Boundaries 101

October 1, 2010 By 3 Comments

By Cyndi

There is a freedom and a maturity that come when we learn to walk in boundaries. This is a place of rest and peace that God wants us to abide in. This is where we become truly effective in ministering to others.

What are boundaries? Boundaries define what is me and what is not me. In other words, they are where I end and others begin. The purpose of boundaries is to separate, just like physical boundaries divide where one country ends and another begins. There are borders we cross over where we leave one and enter another. We, as people, also have “borders.”

God created us as separate individuals uniquely designed for a plan and purpose. Each of us have our own thoughts, beliefs, talents, feelings, likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, and fears. In last week’s Stepping Stone, Robert shared on being aware of who you really are–really knowing what you feel and believe. It is important to have your own hopes and dreams, your own emotions, apart from spouses, families, and friends.

If you look at a brick house, you can see the individual bricks. They haven’t changed their distinctiveness; they are merely stacked together to build up one house. 1 Peter 2:5 says we are to be “living stones” made into one spiritual house. There is something bigger as we are connected, yet we are still different from one another, unlike mixing water with lemonade where there is a total blending of the two.

So what is the point of knowing your boundaries? It helps us see what we are and are not responsible for. Many of us build up resentments and anger because we are feeling compelled by others to do something that we really don’t want to do. Pressure from fear, disappointment, guilt, and expectations are put upon us that cause us to act in ways that we really do not want to. We can’t say no. We have become watery lemonade, blended into them, rather than maintaining our own brick identity.

Father God designed us to be unique, diverse individuals who can gain strength from one another to build His kingdom–His spiritual house. But we are to do this without devaluing each others’ feelings and emotions in the process.  Secure your borders.

Filed Under: Boundaries, design, Emotions, Personhood, responsibility, self awareness Tagged With: , , , ,

Self Awareness

July 9, 2010 By 6 Comments

By Robert & Cyndi

“All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone”–Blaise Pascal

Most of us are not in touch with our feelings. Think about it. When traffic is horrendous, the line at the bank is slow and long, or our kids forget to do their chores, do we ever stop to think about how we are feeling right then and why? Sometimes we are quick to blame things on the devil or engage in spiritual warfare, grabbing for our swords to fight rather than sitting in a chair to contemplate.

Richard Foster, in The Celebration of Discipline says, “The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people.” Jesus felt very deeply about things, as did King David, who so well expressed this in his psalms. If we are to be emotionally healthy disciples, expressed images of the living God, then we need to learn to be reflective, looking deep into our hearts and souls.

In The Emotionally Healthy Church, Peter Scazzero states this well:
“It takes courage to ask myself what I am really feeling in a situation. Especially when it is what we usually label a negative emotion such as anger, shame, bitterness, hate, grief, jealousy, fear, or depression. Many would try to deny these rather than listen to their God-given emotions. This involves taking my feelings and thoughts about why I am feeling this way and bringing them honestly to God.”

Honesty before God requires a vulnerability that many of us are not willing to experience–it is much easier to live in surfacy religious jargon. When Ps.46:10 tells us to “be still and know” that He is God, this is a withdrawing, a sinking down, a quieting of ourselves to listen and firmly feel what is going on. It is a position of intimacy. It is a place where deep can call to deep, but it is a choice. Are we willing to open up, be honest with ourselves, and choose it?

Filed Under: Christianity, emotional responsibility, Emotions, happiness, responsibility, self awareness, Shame Tagged With: , , , , ,

Commando System Cleaner

May 22, 2010 By 5 Comments

By Robert

Many Christians live years shut down, with their “Operating System” running slow. Computer programs like Spybot – Search & Destroy, Advanced System Optimizer, and PC Pitstop, claim to stop unwanted programs from running in the background, clean your system registry, and even remove viruses, making your computer run much faster!

We can also have unwanted programs running in the background, replaying thoughts of how someone has mistreated us or how life just isn’t working out. This often occurs because of errors (lies) in our “system registry” that tell us God isn’t for us, or there is something wrong with us. These lies can give legal ground for an enemy “virus” to come in and exacerbate the problem.

There have been times where my “system” was running so slow I was practically shut down. It was hard to pray, read the word, or even to concentrate at work. I found myself wanting to eat more and just watch TV all the time. I finally went to a Prayer Minister where I discovered a number of past places I had hidden anger. I didn’t even realize it. Ithought I had dealt with all the anger in my life.

There is something so cleansing, renewing, and restoring of child-like innocence when we get all the “bugs” out of our system, clean out the pipes, and connect again to God. It is really wonderful to have communication channels opened and functioning again!

Filed Under: Counseling, Prayer Ministry Tagged With: , ,

The Anger Exercise

December 30, 2009 By 4 Comments

How to be free of anger

There is a major key in helping find freedom from anger. When it comes to dealing with anger we have been exhorted, admonished, and given techniques like praying daily for the person we are angry with until our heart changes. Dealing with anger can be elusive, we pray and nothing seems to happen. This issue of anger is very common with most clients I work with even though it is often hidden at first. The major key to freedom I have found is that there is usually a reason someone is holding onto anger.  

An Exercise

Think of the person you are mad at and why. Now search your heart considering the idea of fully letting it go. Do you notice anything hesitant in your heart to fully release the anger? What if you did fully let it go, how would that make you feel? Do not give the standard Christian answer from your mind, but look to your heart and see how it feels. We feel what we believe.

Most of the time the belief for holding the anger will be something like, “I’ll be unprotected if I let it go; it will happen again,” or “nothing will change,” or “they’ll just get away with it.”

Do not try to deny that feeling; simply acknowledge if that feels true in your heart. Then lift that belief up to God and listen. “Father, it feels like this anger is the only thing I have to protect me. God would You speak to me about that?” If you get down to how you really feel and what you really believe by embracing honesty, humility, and childlike meekness, acknowledging the truth- you will hear God speak. Once the hindrances are out of the way it becomes relatively easy to pray a prayer to release the anger and forgive the person who hurt you. I have done this with many prayer ministry clients and see close to a 100% success rate with this approach. Give it a try, or call me.

Filed Under: Counseling Tagged With: ,