Inclusion and Acceptance

April 27, 2012 By 4 Comments

By Cyndi

Almost every Saturday morning I pass by a fellow who exercises regularly like me. And it seems like to everyone he walks by he says, “How ya feeling this morning? Feeling good? Alright. It’s gonna be a great day.” He’s truly is one of the most positive persons I’ve ever met, even though I haven’t exactly ever “met” him. He carries with him an atmosphere of optimism, of joy and goodness. I don’t know if he’s a believer in Christ, but I suspect he is.

A feeling of acceptance and inclusion is what this man shares – a real living example of Father’s love – and what occurs to me is that the only way he can spread this feeling around is by knowing it himself. I believe we can’t give away something we don’t have.

In order for us to make others feel accepted and included, we must feel that way ourselves. Just like trying to sell a product you don’t believe in, buyers can see right through your pitch and know it’s not good, or else you’d be using it too. This works through the principle of loving your neighbor as you love yourself (Matt.22:39). The foundation is first knowing you are loved and accepted unconditionally by Father God. When we understand this and can love ourselves – having mercy on our own faults, mistakes and failures – we can then, in turn, risk loving others with all their faults and problems.

This is the test. Are we able to risk loving? Are we able to hold our heart open? Are we able to give, knowing that we may be rejected, ignored, made fun of, or even despised in return? Many times our own pain keep us from opening up our hearts – we’ve been hurt before, so what makes us think this time will be any different? This insecurity only goes away when we fully receive His love and deal with our wounding.

Jesus was so secure in His Father’s love that He could endure the ridicule, the humiliation, and the judgement of others, even to the point of never retaliating or defending Himself. He was grounded in love. He always walked in optimism and joy.

So when I pass my Saturday-morning encourager, cheering on and lifting up those around him, this fellow reminds me of Jesus. And I feel happier. I feel included in the human race and accepted to just be me. The atmosphere around me has been charged with kindness and I can’t help but smile. Now it’s my turn to share it. Am I secure enough to give it away?

Filed Under: Encouragement, Father's Love, happiness, Love, self awareness Tagged With: , , ,

Motivation and Control

April 20, 2012 By 8 Comments

Boundaries with Darren

My wife and I used to argue with our son over his chores. We were trying to get him to do what was right. One day I had an idea. When he came home from school I told him, “Darren, Mom and I have been talking and we have decided you do not have to do your chores anymore; you can even skip your homework if you want to.” He was in blissful shock! After a pause I continued, “But you cannot have any privileges such as TV, computer, or spending time with friends either, unless you take care of your responsibilities. We love you and we are not going to pressure you or argue anymore. We’d love for you to have your privileges but they only come with responsibility.”

He tested it and we did not get angry or pressure him or shame him. We did not even close our hearts toward him at all; we were quite friendly and loving. The entire next day, however, he did not have any privileges. After a time or two the battle was over and now it is never a fight to see him take care of his chores and homework.

Gal 5:1, 2 Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. Indeed I, Paul, say to you that if you become circumcised, Christ will profit you nothing.

What is Legalism?

Is legalism the judgmental Pharisees of the Bible? Is it the church where women cannot wear makeup? What is its underlying principal?

I believe law is based in man’s efforts and in fear. If I can make a rule about something, then I can take things into my own hands, be in control and create my own “security.” This is all fear motivated. I am afraid God will not be there for me and that is what moves me toward law.

The whole world system and man’s fallen nature pushes us toward law. In the verses above, the Galatians knew truth and freedom but the traditions of a lifetime – fears they might not measure up – and the pressure of peers, all served to push them back toward circumcision.

Once I start moving towards law, things now depend on me; I am afraid I may not measure up and so I feel pressure all the time. What if I cannot meet my own needs? What if I cannot measure up and be acceptable?

Legalism is About Control

If I do not trust someone to do the right thing, I apply some pressure. Rules are applied through tactics of intimidation, anger, shaming and fear. We make statements to our children like, “What’s wrong with you?”  A sales manager states, “Whoever is at the bottom of the sales board at the end of the month will be fired.” A minister preaches, “You are either for God or against Him; if you aren’t giving to evangelism (or the building project, or the mission trip…) you won’t be blessed;” or “Jesus died on the cross for us and we can’t even give Him our best?”

Our identities get tied into these things. Fear that our son or employee or church member might make us look bad, might hinder us from applying rules and being successful, acceptable.

How We Motivate Others

At the moment we accepted Jesus, God could have installed in us a zapper, like those electronic collars for dogs used with the invisible fence. The electrical wire is buried under ground and when the dog with the collar crosses it he gets a “zap!” He very quickly learns where he can and cannot go. God could have done that with us at salvation. We go to spread a little gossip, tell a lie or express some lust and “Zaaap!” If this were the case, I believe the body of Christ would quickly rise to whole new levels of obedience, BUT… would it be outward conformity? Would it simply be obedience based on law and fear?

Filed Under: Agape Reformation, control, Father's Love, Obedience, Spiritual Maturity Tagged With: , , , ,

Processing the Process

March 29, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Cyndi

Having an argument with your spouse is never fun. Dealing with the challenges in a teenager aren’t always fun either. Being alone  and by yourself all the time has its downsides too. What’s the link between these three? Each one of these circumstances have the potential to bring up issues in our life, and by issues, I’m referring to problems or questions.

But what most of us cannot always see, is that dealing with issues can be a good thing – not always a pleasant occasion, but at least productive. We first have to understand that having an issue is not an issue. Got it? What I mean is that no one is perfect and has it all together. We all have issues. It’s okay! Life isn’t a one-time event. It’s a journey – a process. And learning to process the process is the means by which we move forward.

The process of processing is actually somewhat easy – well, at least to begin with. It’s simply understanding and accepting that we are in process. Each one of us are on a path that God has us on. That path may be created more by our hands than His, but He is still God. He knows what’s going on and is not shaken by any wrong avenue we may have taken. We, on the other hand, sometimes need to step over to the side of the road, stop for a moment and take a look at our journey. Where are we going and where have we been?

As traveling teachers, Robert and I have been to many nations. Theoretically I can say I’ve been to Japan, but I’ve really only been in the Tokyo and Narita airports. I’ve never experienced the country itself. This is similar to living on a path and never taking the time to experience life. We’re just traveling through, going from point A to point B. This is not processing. It’s like going from airport to airport in country after country and saying we’ve visited all these places, but we haven’t. We have to get out of the airport! There’s more to life than a beginning and an end.

Life is a process. Dictionary.com defines process as “a continuous action, operation, or series of changes taking place in a definite manner.” It is definite that there will be changes in life, there will be stages in life, and there will be challenges in life. These are all part of the process. So when changes happen and issues come up, process them. When questionable feelings come up, process them. Accept that your life is a process and you are in process; then you have begun processing the process.

Filed Under: emotional responsibility, Emotions, How to Change, life skills Tagged With: , , ,

We Are Three

March 11, 2012 By 2 Comments

By Cyndi

Yesterday as I went out for a run, I was reflecting back on the opportunity I had had an hour or so earlier that day to witness and share with someone what the Lord has been doing in my life. I was invigorated and stirred up spiritually after that. My heart was full of praise, the sun was shining, and I was clipping along at a fairly quick pace. I could feel my spirit, soul and body in complete harmony and resonating with joy.

Gen.1:26 says, “And God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.’”  God is a 3-part being – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit – and so are we. We are made in His likeness. Our spirit, soul and body are interconnected, integrated into one person that makes up who we are. One part does not exist without the others. If something influences one part, it will automatically affect the other two. As in the example above, my physical body and soul were energized by the spiritual opportunity that I had encountered.

The other day a medical doctor was telling us how so much emphasis is on physical health in her profession, but that without spiritual and emotional health, we don’t really have anything. The physical is only one-third of us. If only one-third of our car is working, would it still run? No. We would be silly to think it would, yet we attempt to “run” our bodies without the other two parts in working condition.

When we understand that all three parts of us affect one another, this can help us tremendously, especially in stabilizing our emotions. Look at it this way: if we are struggling with maintaining spiritual activities (prayer, Bible reading, etc.), or if we are struggling with being physically active or connecting with people (exercising, fellowshipping, etc.), then this information simply lets us know there may be an emotional disturbance within us. One of our “parts” may be out of balance and we need to check on it.

God wants all three parts of us to be blessed and to prosper (3 John 1:2). And when we are harmonized together, it is like a musical trio that creates beautiful sounds that blend into a pleasing song. Or it could be like running in your best form, setting your best time and pace. As we are functioning as a 3-part being, balancing each of them and helping them work together, life is good.

Filed Under: design, Emotions, happiness, Running, Uncategorized Tagged With: , ,

Are You Fathered?

February 25, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Robert

Picture two nine year old boys staring out the window of an orphanage longing for simple things. A family to be with on Christmas morning, the taste of warm cookies and milk after school. God put a deep longing in us for loving family. Closeness with God is founded in being a son comfortable with his father. Living as fatherless leaves us languid, without an inheritance, without emotional resources and opportunities that only fathers can give. How do we learn sonship?

Was dad there with acceptance and comforting love when I gave it my all but still struck out and my teammates sneered and scoffed? Did he rejoice with me when I worked hard and aced my final exam? When I wrecked the car and dad was upset, did I still know he was safe? Was dad’s love and authority a safe and warm place for my heart to rest?

Many of us had parents in the home, but their emotional absence or abuse left us feeling like orphans. Walking with God is about embracing a posture of sonship. It is more than loyalty and obedience, it is a heart responding to love, crying out, “Abba Father.” However, if you didn’t learn this growing up, how do you get there?

Daniel LaRusso grew up without a father. High school age, he moved from New Jersey to Los Angeles and promptly found himself being picked on. Enter Mr. Miyagi. He knew how to father, how to believe in someone who doesn’t believe in themselves. He knew how to see potential in Daniel and draw it out of him. Daniel gained the ability to risk because Miyagi gave him the fathering presence that was a sure emotional foundation to risk from. Daniel was able to risk fighting the Cobra Kai martial arts team, facing potential harm, with no guarantee of success. Many of you know this as the Karate Kid story, but the truth is, we all long for a spiritual father to believe in us.

To grow as a son you have to be willing to open your heart to a father. He won’t be perfect, he may not fit your perception of how a father does things, but he’ll change your life if you let him. Mr. Miyagi taught Daniel to be teachable, taught him to work hard and not ask questions. Daniel had to take on the posture of a son if he wanted the inheritance Miyagi offered.

Romans 8:14 says we have to be led (teachable) in order to be sons. Verse 15 says that by being led, the Spirit frees us of the fears that come from living in independence, fear of having to fend for ourselves because we can’t let a father be there for us. God gives us adoption to sonship wherein we cry Abba (Daddy) Father. Hebrews 12:8, 9 says it this way: if we can’t receive correction from Father, we are as illegitimate sons. No father equals no inheritance. Verse 9, If we can receive correction, we LIVE. God’s life flows through us. Back to Romans 8, verse 17 confirms this that when we live led, we get inheritance, we are heirs with Christ. We mature into what God has for us and make a difference in the world in the unique way God created us for.

1 John 4:20 says we don’t have in the spiritual what is not seen in the natural. In other words, if I have a heart of sonship toward God, you will see evidence of that in how I relate to spiritual fathers and authority figures, on earth. It starts with opening my heart, taking on the posture of a son. God has some Cobra Kai for you to fight. Will you take the risk?

Filed Under: Father's Love, Jack Frost, Leadership, Servant-Leadership, sonship Tagged With: , , , , ,

A Perfect Work

February 11, 2012 By 2 Comments

By Cyndi

I was reading through some chapters in Exodus lately and I was reveling in the details God gave in building the Ark of the Covenant and the construction of the Tent of Meeting. He specified exactly what kind of wood to use, the precise measurements of everything from the length of the Table of Showbread to the carvings on the Golden Lampstand, and even the exact colors and types of skin to use for the curtains. God had some well-defined plans made for this project.

Which makes me look at myself. I’m definitely a work in progress – a project the Lord is still building. I’m still dealing with issues, still working out struggles and challenges in my life. But as I see the nature of God through His word and through His creation, I believe He is extremely precise and accurate in everything. His plan for my life has clear-cut measurements and perfect timing for me as an individual, not a cookie-cutter person.

I can see that through all my childhood years, all my experiences as a teenager, and all my life as an adult, God is intricately building me to His design. He is using everything I’ve gone through (and going to go through) to select the colors, to carve a patterns, and to place in order my unique life. Experiences leave an impression on us. And when we deal with our issues and come to terms with them, God causes that impression to become His mark on us – that others will see Him in us. He is the same God from the book of Exodus; His plans are distinct, explicit, and perfect.

Filed Under: Christianity, destiny, Encouragement, Personhood, Spiritual Maturity Tagged With: , , , , ,

What Is Darkness?

January 13, 2012 By 1 Comment

By Cyndi

We live in a world that values strength and belittles weakness. We idolize characters such as Rambo, John Wayne, and Jason Bourne. It is so easy to feel that there is no way to advance in life if people see our weaknesses, our personal struggles. So we tend to be drawn toward hiding these things about ourselves. We want to put them in the dark where no one can see them. Yet, if we can’t even acknowledge we have struggles, how can we ever hope to overcome them? Understanding what is darkness and what is light puts a huge tool in our hands for growth.

Blatant sin, of course, is darkness; however, there can be smaller, less noticeable ways where we might be living in the dark. 1 John 1:6 says,”… if we say we have fellowship with God, but we continue living in darkness, we lie and do not follow the truth.” So what exactly does this “living in darkness” mean? Simply put, anything that is hidden and not exposed. To paraphrase Andrew Murray’s definition of humility, darkness is not being willing to be known for who we really are.

If we are humble – being known for who we really are – then we find no reason to hide our past, our present struggles, or our future dreams. But being open and transparent like this involves risk. If we were to divulge certain things about ourselves, people may reject us or make fun of us, or even worse, they may not love and accept us. And it’s possible they may abandon us.

It’s much easier to stay in the dark than to take the chance of living in openness and transparency, but unfortunately, there are “friends” that tend to hang around us there. Fear, worry, anxiety, shame, guilt – all of these can be our ‘best friends’ when we’re in darkness. And there’s no peace or rest there. Only by embracing light do we position ourselves to experience growth.

We can be free from our past and live emotionally present in all our relationships today! By facing the hidden darkness in our lives, we can find freedom to be who we really are, unashamedly. Light is the place where we have the actual experience of feeling secure in our Father’s arms and live open-hearted to the world.

Filed Under: Christianity, Father's Love, humility, Shame, Spiritual Maturity Tagged With: , , , , ,

Suffering Losses

October 9, 2011 By 5 Comments

By Cyndi

Into middle age now, I tend to look back on my life at times and reflect. In going through healing journeys of past wounding and processing pain these last few years, as well as seeing into the lives of those I counsel, I have come to an astounding conclusion. I believe accepting and grieving losses is one of the hardest parts of this passage called life.

As I walk through resolving life’s hurts and I find healing and wholeness, one of the final stages of each path is accepting a loss. It may be a physical loss of someone or something, it may be an emotional loss, or it may be a financial loss. There are many types of losses, but they all are painful.

We can never go back and change the past, we can only process it and resolve it in our hearts and minds. If our children are older, we can’t change how we raised them when they were younger. If we are parents have died, we can’t change what we said to them or they said to us. So many things we can look back on and want to change, but we can’t. Time only moves forward. But what we can do is move forward with it.

I remember walking along our downtown riverfront one day, looking at all the boats and remembering all the times my family used to sail in the river. We were highly involved in the local sailing community and my father was on race committees and many projects having to do with the St. Johns River. As a teenager, I loved sailing and it became a large part of my life. But that day, as I walked the riverfront, I realized it was all only memories now; I no longer have my dad to share those memories with anymore, much less make any “new” ones. He died 17 years ago. It’s a real loss and it hurts.

It’s not something that can be changed; it is what it is. So I took that loss and gave it to the Lord. Isaiah 53:4 tells us that Jesus came to bear our sorrows and carry our griefs. We just have to let Him. Let go and let God, as the saying goes. Cry, weep, shout, whatever it takes, but give it to Him. Then move on. This can be extremely hard, yet when you come through it, there will be peace.

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Father's Love Tagged With: , , ,

Equanimity for Productivity

September 25, 2011 By Leave a Comment

By Robert

Equanimity is a fancy word for the Biblical rest spoken of in Hebrews 4. It means I am neither striving to make things happen nor avoiding what God would use to cause growth in our lives.

Striving – everyone faces fears and insecurities sometimes, usually daily.
When we feel insecure we often strive. We try and make things happen, try and jimmy a door open. We become controlling in some way, becoming more aggressive with others or giving them the silent treatment. We may make lots of vows to work harder or lose weight or avoid that bad habit at all costs.

Avoiding – we also have many ways we put walls around our hearts. A person cuts us off in traffic, our spouse is insensitive to our needs, our boss yells at us – “That jerk,” we think. The minute we label someone we are blocking him from our heart.

Acceptance – when we can walk in acceptance, acknowledging God in all our ways, giving Him thanks in all things, there’s a rest. From this place of rest grows the fruit of the Spirit. We honor all men, we honor ourselves, we get things done.

Contemplative prayer – the discipline of contemplative prayer fosters rest. I say some words of love to God and I wait in His presence. Sometimes I sense His presence, sometimes my mind wanders like crazy. Learning to accept whatever happens as exactly what God has for me at that moment, with no sense of frustration. This fosters equanimity, rest. This begins to spill over into other parts of our lives. When I’m not worked up to make things happen nor frustrated at things I don’t like, life flows.

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Father's Love Tagged With: , , , ,

Unadorned

December 18, 2010 By Leave a Comment

By Cyndi

I’m sitting here writing next to my undecorated Christmas tree. It’s about six feet tall–no lights, no ornaments, no icicles, not even a star at the top yet. Only crookedly poised in its stand, with a lean to the left, and a blanket around the bottom. There it is. Naked and bare, by Christmas standards. Then I thought, “Isn’t this how we stand before God? Naked at the foot of the cross?”

In Psalm 139:14 it says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Just the way we are. Without ornaments, without ribbons, without lights or flashy commercialized decorations. God loves us. Period.

Isn’t that what Christmas is about anyway? This is the time of year we celebrate God sending His Son, Jesus, to be born in our world as a baby. Just like us. Without hoopla, without formal announcements, without Facebook friends commenting. He came.

He humbly came to reveal His great love for us. We weren’t getting it through the prophets and teachers. We weren’t getting it through the laws and commandments. We weren’t getting it through the kings and priests who were leading us. We needed to see Him face to face, to eat dinner with Him, to laugh at jokes with Him, to know He understood where we’re coming from. He came.

So it’s okay that my Christmas tree is still bare. I’ll decorate it soon. But it’s beautiful just as it is. A reminder. He loves me just the way I am.

Filed Under: Father's Love Tagged With: , ,
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