Paths to Dwell In

How to be free of anger

There is a major key in helping find freedom from anger. When it comes to dealing with anger we have been exhorted, admonished, and given techniques like praying daily for the person we are angry with until our heart changes. Dealing with anger can be elusive, we pray and nothing seems to happen. This issue of anger is very common with most clients I work with even though it is often hidden at first. The major key to freedom I have found is that there is usually a reason someone is holding onto anger.  

An Exercise

Think of the person you are mad at and why. Now search your heart considering the idea of fully letting it go. Do you notice anything hesitant in your heart to fully release the anger? What if you did fully let it go, how would that make you feel? Do not give the standard Christian answer from your mind, but look to your heart and see how it feels. We feel what we believe.

Most of the time the belief for holding the anger will be something like, “I’ll be unprotected if I let it go; it will happen again,” or “nothing will change,” or “they’ll just get away with it.”

Do not try to deny that feeling; simply acknowledge if that feels true in your heart. Then lift that belief up to God and listen. “Father, it feels like this anger is the only thing I have to protect me. God would You speak to me about that?” If you get down to how you really feel and what you really believe by embracing honesty, humility, and childlike meekness, acknowledging the truth- you will hear God speak. Once the hindrances are out of the way it becomes relatively easy to pray a prayer to release the anger and forgive the person who hurt you. I have done this with many prayer ministry clients and see close to a 100% success rate with this approach. Give it a try, or call me.

Identity in Love

When we lack identity in God’s love we will have fears to deal with since it is love that casts them out. 1 Jn.4:17 Fear leads to control; a lack of vulnerability, having walls up.

“In a shame bound family system there tends to be rigidly defined boundaries. This causes the development of self to get cut off early. Children learn to value defiant individualism over the ongoing dialog of relationship.” (Facing Shame) Most teenage rebellion can be found right here!

By Robert

Today’s article is taken from the best selling business book, “Good to Great.” It may challenge your thinking and theology. However, I believe there is a huge key here to what keeps people from fulfilling their destinies.

Good to Great Quote

“The ‘leadership is the answer to everything’ perspective is the modern equivalent of the ‘God is the answer to everything’ perspective that held back our scientific understanding of the physical world in the Dark Ages. In the 1500s, people ascribed all events they did not understand to God. With the Enlightenment, we began the search for understanding – physics, chemistry, biology, and so forth. Similarly, every time we attribute everything to leadership, we are admitting our ignorance. Not that we should become leadership atheists (leadership does matter), but every time we throw our hands up in frustration – reverting back to, “Well, the answer must be leadership!” – we prevent ourselves from gaining deeper, more scientific understanding about what makes great companies tick.”

Hyper-Spirituality

It is so easy to be hyper-spiritual. We have some sort of problem and we make comments like, “God will just have to give me His grace here,” or “God will just have to do a miracle.” It is not that there is not some truth to these statements, but what about stewardship or personal responsibility? Think of it this way. Your teenage son is going to mow the lawn as he has done many times before and the mower won’t start. He responds, “Dad, fix it.” This is not much different than, “God will just have to come through (and fix whatever problem).” At some point, we expect our teen to take a little personal responsibility, be a little proactive and problem solve. Did he check and see if there’s gas, is the switch on, does it smell flooded?

Depravity versus Treasure

We have this idea, based on a Calvinistic man’s a worm theology that says, “I can do nothing,” “in me is no good thing,” “it is only by God’s grace,” “that unless God comes through we are helpless.” God has invested in most of us many skills, understanding, faith and experiences. At some point He expects us to step up and do some problem solving, use our faith, apply some prayer, and look for some scriptural principles to apply. The depravity of man is a real doctrine, however, it is also true that God invests His treasure in us and He expects a return on His investment.

I sit here in my living room between a brightly lit up Christmas tree and a lawn mower. Yes, there is a lawn mower in my living room, as well as a weed eater, gas cans, miscellaneous hand tools, and an empty propane container. Why, oh why, you ask, is this stuff in my living room? Well, it is like this: we are in the process of painting the house. This necessitated pressure washing, which led to the discovery of rotten wood on the porch, and then the exposure of a plethora of termites. This, in turn, caused the porch to be torn down, which led to the lawn mower and other items from the porch coming into my living room.

Isn’t it interesting that we can start out with one plan and it gets drastically changed to another in a matter of moments? Just think of Mary and Joseph. I would presume the original plan was to go Bethlehem, take the census, visit some friends and family, and then return home. Having their baby boy born in a smelly stable was probably not on that script, yet it happened. Imagine Mary’s thoughts-God had done so many supernatural things from angelicvisitations, the prophecy from Elisabeth, and supernatural conception, and yet He did not provide a room for her in Bethlehem. But she continued to trust. Things sometimes just don’t work out as we plan.

Many times we get frustrated, angry, even depressed when our plans go awry, but God knows the end of a thing before the beginning (Isa.48:5). Mary and Joseph had no idea of the unforeseen ramifications from the birth of their son, the shepherds coming, or any of the other unusual events that later took place. We too, have no idea what the future holds or the understanding of the reasons why we are forced to experience certain things in our lives.  However, Father God does, and He uses all things for our good (Rom. 8:28) to shape us into the person that can fulfill the unique calling and destiny He has for each one of us.

So “Merry Christmas to all,” I say, as I sit back and enjoy my cup of tea, relishing the smells of pine and terra firma. Whatever God has in store for you this season, it is going to be good-unexpected maybe, but good.

By Robert

Dominion or Domination

I know of a martial arts instructor who has clearly mastered his art. Not too many could mess with this guy. He can also impart his knowledge to others in a life-giving way. He does not lord his knowledge over others, nor is he on an ego trip. He does not get threatened or feel inferior if a student does not learn quickly enough. He teaches, he imparts, he empowers.

Many of us remember the antagonist instructor in the movie the Karate Kid. He clearly was on an ego trip. It was not about the kids, it was about him. He was dominating, demeaning, and cruel.

These two styles of authority play out in many ways from business managers, educators, coaches, to even pastors and missionaries. I have met many missionaries who were on the field for all the wrong reasons. They were belittling toward the people group they worked with and arrogant toward other missionaries who “did not know as much as they did.”

Dominion through identity

Wounded people seek authority in order to dominate others. Basic emotional wholeness and a solid identity enable an individual to move into dominion that is life-giving to those under him. Healthy dominion is rooted in our identity and not in our authority. Our identity comes primarily from the way we were fathered.

Basic Trust

The way a father responds to his children builds identity in them. When the father has been diligent in establishing the child’s identity there is a freedom, wholeness, and willingness to risk.

“This has been called the “Age of Anxiety.” Considering the attention given the subject by psychology, theology, literature, and the pharmaceutical industry, not to mention the testimony from our own lives, we could fairly well conclude that there is more anxiety today, and, moreover, that there is definitely more anxiety about anxiety now than there has been in previous epochs of history.

Nevertheless, I would hesitate to characterize this as an “Age of Anxiety,” just as I would be loathe to call this an “Age of Affluence,” “Coronary Disease,” “Mental Health,” “Dieting,” “Conformity,” or “Sexual Freedom,” my reason being that none of these labels, whatever fact or truth they may involve, goes to the heart of the matter.

Much as I dislike this game of labels, my preference…would be to call this the “Age of the Disordered Will.” It takes only a glance to see a few of the myriad varieties of willing what cannot be willed that enslave us: we will to sleep, will to read fast, will to have simultaneous orgasm, will to be creative and spontaneous, will to enjoy our old age, and, most urgently, will to will.

If anxiety is more prominent in our time, such anxiety is the product of our particular modern disability of the will. To this disability, rather than to anxiety, I would attribute the ever-increasing dependence on drugs affecting all level of our society. While drugs do offer relief from anxiety, their more important task is to offer the illusion of healing the split between the will and its refractory object. The resulting feeling of wholeness may not be a responsible one, but at least within that wholeness-no matter how willful the drugged state may appear to an outsider-there seems to be, briefly and subjectively, a responsible and vigorous will. This is the reason, I believe, that the addictive possibilities of our age are so enormous.” (1976, p.32)

Farber, L.H. (1976), Lying, despair, jealousy, envy, sex, suicide, drugs, and the good life. New York: Harper & Row.