Try Something New

May 4, 2012 By 2 Comments

By Cyndi

Have you tried anything new lately? Do you know that trying something new activates your brain in positive ways? Now this doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be something large like learning Russian or bungy jumping off of a bridge. It can be quite simply trying a new kind of food, wearing a different color, planting a new bush, or visiting a place you’ve never seen before.

New things produce creativity in the brain. To me, I find seeking out unfamiliar things brings a sense of awe about the Lord. As I look into new things, He reveals His diversity and unique designs. Seeing a sunset over the wind-tossed ocean, standing at the top of a high rise overlooking a large metropolis, sitting on the floor eating with chopsticks, all of these cause so many questions and feelings to enter into my thoughts. My brain is stimulated – unfamiliar tastes, sights, emotions, perspectives.

God has created so many incredible variables in this world we live in: shades, textures, flavors, seasons, lightings, temperatures, etc. Think about it. Just look at how many types of flowers or fish there are in the world. He could have just made three or four, but no, He was much more creative than that! And we, as human beings, are created in His image. We are the only creature He gave with this ability to think and be creative like this. That’s why we have the Golden Gate Bridge, the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre and the Sydney Opera House. Our minds are able to study, to learn, to develop, to create. Our brains are meant to stay active and formulate new ideas, forms, methods and interpretations. This is a skill we can actually practice on a regular basis and helps to keep us emotionally healthy.

So I challenge you to do something different and out of the ordinary this week. Use your imagination. Draw, paint, eat, bike, walk, wear, look, touch, smell, observe, photograph – experience life. Get in the middle of it and live! God has given us new life – abundant life! Let’s get out there and enjoy it fully. Go ahead, try something new. You may be surprised what happens.
(Feel free to post it on our blog!)

Filed Under: Emotional Health, life skills, right brain left brain Tagged With: , , ,

Weaving Your Life Narrative

April 11, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Robert

Making Sense
There are times when we feel like our lives just don’t make sense. “Why have so many bad things happened to me?” “Will I ever do anything significant with my life?”

When we don’t see clearly how God has woven together the pieces of our lives, it can leave us feeling confused and powerless, without a sense of destiny. When we can see His artistry in the tapestry of our lives we feel whole, grounded, life makes sense; we know where we’ve come from and where we’re going.

Ron was new at college and thought he had befriended a good group of guys. Yet, after a short while they quit talking to him and wouldn’t return his calls. He had no idea what he had done wrong. He could look back to his childhood and see similar experiences. He would just try and help people and they seemed to reject him for it. Ron tries not to think about these things, he’s tired of the pain and futility.

Watching football
If you’ve never allowed God to speak to you about the hurtful events of your life it can seem too big to untangle. It is like someone watching football for the first time, we realize it is good if our team moves the ball but have no appreciation yet of the intricacies of play calling or why certain penalties occur. We have to be patient and give it time.

Joseph
Joseph is a great example of someone allowing God to define his existence. Joseph suffered one of the worst abuses possible – he was a victim of human trafficking by his own family. (I saw this first hand in Thailand as a family sold their daughter into prostitution and bought a new truck with the money.) Joseph allowed God to touch any feelings of rejection, shame, or powerlessness he may have felt. He even allowed God to bring meaning and purpose out of his pain and losses. As Joseph was later raised up into the leadership of Egypt and his brothers stood before him he declared, “You (brothers) meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive” (Gen.50:20).

Learning who we are
I grew up in a broken home with an abusive father and God wove that into sending me around the world working with pastors in countries where almost all of them grew up just like that. Maybe your life doesn’t make sense to you right now; maybe you don’t know who you are. It’s okay. If you will be open to letting God define the events of your life, you will be amazed at the tapestry He weaves.

Filed Under: design, purpose, self awareness, Spiritual Maturity Tagged With: , ,

Processing the Process

March 29, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Cyndi

Having an argument with your spouse is never fun. Dealing with the challenges in a teenager aren’t always fun either. Being alone  and by yourself all the time has its downsides too. What’s the link between these three? Each one of these circumstances have the potential to bring up issues in our life, and by issues, I’m referring to problems or questions.

But what most of us cannot always see, is that dealing with issues can be a good thing – not always a pleasant occasion, but at least productive. We first have to understand that having an issue is not an issue. Got it? What I mean is that no one is perfect and has it all together. We all have issues. It’s okay! Life isn’t a one-time event. It’s a journey – a process. And learning to process the process is the means by which we move forward.

The process of processing is actually somewhat easy – well, at least to begin with. It’s simply understanding and accepting that we are in process. Each one of us are on a path that God has us on. That path may be created more by our hands than His, but He is still God. He knows what’s going on and is not shaken by any wrong avenue we may have taken. We, on the other hand, sometimes need to step over to the side of the road, stop for a moment and take a look at our journey. Where are we going and where have we been?

As traveling teachers, Robert and I have been to many nations. Theoretically I can say I’ve been to Japan, but I’ve really only been in the Tokyo and Narita airports. I’ve never experienced the country itself. This is similar to living on a path and never taking the time to experience life. We’re just traveling through, going from point A to point B. This is not processing. It’s like going from airport to airport in country after country and saying we’ve visited all these places, but we haven’t. We have to get out of the airport! There’s more to life than a beginning and an end.

Life is a process. Dictionary.com defines process as “a continuous action, operation, or series of changes taking place in a definite manner.” It is definite that there will be changes in life, there will be stages in life, and there will be challenges in life. These are all part of the process. So when changes happen and issues come up, process them. When questionable feelings come up, process them. Accept that your life is a process and you are in process; then you have begun processing the process.

Filed Under: emotional responsibility, Emotions, How to Change, life skills Tagged With: , , ,

Spock Theology

March 25, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Robert

I awoke early with that empty sensation in my stomach, anxious that I would be left high and dry. I could have simply cast down these feelings and confessed faith, however, they had something to tell me. As I allowed them, faced them, I realized I was concerned about an upcoming speaking engagement. “What if I bomb?” “What if I don’t connect with people?” With all the benefits of understanding deliverance and faith, there can be times of going too far. God is desiring to do something in our hearts, but if we deny the impurity exists every time it arises, growth is not possible. God calls us to be diligent watchmen of the gardens of our hearts. So how do we do this?

God admonishes, “Guard your hearts, for everything you do flows from them” (Proverbs 4:23). Guard means to watch, keep, observe, preserve. In three places within the scriptures, the Hebrew word is translated “watchmen.” How do we keep watch over our hearts? By observing our emotions. Emotions are the gauges of our heart that tell us if there is too much pressure or if it is overheating.

Mr. Spock, the Vulcan character from Star Trek, says emotions are bad. We must master them so they don’t master us. And we have often heard this taught. Certainly if we are about to sin, this is good advice. However, a deeper use is in checking our emotions to understand what is happening in our heart, to watch and guard it. David did this repeatedly in the Psalms as did Jesus in the Gospels.

As I tuned into my emotion of fear that morning and saw that what was behind it was an upcoming speaking engagement, I was able to lift that to the Lord. God reminded me that I have learned well how to present information; I’m not powerless, and I can apply what I’ve learned. Now you try listening to your emotions this week, watching over your heart, and bringing all your concerns to the Lord.

Filed Under: Emotions, Encouragement, life skills, self awareness Tagged With: , ,

Overcoming Lifelong Roadblocks

February 2, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Robert

Has your car ever been stuck in the mud? You give it gas again and again, putting it in forward and reverse. You get muddy as you try putting a rock under the tire. Nothing works. You feel powerless. Many people have an area of their lives like this. I know some people who have struggled with anxiety most of their lives, myself included. Others have never been able to rightly relate to a controlling mother-in-law. Some have battled anger and feel as if they never can get forward movement toward their dreams. Not giving up is a theme many movies have used to tug on deep heart strings; however, a key component to being able to not give up is to never stop learning.

Have you ever savored the work of a good carpenter? The intricate woodwork, the smooth fit and finish in a dark cherry; it’s exquisite. How does he do it? Skill and know how are clearly a big part, but also the knowledge of the right tool at the right time is huge. At our webinar this week we will discuss tools for removing blockages to being fully in the light so as to find growth in our issues. We will also explore techniques for more critically defining the fruit and root of our roadblocks which leads to more effectively overcoming them.

It is easy to feel discouraged over the things we’ve struggled with for years. There’s not only a sense of hopelessness but many times a feeling of loss. Nevertheless, these roadblocks actually can become our very stepping stones into our destinies as we are equipped with authority in the area of what we have overcome, and  have compassion for others who are stuck in a similar way.

In our upcoming webinar we will unpack some intricate tools for detailed carpenter work in finding freedom. These are tools Robert uses in the toughest cases of prayer ministry he encounters. We will also have some interactive exercises to increase our “know how” with these tools.

Come and join us this Thursday.

Foundations of Freedom Webinar, Thursday February 9,
7-8pm Eastern Time
Cost is $10. Registration required.
904-270-9472
info@fountainsoflife.org

CLICK HERE to watch video of this blog

Filed Under: destiny, Healings, How to Change, life skills, Prayer Ministry, Skill Sets, Spiritual Maturity Tagged With: , , , ,

Drama Avoidance

January 27, 2012 By 1 Comment

By Robert

A woman walks into her husband’s office and he immediately complains that she’s late. She sharply replies that she had to drop the kids off at school. Angered by this, the husband states that she should have planned better so as not to be late.

There was a major 20-year study of marriages where they looked at what skills that successful marriages have that unsuccessful marriages do not. The study unanimously found one skill predominant over every other. That skill was the ability to believe the best of one another even in an argument and not automatically assume that one partner had bad motives or that somebody was wrong.

Most arguments are usually over a difference of opinion, a difference in priority, or a difference in value. So when a couple can hear each others’ heart and keep the conversation safe where each person can say what they’re feeling and what their priority is, a way forward can be found. However, even if we know this skill, many times it breaks down. Especially if we get triggered.

If we get triggered, the chances are not so good that we’ll be able to hear one another’s hearts, so what we often do instead is create drama. Cutting remarks, the silent treatment, some type of drama to avoid feeling something we don’t really want to feel.

A real tool we can use if we notice that the skill is breaking down is to simply ask ourselves the question, “What am I not wanting to feel here? What feeling am I trying to avoid through this drama I’m creating?”  In the case of the example we used at the beginning, it was a feeling of insecurity that the husband was trying to avoid, hence the angry tone and drama he was creating.

Let’s look at this scenario again in a different light:
A woman walks into her husband’s office and he immediately complains that she’s late. She sharply replies that she had to drop the kids off at school. He then tells of his concern as it got later and later, and how he felt insecure and that maybe she didn’t care what was important to him. With this, she calmly replies that she was rushing to get there, but one of the kids had left a book at home so she had to go back to get it, causing her to be late. Upon hearing this explanation, the husband defuses and apologizes for jumping to conclusions and creating drama.

Filed Under: emotional responsibility, Emotions, How to Change, life skills, self awareness, Skill Sets Tagged With: , ,

Coming to the Light

January 20, 2012 By 1 Comment

By Robert

Have you ever hidden things about yourself? Maybe ways you’ve felt jealous of someone or threatened by someone? Ways you’ve struggled with a habitual sin? Maybe it’s walking around with an angry edge but never really addressing it. This can often lead to feelings of condemnation, hopelessness, struggles with loneliness, or anxieties. One night at a restaurant I observed another couple who didn’t talk or look at each other the entire meal. The husband just sat there reading a book as they ate. There was no intimacy between them. Clearly they had some issues in their hearts that had not come to the light.

Hiding things about ourselves hinders fellowship and keeps us from feeling clean on the inside.

So often we try to handle things on our own, putting up a strong front, but this is independence. Independence is the opposite of fellowship. Independence is what blocks our true heartfelt connection with God and man. What is the key to effectively deal with this? It starts with understanding how to come to the light.

We come to the light when we risk trusting someone enough to open up to them. Exposing our interior secrets and struggles to another person shines a light into the dark corners of our hearts.

Is there someone who really knows you? Someone who knows you well enough to see your patterns? One to whom you trust enough to put the walls down and allow to speak into your life?

1 John 5:7 says, “If we walk in the light… we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin.”

There are two primary things here. One, light brings us to experience true, effective fellowship wherein we feel connected and no longer lonely. And two, light is where the blood cleanses us, where it becomes effective, where our heart can truly receive forgiveness, and we feel clean.

If you’ve been in emotional pain, feeling cut off, struggling with anger or fear, take a step. Find someone you trust and begin coming to the light.

Filed Under: Emotional Health, How to Change, life skills, Spiritual Maturity Tagged With: , , , ,

Suffering Losses

October 9, 2011 By 5 Comments

By Cyndi

Into middle age now, I tend to look back on my life at times and reflect. In going through healing journeys of past wounding and processing pain these last few years, as well as seeing into the lives of those I counsel, I have come to an astounding conclusion. I believe accepting and grieving losses is one of the hardest parts of this passage called life.

As I walk through resolving life’s hurts and I find healing and wholeness, one of the final stages of each path is accepting a loss. It may be a physical loss of someone or something, it may be an emotional loss, or it may be a financial loss. There are many types of losses, but they all are painful.

We can never go back and change the past, we can only process it and resolve it in our hearts and minds. If our children are older, we can’t change how we raised them when they were younger. If we are parents have died, we can’t change what we said to them or they said to us. So many things we can look back on and want to change, but we can’t. Time only moves forward. But what we can do is move forward with it.

I remember walking along our downtown riverfront one day, looking at all the boats and remembering all the times my family used to sail in the river. We were highly involved in the local sailing community and my father was on race committees and many projects having to do with the St. Johns River. As a teenager, I loved sailing and it became a large part of my life. But that day, as I walked the riverfront, I realized it was all only memories now; I no longer have my dad to share those memories with anymore, much less make any “new” ones. He died 17 years ago. It’s a real loss and it hurts.

It’s not something that can be changed; it is what it is. So I took that loss and gave it to the Lord. Isaiah 53:4 tells us that Jesus came to bear our sorrows and carry our griefs. We just have to let Him. Let go and let God, as the saying goes. Cry, weep, shout, whatever it takes, but give it to Him. Then move on. This can be extremely hard, yet when you come through it, there will be peace.

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Father's Love Tagged With: , , ,

The Age of the Disordered Will

November 20, 2009 By Leave a Comment

“This has been called the “Age of Anxiety.” Considering the attention given the subject by psychology, theology, literature, and the pharmaceutical industry, not to mention the testimony from our own lives, we could fairly well conclude that there is more anxiety today, and, moreover, that there is definitely more anxiety about anxiety now than there has been in previous epochs of history.

Nevertheless, I would hesitate to characterize this as an “Age of Anxiety,” just as I would be loathe to call this an “Age of Affluence,” “Coronary Disease,” “Mental Health,” “Dieting,” “Conformity,” or “Sexual Freedom.” My reason being, that none of these labels, whatever fact or truth they may involve, goes to the heart of the matter.

Much as I dislike this game of labels, my preference would be to call this the “Age of the Disordered Will.” It takes only a glance to see a few of the myriad varieties of willing what cannot be willed that enslave us: we will to sleep, will to read fast, will to have simultaneous orgasm, will to be creative and spontaneous, will to enjoy our old age, and, most urgently, will to will.

If anxiety is more prominent in our time, such anxiety is the product of our particular modern disability of the will. To this disability, rather than to anxiety, I would attribute the ever-increasing dependence on drugs affecting all level of our society. While drugs do offer relief from anxiety, their more important task is to offer the illusion of healing the split between the will and its refractory object. The resulting feeling of wholeness may not be a responsible one, but at least within that wholeness–no matter how willful the drugged state may appear to an outsider–there seems to be, briefly and subjectively, a responsible and vigorous will. This is the reason, I believe, that the addictive possibilities of our age are so enormous.” (1976, p.32)

Farber, L.H. (1976), Lying, despair, jealousy, envy, sex, suicide, drugs, and the good life. New York: Harper & Row.

Filed Under: Counseling Tagged With: , , , ,

Trusting in the Father’s Love to Surrender

March 29, 2008 By Leave a Comment

Trusting in the Father’s Love to Surrender

In my independence I ran from the Lord, I felt uncomfortable anywhere near a church; it confronted my lifestyle too directly. I was “in control” self-medicating with drugs and alcohol.

Our independence, I believe, is at the heart of our sin nature- my will, me being in control, to take care of myself and meet my own emotional needs.

At salvation I really “surrendered”, leaving all my old friends, a lifestyle of drugs and alcohol and I started attending church every time the doors were open. But, had Christianity now become my new way to get my own needs met? How many of us as Christians start out strong and zealous only to taper off into a lukewarm existence or worse completely backsliding? What happens? Is it that we realize that God is not going to be manipulated by us to meet our needs our way?

In Arthur Burk’s series on South Carolina he talks about the long dark night of the soul for him being a season of learning to surrender the ordering of his life to God, allowing God to determine what he needs and when. He came to surrender what he thinks God needs to do in his life at any given time. So often we have planned out all the ways God needs to work in our lives to heal us and mature us and raise us up. God, knowing the beginning from the end, has a much better plan for our lives than we do. At twenty one years of age I felt a call to ministry. I thought I would be pastoring before thirty.  After all, my pastor had his first church before twenty five. Instead God put me in my own business where I learned many lessons and at the same time learned many things about love as I ministered in a nursing home. Then, God sent me to pastor in the Dominican Republic and to direct a medical clinic. I had never thought about missions and certainly not a medical clinic. But here my business experience turned out to be quite helpful. The point is that God had a path for me I never dreamed of; I had to surrender over and over my plan. God was never late and knew exactly how to work in my life to bring me to the place He had for me.

How do we finally start relinquishing control? I believe it takes trust- trust that God will effectively meet our emotional and material needs. Many talk a good game here but how many really and truly surrender? Coming to know the Father’s love is the best way I know to begin developing the trust necessary to start surrendering at the deeper levels.

Arthur Burk link http://www.plumblineministries.com/south_carolina

Filed Under: Father's Love, How to Change Tagged With: ,
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