Has your car ever been stuck in the mud? You give it gas again and again, putting it in forward and reverse. You get muddy as you try putting a rock under the tire. Nothing works. You feel powerless. Many people have an area of their lives like this. I know some people who have struggled with anxiety most of their lives, myself included. Others have never been able to rightly relate to a controlling mother-in-law. Some have battled anger and feel as if they never can get forward movement toward their dreams. Not giving up is a theme many movies have used to tug on deep heart strings; however, a key component to being able to not give up is to never stop learning.

Have you ever savored the work of a good carpenter? The intricate woodwork, the smooth fit and finish in a dark cherry; it’s exquisite. How does he do it? Skill and know how are clearly a big part, but also the knowledge of the right tool at the right time is huge. At our webinar this week we will discuss tools for removing blockages to being fully in the light so as to find growth in our issues. We will also explore techniques for more critically defining the fruit and root of our roadblocks which leads to more effectively overcoming them.

It is easy to feel discouraged over the things we’ve struggled with for years. There’s not only a sense of hopelessness but many times a feeling of loss. Nevertheless, these roadblocks actually can become our very stepping stones into our destinies as we are equipped with authority in the area of what we have overcome, and  have compassion for others who are stuck in a similar way.

In our upcoming webinar we will unpack some intricate tools for detailed carpenter work in finding freedom. These are tools Robert uses in the toughest cases of prayer ministry he encounters. We will also have some interactive exercises to increase our “know how” with these tools.

Come and join us this Thursday.

Foundations of Freedom Webinar, Thursday February 9,
7-8pm Eastern Time
Cost is $10. Registration required.
904-270-9472
info@fountainsoflife.org

CLICK HERE to watch video of this blog

A woman walks into her husband’s office and he immediately complains that she’s late. She sharply replies that she had to drop the kids off at school. Angered by this, the husband states that she should have planned better so as not to be late.

There was a major 20-year study of marriages where they looked at what skills that successful marriages have that unsuccessful marriages do not. The study unanimously found one skill predominant over every other. That skill was the ability to believe the best of one another even in an argument and not automatically assume that one partner had bad motives or that somebody was wrong.

Most arguments are usually over a difference of opinion, a difference in priority, or a difference in value. So when a couple can hear each others’ heart and keep the conversation safe where each person can say what they’re feeling and what their priority is, a way forward can be found. However, even if we know this skill, many times it breaks down. Especially if we get triggered.

If we get triggered, the chances are not so good that we’ll be able to hear one another’s hearts, so what we often do instead is create drama. Cutting remarks, the silent treatment, some type of drama to avoid feeling something we don’t really want to feel.

A real tool we can use if we notice that the skill is breaking down is to simply ask ourselves the question, “What am I not wanting to feel here? What feeling am I trying to avoid through this drama I’m creating?”  In the case of the example we used at the beginning, it was a feeling of insecurity that the husband was trying to avoid, hence the angry tone and drama he was creating.

Let’s look at this scenario again in a different light:
A woman walks into her husband’s office and he immediately complains that she’s late. She sharply replies that she had to drop the kids off at school. He then tells of his concern as it got later and later, and how he felt insecure and that maybe she didn’t care what was important to him. With this, she calmly replies that she was rushing to get there, but one of the kids had left a book at home so she had to go back to get it, causing her to be late. Upon hearing this explanation, the husband defuses and apologizes for jumping to conclusions and creating drama.

Have you ever hidden things about yourself? Maybe ways you’ve felt jealous of someone or threatened by someone? Ways you’ve struggled with a habitual sin? Maybe it’s walking around with an angry edge but never really addressing it. This can often lead to feelings of condemnation, hopelessness, struggles with loneliness, or anxieties. One night at a restaurant I observed another couple who didn’t talk or look at each other the entire meal. The husband just sat there reading a book as they ate. There was no intimacy between them. Clearly they had some issues in their hearts that had not come to the light.

Hiding things about ourselves hinders fellowship and keeps us from feeling clean on the inside.

So often we try to handle things on our own, putting up a strong front, but this is independence. Independence is the opposite of fellowship. Independence is what blocks our true heartfelt connection with God and man. What is the key to effectively deal with this? It starts with understanding how to come to the light.

We come to the light when we risk trusting someone enough to open up to them. Exposing our interior secrets and struggles to another person shines a light into the dark corners of our hearts.

Is there someone who really knows you? Someone who knows you well enough to see your patterns? One to whom you trust enough to put the walls down and allow to speak into your life?

1 John 5:7 says, “If we walk in the light… we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin.”

There are two primary things here. One, light brings us to experience true, effective fellowship wherein we feel connected and no longer lonely. And two, light is where the blood cleanses us, where it becomes effective, where our heart can truly receive forgiveness, and we feel clean.

If you’ve been in emotional pain, feeling cut off, struggling with anger or fear, take a step. Find someone you trust and begin coming to the light.

Nevertheless, I would hesitate to characterize this as an “Age of Anxiety,” just as I would be loathe to call this an “Age of Affluence,” “Coronary Disease,” “Mental Health,” “Dieting,” “Conformity,” or “Sexual Freedom.” My reason being, that none of these labels, whatever fact or truth they may involve, goes to the heart of the matter.

Much as I dislike this game of labels, my preference would be to call this the “Age of the Disordered Will.” It takes only a glance to see a few of the myriad varieties of willing what cannot be willed that enslave us: we will to sleep, will to read fast, will to have simultaneous orgasm, will to be creative and spontaneous, will to enjoy our old age, and, most urgently, will to will.

If anxiety is more prominent in our time, such anxiety is the product of our particular modern disability of the will. To this disability, rather than to anxiety, I would attribute the ever-increasing dependence on drugs affecting all level of our society. While drugs do offer relief from anxiety, their more important task is to offer the illusion of healing the split between the will and its refractory object. The resulting feeling of wholeness may not be a responsible one, but at least within that wholeness–no matter how willful the drugged state may appear to an outsider–there seems to be, briefly and subjectively, a responsible and vigorous will. This is the reason, I believe, that the addictive possibilities of our age are so enormous.” (1976, p.32)

Farber, L.H. (1976), Lying, despair, jealousy, envy, sex, suicide, drugs, and the good life. New York: Harper & Row.

In my independence I ran from the Lord, I felt uncomfortable anywhere near a church; it confronted my lifestyle too directly. I was “in control” self-medicating with drugs and alcohol.

Our independence, I believe, is at the heart of our sin nature- my will, me being in control, to take care of myself and meet my own emotional needs.

At salvation I really “surrendered”, leaving all my old friends, a lifestyle of drugs and alcohol and I started attending church every time the doors were open. But, had Christianity now become my new way to get my own needs met? How many of us as Christians start out strong and zealous only to taper off into a lukewarm existence or worse completely backsliding? What happens? Is it that we realize that God is not going to be manipulated by us to meet our needs our way?

In Arthur Burk’s series on South Carolina he talks about the long dark night of the soul for him being a season of learning to surrender the ordering of his life to God, allowing God to determine what he needs and when. He came to surrender what he thinks God needs to do in his life at any given time. So often we have planned out all the ways God needs to work in our lives to heal us and mature us and raise us up. God, knowing the beginning from the end, has a much better plan for our lives than we do. At twenty one years of age I felt a call to ministry. I thought I would be pastoring before thirty.  After all, my pastor had his first church before twenty five. Instead God put me in my own business where I learned many lessons and at the same time learned many things about love as I ministered in a nursing home. Then, God sent me to pastor in the Dominican Republic and to direct a medical clinic. I had never thought about missions and certainly not a medical clinic. But here my business experience turned out to be quite helpful. The point is that God had a path for me I never dreamed of; I had to surrender over and over my plan. God was never late and knew exactly how to work in my life to bring me to the place He had for me.

How do we finally start relinquishing control? I believe it takes trust- trust that God will effectively meet our emotional and material needs. Many talk a good game here but how many really and truly surrender? Coming to know the Father’s love is the best way I know to begin developing the trust necessary to start surrendering at the deeper levels.

Arthur Burk link http://www.plumblineministries.com/south_carolina

Change is always scary but not allowing God to change us is even scarier! God’s love allows us to jump into all He has, so lets go for it and do great things for God!