesus died on the cross for us and we can’t even give Him our best?”

Our identities get tied into these things, our son or employee or church member might make us look bad, might hinder us from applying rules and being successful, acceptable.

How We Motivate Others

At the moment we accepted Jesus, God could have installed in us a zapper, like those electronic collars for dogs used with the invisible fence. The electrical wire is buried under ground and when the dog with the collar crosses it he gets a “zap”! He very quickly learns where he can and cannot go. God could have done that with us at salvation. We go to spread a little gossip, tell a lie or express some lust and “Zaaap”! If this were the case, I believe the body of Christ would quickly rise to whole new levels of obedience, OR would it be outward conformity, obedience based on law and fear?

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John 3:16-17 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

Obedience Based on Fear

When I was still a boy my family and I went to a restaurant. My brother and I used our napkins properly and kept our elbows off the table, we were not noisy nor did we interrupt, in fact we did not speak unless spoken to. A couple sitting nearby commented to my dad how well-mannered my brother and I were. What they did not know was that we lived with an abusive father and were obedient for fear of our lives!

My father extracted our obedience, but at what cost? I grew up hating him and rebelled in every way. He extracted obedience, but he did it based on fear and control, producing only an outward conformity.

I cannot put into words how huge I think this is! This is the church; this is the world system; this is the debate of our times! A huge amount of preaching relies on the idea of threat, punishment or judgment. I feel like this is bringing God down to man’s level or projecting onto God how man would do things. Having to resort to threat is weakness, it is fear-based and it implies insecurity. A bully would not have a need to intimidate if he was secure! I grew up with an abusive father and it was all based in fear. I just cannot believe that God is in heaven wringing His hands over what in the world He is going to do with so many disobedient children!

Bill Johnson said, “A battle is brewing, not over the Holy Spirit, healing or revival, but over the goodness of God. If I did to my children what some people accuse God of doing to His, I would be thrown in jail for child abuse!”

God is not destroying cities with earthquakes, He did not cause 9/11 because of homosexuals, and He is not putting sickness on people to try and teach them something. He is a loving God. 1 John 4 says that God is love and so everything He does is with love in mind. Am I saying there are no consequences for sin, of course not, but I believe how we look at it is vitally important. Man chooses his own way, the world is under sin, and breaking God’s laws bring reaping. If an airplane loses a wing and thus breaks God’s laws of aerodynamics it will crash, not because God poured out His wrath but because laws were broke. God’s will is that all the people on that plane would be saved, 1 Timothy 2:4.

True obedience is born out of a heart broken by love not out of scaring someone into fire insurance. It is love alone that can make a person feel safe enough to lower the walls down from around their heart and move into empathy. True conviction has to have the element of empathy for it is then that we see how our actions have hurt others, we move out of selfishness and can begin embracing steps of humility! Even to the point of seeing our need for a Savior.

A loving father is one who sets boundaries for his children, gives them free choice but also does not rescue them from the consequences of their actions, but he never devalues, demeans or belittles. And it is certainly not his heart to pour out his wrath on his disobedient children.

God is well able to be the mature one in our relationship with Him, to take the high road, not being childish or petty. He is not threatened by ways we are still selfish and immature. He rejoices over us with joy and singing, Zephaniah 3:17 and His banner over us is love, Song 2:4.

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Richard Jones

Recently the press has made allegations that Pavarotti’s marriage was on the rocks prior to his demise. They also assert that his widow is locked in a legal battle with his daughters over the tenor’s assets. It seems that Hulk Hogan’s 23-year marriage to Linda Hogan is also in ruins, with some suggesting a divorce of convenience to protect assets from litigation. How about Anna Nicole Smith and her marriage to the billionaire J. Howard Marshall, 63 years her senior, and the grieving widow’s ensuing legal battle with his son over J. Howard’s fortune? Isn’t it amazing what extremes we will go to secure assets and gain inheritance? We might not be brooding or arguing over millions or billions, but the heart reflects the man and at its core inheritance is a heart issue.

Similar attitudes and their consequences surface in Christians circles every week; this church splitting, that leader leaving, people seeking position and power, the discontent going from church to church or ministry to ministry demanding attention and recognition, people burnt out slaving in Christian service, angry people demanding or tired people slaving for their ever elusive inheritance. The problem is that in Father’s house if you try to take your inheritance before its time then you will ultimately lose it, and if you try to earn it then the harder you try the farther it will seem from your grasp. The late Jack Frost would point to the many ministries inciting us to claim our inheritance now, and then ask his listeners to show him someone who had received it and was living in it.

The problem is that the majority of the human race is living as spiritual orphans, not just outside the church but also many of us within. Orphans do not have any inheritance coming to them so they have to go out and fight for and grab all that they can get for themselves. In Luke 15 we find two sons living as orphans, one opts to take all that is coming to him and to spend it on himself, while the other is slaving in the field trying to earn what he regarded as his birthright. The father’s response to the latter was: “My son…everything I have is yours” (Luke 15:29,31) - even when everything was already his, the inheritance eluded him because his motivation mirrored that of his younger sibling. Both sons had orphan hearts.

Of late, Father has gently shown me the brokenness of my own orphan heart. I realize that I have fought for position, power and for status, that I have longed for others to acknowledge me and recognize my ministry. That I have served out of a need to be needed (Notice the emphasis on me, my and I…) These orphan attitudes have not been overtly obvious, rather they have been a subtle undercurrent, an almost indiscernible flavoring, tainting my leadership, teaching, working-relationships and friendships. Please forgive me if you have been an unwitting recipient - In my blindness Father is helping me to see and to let go.

All this time my hands have been tightly closed, my fingers grasping to take hold, straining to secure that which I believed to be rightfully mine; that which would somehow make me feel complete. But Father’s inheritance cannot be taken it can only be received, it cannot be earned it is only given. True sons and daughters do not have to fight for or earn inheritance. As we position ourselves as children of God, living in submission founded on love, rich inheritance will simply flow. I remember my step-father saying to me one day; “I hold everything with open hands, if Father wants to take things out or to put them in he has free access. If our hands are clenched shut to prevent him removing anything, by default we simultaneously exclude him from putting anything into them.” The reality is that it all belongs to Father anyway and no one is going to steal it out of His hands - we do not have to grasp and clench, we can let go, we can have open hands, living in the eternal security of our Father’s house and presence.

Jesus is our shining example, the one who did not count equality with God something to be grasped, instead humbling himself and consequently being exalted by Father (Phil 2:6-9). We are co-heirs with Christ but the inheritance cannot be taken or earned, only received by grace as we become like him, living in humble submission to Father’s heart and purposes.

Richard Jones is a long time missionary to Malaysia and Indonesia. For information on his ministry email fathersloveministry@mac.com

His web page :http://web.mac.com/ridwan/Fatherslove/Welcome.html

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Psalms 145:8-9 the LORD is gracious and full of compassion, Slow to anger and great in mercy. The LORD is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works.

1 Thessalonians 2:7 But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children.

I love hanging out with my 15 year old son. We lift weights and play soccer together. He loves to tell me the latest happenings in the sport’s world. But when he needs comfort he goes to his mom. Men can certainly express affection but there is just something about mothers.

Genesis 1:27 says that God not only created man in His own image, but also woman. If that is the case then God certainly has in His heart all that we could ever need in the way of a mother’s love.

Fathers give direction, purpose and a sense of destiny, whereas a mother’s love comforts, nurtures, sooths and expresses affection. Duty verses rest-activity verses just being.

So often in church we hear about vision and duty, the Great Commission. Maybe this is because the needs are real, the lost do need to be saved, and it really does take money to go. Maybe this is because the bulk of preaching is done by men. Whatever the reason, there is a tender side to God’s nature that we also need to know about. Can I value resting and just being with God, allowing His love to comfort me as much as I value getting things done?

1 John 4:18 says that when love is brought to completion it casts out fear. As Frances saw God’s tenderness she was able let go of her fears, risk opening her heart and allow the pain from not having a nurturing mother to come to the surface. She was able to allow God Himself to meet that deep need within her and to begin receiving His gentle loving nature.

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Sam Gilpin was the first who led me to the Lord and took me through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. This taught me deep things about transparency, surrender and restitution. This started me on a path to healing.

Pastor Steve McCoy was the second. Space does not permit me to share the many ways he has stood with me for 23 years. Certainly the foundation in God’s word that has kept me in the race all these years would be at the top of this list. The message of grace he preaches that has brought much healing was huge. Certainly counsel through all the years was also significant.

The late Jack Frost was the third who took my healing from such a broken childhood much deeper. Jack taught me the messages of Sonship that I have been sharing. He taught me church etiquette for traveling ministries. Jack taught me how to impart a message of grace to churches with other paradigms for ministry in such a way that it is received. Jack was amazing to me because he had a vision of where the church needed to go to fulfill God’s plan, yet because of his sonship he could bring his message in a way that it would be received rather than being yet another “martyr” who has “revelation that no one else sees” and ends up judging the church for being so lukewarm and deserving of wrath.

These men of God were there for me even though I was not always so sure of that. Not only did I have to work through my abandonment issues, I had to learn how to relate to the spiritual fathers God had placed in my life. I had no example to draw from. I feared my earthly father and there was not anything functional about our relationship. There were times of not asking for help and counsel because, “They don’t have time for me”. There were times of longing for them to meet my needs instead of taking my own proper personal responsibility. Both of these attitudes represent a slave/master mentality. If a slave asks a wrong question he may be hit and yet he does not eat unless this abuser feeds him. We often carry these same dysfunctional patterns over to how we relate to God. When things go our way we are so happy. When things are going wrong we can take it as rejection, thinking, “God doesn’t care for me”.

Hebrews 13:17—Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.

When we can learn to walk in healthy submission, to be a blessing rather than place demands, to get under and support the vision of the fathers God has placed in our lives it is very profitable for us, we mature into all that God has for us. It seems weekly we hear of another Christian couple getting divorced or leaving the church offended only to repeat the cycle at the next church. I believe it almost always comes down to the issues I have shared in this message. What if I would have gotten offended and left one of the spiritual fathers I mentioned in this article? Look at the heritage, the growth I would have missed! It is so worth it to work through our “children in the wilderness” mentalities, (as a slave relating to a master) and learn how to receive and relate to the spiritual fathers God places on our lives!

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