By Robert
The development of personhood is a powerful concept in helping us move towards maturity and intimacy in all our relationships. This concept (the state or condition of being a person) has gripped me. The idea 
that it can be diminished through abuse and developed through respect explains many things. When mental, emotional, and physical boundaries are crossed; when we are controlled, manipulated, told how to think or not permitted to feel; when physical abuse or violations occur, we are then treated like an object rather than a person, thus taking away our personhood.
A married couple struggled with compulsive shopping and dieting. These addictions had really affected their marriage in ways that they had not identified. When issues came up for them to deal with, each found a way to avoid confrontation or discussion by choosing to escape using the spending or dieting. In that way, there was no deepening of rapport, no building of mutual understanding from one issue or conflict to the next. They moved away from intimacy instead of towards it. In a sense, they treated each other like objects, diminishing each other’s personhood.
People often feel unconsciously threatened by their lack of control in certain areas. When they gravitate to controlling responses as the single answer, not only does the relationship fail to grow and deepen, but also they as individuals fail to mature in the process of interacting with normal life challenges and experiences.
Personhood cannot be developed without respect of boundaries-mental, emotional and physical. When there is control rather than respect, intimacy is lost in all relationships.
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