Paths to Dwell In

Identity in Love

When we lack identity in God’s love we will have fears to deal with since it is love that casts them out. 1 Jn.4:17 Fear leads to control; a lack of vulnerability, having walls up.

“In a shame bound family system there tends to be rigidly defined boundaries. This causes the development of self to get cut off early. Children learn to value defiant individualism over the ongoing dialog of relationship.” (Facing Shame) Most teenage rebellion can be found right here!

“This has been called the “Age of Anxiety.” Considering the attention given the subject by psychology, theology, literature, and the pharmaceutical industry, not to mention the testimony from our own lives, we could fairly well conclude that there is more anxiety today, and, moreover, that there is definitely more anxiety about anxiety now than there has been in previous epochs of history.

Nevertheless, I would hesitate to characterize this as an “Age of Anxiety,” just as I would be loathe to call this an “Age of Affluence,” “Coronary Disease,” “Mental Health,” “Dieting,” “Conformity,” or “Sexual Freedom,” my reason being that none of these labels, whatever fact or truth they may involve, goes to the heart of the matter.

Much as I dislike this game of labels, my preference…would be to call this the “Age of the Disordered Will.” It takes only a glance to see a few of the myriad varieties of willing what cannot be willed that enslave us: we will to sleep, will to read fast, will to have simultaneous orgasm, will to be creative and spontaneous, will to enjoy our old age, and, most urgently, will to will.

If anxiety is more prominent in our time, such anxiety is the product of our particular modern disability of the will. To this disability, rather than to anxiety, I would attribute the ever-increasing dependence on drugs affecting all level of our society. While drugs do offer relief from anxiety, their more important task is to offer the illusion of healing the split between the will and its refractory object. The resulting feeling of wholeness may not be a responsible one, but at least within that wholeness-no matter how willful the drugged state may appear to an outsider-there seems to be, briefly and subjectively, a responsible and vigorous will. This is the reason, I believe, that the addictive possibilities of our age are so enormous.” (1976, p.32)

Farber, L.H. (1976), Lying, despair, jealousy, envy, sex, suicide, drugs, and the good life. New York: Harper & Row.

Steve’s Theophostic Testimony

I became frustrated with myself because of a habit I’ve had for almost 50 years: picking at my cuticles and the skin around my finger nails. I’ve done this in my car, in church, at work, in meetings, and just about everywhere I go. By the end of the day there would be a pile of dead skin. It would upset and embarrass me but I couldn’t stop. I had prayed for years that God would help me quit the picking. I knew He would, but it hadn’t happened yet. It became almost unbearable if I thought about not picking at my fingers.

I felt I would be out of control of my own body if I didn’t pick.

Robert Hartzell did some Theophostic ministry with me about this. The first thing that popped into my head was a memory involving the first time my step-uncle had molested me almost 50 years ago. All I could feel was anger. It was based on the realization that this was the first time I had been introduced to pornography and the thoughts of the struggle I had with it for many years as a direct result. I saw myself taking a hammer to his head and bashing it in. I’ve never been a violent person and this was a new experience for me.

I had never had any emotion surface about the times he had molested me. I had reasoned that it had never been as bad as it could have been, and during those times I always felt like I would just rather have been someplace else. In the session with Robert, God led me to forgiveness for my step-uncle and spoke His truth to lies I had believed as a result of this experience.

Finally, I dealt with a fear that the next day I would go right back to picking again regardless of the Theophostic ministry I had received. I felt God say to me in response, “I’ll be responsible for that.” I felt total peace about myself in the memory. The memory was still there, what happened, happened. It couldn’t be changed. However, I was no longer angry or frustrated with myself for not taking control of my own body. I now knew that this habit was within my control now and I could choose not to pick at my fingers.

It has now been more than a week later. I have driven my car to work and back every day, sat in church, and been in meetings. I have not felt the compulsion to pick at my fingers, not once! God has finally delivered me from this habit. Praise God.

Steve

“Why do I always have to be the mature one for the ‘fathers’ in my life?” This is something I said many times years ago. I felt like God had never really given me any spiritual fathers. I felt like I was left to work out my problems on my own and that there was no one there to help mature me and promote me. The man who led me to the Lord, Sam, had a wonderful ministry to alcoholics and drug addicts. He was gifted to reach out to people who wanted absolutely nothing to do with God. He would start working with them to get free from addiction and within a short time they would get saved. One time I went with him to a Bible study for reaching unbelievers. The people there spoke of everything from atheism to eastern mysticism. I became very dogmatic insisting that only the Bible and God must be followed; don’t even talk about anything else! People started putting walls up as I seemed to attack them during the discussion. On the way home Sam tried to talk to me about my comments but I could not see where he was coming from. I took this to mean that he was “not for me”, so that meant he was against me, rejecting me. I feared rejection and so I rejected him before he could reject me; I left. In reality Sam never rejected me and was always there for me. At the time, I wanted him to father me the way I wanted him to father me and any break from what I perceived as fathering, I interpreted as a weakness on his part, hence my saying, “I always have to be the mature one toward those who should be there for me”.

I did this same thing with my pastor. One time I brought him some counseling books. I knew my life was a mess, and I asked him to counsel me with them. He said he had never read these books. He recommended I get a foundation in the word of God; that from his experience this is what matures a person. I once again interpreted that as a father “not being there for me”. I did, however, follow his advice and looking back many years later I can see the wisdom in it. I know many people who came out of a dysfunctional background like me who have not made it. Many have gone from church to church, running away each time God would get them to a point of dealing with their issues. Others are no longer in the faith at all. Some even went on to join cults. By God’s grace I am still at the same church 23 years later because a “father” in my life helped me get a foundation in the word of God.

Why was I not able to receive the spiritual fathers God had placed in my life? It all came down to judgments I had made toward my birth father growing up. He really was never there for me and worse, he was abusive and I feared him. I thought I had forgiven him but yet the fruit in my life clearly demonstrated otherwise like these two examples reveal. As I worked through these issues in prayer ministry, I began to see that God has always been faithful to put ‘fathers’ in my life. But now I can receive them as they are and it does not have to be on my terms.

On all of our trips we generally take 1 or 2 days and do 1 on 1 prayer ministry appointments to help people work through their issues and get unstuck in their spiritual lives. We are now offering this in Jacksonville, Florida as well. 

Greetings

Today was the last day of the conference. The church here is a worshipping church which really seems to help people to be open. We had a tremendous ministry time today as most everyone in the conference was weeping as God touched them. There was a very successful business man who cried in my arms for at least 15 minutes.

We also saw some physical healings once again. Several women had pain in their chest and stomach and were completely healed. One kept poking herself in the stomach showing the pain was gone. Another lady has had a foot problem for seven months receiving weekly injections for the nerves and unable to move it, she was in tears as she showed all of us how she could now move it. This has not only been one of the more open places I’ve been recently but also one of the hungriest. On top of the meetings I have done 6 one on one ministry sessions with 6 more after the service in the morning.

One of the sessions was very interesting. It was a lady who has lived in Venezuela for about 20 years but is from Cali, Columbia. In her childhood her dad would always talk in favor of leftist guerilla groups and as a teenager she joined one! She was involved for a number of years. At 18 she became pregnant and her mother refused to help her with the child, thinking she would then just return to her activities with this group “19 de Abril”. She had fallen in love with a Venezuelan and so moved here. Four years ago (16 years after coming here) she became tired of never having any peace and always having nightmares from her time in the guerilla group and all the things she had done. She got saved in the church we are working at. One thing interesting that she said is that she has seen in the Bible that we are not supposed to take advantage of the poor, which is part of what these guerilla groups do. They get people stirred up and against the government on the basis of their poverty. As I ministered to her today she forgave her dad for influencing her in that way and received healing over the regret she had over how her life would have been had her dad influenced her toward an education.

Thanks to all who have been praying. We have also had a lot of warfare over this event. I have never seen more sound system problems in my life. Then after the service the pastor will check and find nothing wrong. My Spanish has also gone well which was a big concern of mine as it has been two years since teaching a conference in Spanish.

  Agape Reformation in Father’s Love

     When I was around 8 years old a couple of kids in the neighborhood had a fort. They told me and another boy we had stay out. We walked away angry at not being included, so later that day we went and tore down the fort. Hurt people seek to dominate by controlThe good news of the Gospel is a message of loving inclusion. Gal 2:3, 4—not even Titus…, being a Greek, was compelled to be circumcised. This occurred (this question of circumcision arose) because of false brethren secretly brought in, who came in by stealth to spy out our liberty which we have in Christ Jesus…Some false brethren came in their midst to “spy out their liberty”, to question their faith, “are you circumcised?” Many church movements today have their rules that must be followed or fellowship is withdrawn. Churches too often have cliques, like high school, that give or deny fellowship based on their standards being met.  Wounded people (including Christians) tend to move toward control. Any doctrine or Christian activity (evangelism, prayer, Bible reading, worship) not based in love will gradually move into legalism. You are “acceptable” if you comply and “out” if you don’t. They are hurt people seeking identity in what they do rather than who they are in Christ. Really, there is no “in-crowd”, just a hurt crowd. Only hurt people have a need to exclude others. Gal 2:12a—For before that certain came from James, he (Peter) did eat with the Gentiles.There is something so warming and healing to be received in fellowship. I am sure the Gentiles had a real good feeling as the “head man” of Christianity at that time would eat with them. Gal 2:12b—but when they were come, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing them which were of the circumcision.When certain people came from James, Peter, out of the fear of man, moved into exclusivity; he withdrew and separated himself. I’m sure the Gentiles felt bad being cut off from fellowship, kept on the outside. All of us can at times succumb to fears and put up walls. God is after us ever moving deeper into trust and to extend love. Jack Frost’s Agape Reformation article http://www.shilohplace.org/Downloads/Articles/Article26-EnteringIntoTheAgapeReformation.pdf